Feel cheap :-(

[QuestionTime]

Hi ladies,
Well I did a silly thing and am feeling really down about it. Basically I've had a dreadful year with my mum dying and splitting up from my husband. I was just starting to get my equilibrium back - going out with friends and really beginning to enjoy life again.
Anyway on Friday it was my friends birthday and we went out as a big group. One of the guys in the group I got on really well with and we spent ages talking, dancing and just getting to know one another. He was so lovely - walking me to my cab and asking me to tact when I was home safe.
Anyway the next day he rung me and asked to take me out to lunch. We had a lovely time - talking, laughing and generally getting on like a house on fire. He was such a gentleman - always walking on the traffic side of the pavement etc. He dropped me home and we had a bit of a kiss.
Later that night he text me and after a few more texts and a phone call I agreed to go to his for dinner. Turned up and it was all candles and open fires. Put a cd on and it was my favourite song in the world. We both said it was like we had known each other forever.
Anyway one thing led to another and I stayed the night and we had sex. Only the third person I've slept with in my life.
Last night I went round to my friends who was also out on the Friday. I find out that after I left they pretty much did everything but sleep together.
Anyway I'd arranged to ring him that evening so told him that I had found out about Friday night. He point blank denied it and got really angry about it - saying she was stirring just because we had something potentially really good together - before practically putting the phone down on me.
I 100% believe her. Feel so cheap and used. Have never ever trusted someone enough to sleep with them that quickly. What a fool. Just really knocked my duck off.

[MiniTheMinx]

"Said something along the lines of "why did you send that - it sounds like you don't want to see me again but I do want to see you again"

From OPs last post.

Sounds like he might like to see OP again.

Some of the posts above are perfect examples of how women make other women feel like shit.

OP shouldn't feel cheap. Why would anyone have any interest in trying to make someone else feel badly about themselves. However by calling someone immature because they have more sensitivity or because they have been brought up to think ONS make women cheap is ignoring the fact that it is the patriarchal power relations and the dominant view within society that makes women both available to men and then guilty for their own behaviour.

Sometimes I really wonder, is it men who make women feel cheap whilst still expecting women to "put out" or is sometimes women who have the greater interest in making other women feel bad.

It is a perfect example of how women carry out the work of the patriarchy and can be likened to FGM where it is the older women who perpetuate and carry out the practice.

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

Don't feel cheap, but also stop judging the arse off the poor bloke. He owes you nothing. And after two weeks, no one is your friend. If you're 'seeing' other people, you cannot then start chucking a hissy because a bloke you bunked up once with snogged someone else before you bunked up with him. Just wait and see what happens, and don't throw yourself emotionally in to anything so early on. You'll only end up hurt and looking a bit scary, iyswim. If you want to see the bloke again, see him. But don't expect exclusivity or commitment unless you've expressly discussed it.

[garlicbaguette]

Mini, it is immature to throw a strop when a man you've only just met snogs someone else! It's a glancing blow to the ego, yes - the immature part is letting it bother you. Fortunately, OP has now realised this and acted more sensibly.

I may have missed a few posts but have not seen anyone perpetuating misogyny here, except OP herself at the beginning.

[MiniTheMinx]

The four posts above my last ^ are utter piss takes.

[Apocalypto]

So this bloke makes eyes at the OP on a Friday, bonks her on the Saturday and next he's getting accusations and shit off her, based on the word of the "friend" of two weeks' standing (who's actually a nasty piece of work) and despite the fact that she's got a few irons in the fire herself.

He must be wondering what he has to do to filter these arsewipes out of his life.

[nipersvest]

the part of this whole story that has me gobsmacked the most is that you considered someone you'd known for just 2 weeks to be a 100% trustworthy friend

[Apocalypto]

@ mini the minx

or is sometimes women who have the greater interest in making other women feel bad.

the latter. in the same way that female display is aimed at other women. women don't have expensive clothes, accessories, and hair to impress men, who never even notice these things. they do it to cow other women into retreating and leaving the field clear for themselves.

the fashion industry that supposedly oppresses women with impossible-to-attain body images is run largely by women: female fashion magazine editors, female fashion designers and gay male designers.

[akaemmafrost]

I don't think anyone on here is saying she is cheap are they ? I'm a big fan of the odd one night stand myself.

Did you miss the part where she said she is "seeing a fair few other people"? Yet feels entitled to have a tantrum because he snogged her mate if he even did.

Not cheap, not at all, I am not even sure I would use the word immature, maybe "unrealistic" is a bit better, I actually think ringing him up to confront him about it is ridiculous though, so I will say so, seeing as the OP sought our opinions.

[Tressy]

Mini, what is FGM?

[izzyizin]

Cheap? Nah. The OP's ventured into the realm of the positively tacky where she's giving the Duchess of Pork a run for her money in the 'vulgar, vulgar, vulgar' stakes

Outside of an episode of Shameless, who rings a guy they've readily dropped their drawers for to berate him for snogging an ow 24 hours before they did the deed?

And who makes such a call while they're in the presence of the ow who claimed to have done everything with the guy except remove their drawers?

Tune in for the next episode: 'How I caught a sti/baybee/cold when I took my knickers off in front of his log fire'

You've provided another definition to the term 'power dressing' Apocalypto and those fashion editors/designers sure are powerful

[izzyizin]

Of course he was looking forward to seeing the OP again, Mini.

Why would he pass up the opportunity of her providing a free escort service driving herself to his home and putting out again?

[MiniTheMinx]

FGM is female genital mutilation.

Its a funny thing that, when a women of independent means, pays her way, drives herself and drops her knickers.....she is a free women, when the same women behaves in the same way but the man has greater wealth, she is providing an escort service. and I say that as a Marxist who would redistribute his wealth

[akaemmafrost]

I am finding it difficult to believe that a multi multi multi, ad infinitum millionaire would be willing to buy into this kind of nonsense anyway. Surely can't be THAT difficult to meet eligible young ladies?

[akaemmafrost]

Wait! It's not Mick from TOWIE is it OP?!!!

[Tressy]

Oh OK, thanks. Bit strong a remark in the context of this thread .

Have you heard any more OP?

[izzyizin]

It's not a question of financial wealth, Mini.

It's about value and the OP doesn't appear to place much value on herself - if she did, she wouldn't be indulging in a pity fest because she put out for him on the first date or be conflicted by what he got up to before - or after she put out for him, iyswim.

A bit of honesty wouldn't go amiss... the OP was impressed with his stately pile log fire and let the music go to her fanjo head. It's either the end or beginning of her liaison with Mr Loaded but for sure he didn't get to be a self-made millionaire by giving his dosh away and, in common with less endowed wealthy males, he's unlikey to say no to it on a plate freebies.

FWIW his seduction technique is a tad hackneyed and, if the OP continues to make house calls, I suspect dinner will shrink to a couple of appetisers with a glass of sherry if she's lucky and the log fire will stay unlit.

[SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR]

Izzy: Why are you saying such disgusting things about a woman who had enjoyable consensual sex? Refusing to have sex despite the fact that you are horny and attracted to the other person is not 'placing a higher value on yourself'. it's demonstrating that you think your cunt is gold-plated and a man has to earn access to you. Teaching women to hold out for 'commitment' is teaching them that sex is currency, not fun.

[izzyizin]

Do please read what the OP has to say SG.

I appreciate that engaging in full sexual relations on short acquaintance means litte more to you than a handshake, but the OP does not appear to be cut from the same cloth as your good self.

Although the OP had consensual sex with a guy she'd met 24 hours previously, it seems she rapidly found cause not to enjoy the experience and the fact she professes herself to 'feel so cheap and used' would seem to me to be attributable as much to her lack of self-esteem as to the fact that he allegedly went some way to getting it on with the OP's 'friend'.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Solid - Do you really believe that? I hope so because that is what I used to practice when I was young free and single and I have never met anyone in RL who thought the same way. A friend of mine used to meet a guy, have sex with him and then would spend the next three days (at least) bending my ear about why he hadn't asked for her number, or why he hadn't phoned her, or why he had slunk out whilst she was asleep. I was always bloody relieved to get rid of them the next morning.

[MiniTheMinx]

Women are bombared with the message that they should enjoy no strings but equally so they are made to feel bad if they do. Izzy what you have said at 2:40:59, seems to prove the point that women are not just judged by those men they sleep with and those they don't but other women too.

[izzyizin]

Maybe I've projected my sentiments onto SG, Exit, as it's certainly how I used to regard sex when I was younger

These days I enjoy a longer burn time I'm somewhat more discriminating but I certainly woudn't be beating myself up if events moved at a rapid pace, shall we say, nor would I be engaging in endless speculation as to whether he'd ring or not or whether to ring him or not etc etc ad infinitum.

[shesariver]

Love all the automatic responses about what a lying piece of shit he is becasue of course female friend is telling the truth - and yet he could actually be telling the truth, point is we dont know! I do think friend - of only 2 weeks no less, sounds like she could have made it up as shes jealous.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Crikey, I don't even think about sex anymore................

[izzyizin]

@Exit

[QuestionTime]

Gosh - um I'm not even sure how to respond. Yes I did get upset, maybe I did create too much of a drama about it but I did find the idea of being sloppy seconds (her words not mine) a bit upsetting.
I rung him because he told me to put the girl on the phone but I had already left her house.
Anyway I suggested we have a chat tonight and he instead suggested that I go round to his for dinner. So we will see what happens.
And for the record I haven't been on a date / drinks with anyone else since I met him.