Bizarroville!! PoshBoys, Muppets, Surgeons, nurses, coffee addicts and RL - dating thread 27!

[lubeybooby]

Roll up roll up get yer dating chat here... all kinds of dating...

Online, RL, established, new, join in and blether away!

But sponge, why are you so determined to be so down? That's the bit I don't get? It's like you are determined to be depressed about it. And as someone who suffers with depression on occasion, I would do anything to pull myself out of it, and it would really help me if people were trying to help, and help me to see the positives.

Ok, apologies if I didn't get it quite spot on, the point I was trying to make is that people sometimes just don't send that text. Bant, I'm not saying you wouldn't have without us sitting on your shoulder. Sponge - I give up. I'm really, really sorry that what I said was insulting & belittling although for the life of me I don't understand how. I hope you feel better soon.

ok well just write yourself off completely then, don't even try anything that might help and always repeat the same patterns. yay.

bant genuine question and not trying to make a point but I am just curious how blokes think . If you knew that things weren't really going anywhere with Safrican, why did you snog her and get (mostly) naked?

Apologies for my last post. That was crappy of me to snap.

It's just very frustrating when someone who wants help (and they have posted asking for help before, so they definitely do want it) will actually not accept that something might at least be worth a try and dismiss every suggestion.

I don't dismiss every suggestion, I really don't. Far from it.

The issue I have with CBT and other forms of therapy is I'm not convinced it would be of any benefit to me. Having dealt with psychologists and psychiatrists in the course of my work, my understanding is that unless you are engaged with, committed to and believe in it all, there's no benefit. And I'm honestly not sure I would be.

The other issue, even IF I could convince myself it might help, is one of time and money. I can't afford £1000s of treatment, nor (if I couldn't arrange weekend treatment) the unpaid time off work. And I think even if I was convinced it would help me, the worry over the cost of attending would take over.

OneMore because there was mutual chemistry. We fancied each other a lot, and she said funny things some of the time, and we first kissed after cocktails and sushi and she was attractive and we stood in a lift going down 40 floors and she looked up at me just so and..

Then she came up to cambridge, and she got out of the car and she was gorgeous again and there were sparks and everything. She was, quite frankly, hot. And sweet. And I was hoping that her ridiculous enthusiasm and verbal use of exclamation marks and smiley faces would tail off and we'd be able to have a conversation like grown ups, but that was just her personality, not nerves. So when I thought about the long drive down to see her again I just thought.. no, I don't want to really talk to her, I just want to sleep with her. And that's not fair. And she wouldnt be up for FWB either because she was obviously very into me. And I don't want FWB either really. I want chemistry and sympatico and the emotional & intellectual connection. All in one cute little package. With rich parents.

Shallow, I know. But I'm not going to spend time with someone I want to grit my teeth around, and I don't want to lead someone on that it's something it's not. No matter how gorgeous they are.

at rich parents.

Fair enough, I just wondered. I totally understand by the way, and have done much the same thing myself in the past - I was just curious how you were playing it to yourself, as it were.

(Hugs sponge, proceeds to talk about self)

I've just googled Sirius. I've seen Sirius on YouTube. I think I quite like him...although he doesn't know I've got DCs yet, so I absolutely can't wait until I turn up in one of his stand up routines.

Mmmm you know I think it is fine to have a moan about how low you feel and the reasons why. This is afterall an anonymous internet forum. Sometimes you feel fucking fed up cos life is a bit shit. End of. There is no fix necesarrily and dark thoughts flicker through the mind. Yep those thoughts can be challenged by those who are party to them but nevertheless I think using this thread to voice dark thoughts without seeking solutions is fine too.

I text LC again. one final time.

Along the lines that it was a shame, given how well we got on that he'd apparently decided not to see me again, and having done so, it would have been polite for him to let me know.

No reply of course. There won't be. But I sent it with a delivery receipt, so I know he got it, that his phone is not broken or lost. So, no excuses for him not contacting me. Not that that makes me feel any better.

Well, if its any consolation Sponge, Mr 6 pack has sent me a message on POF last night, after I went to bed, and now deleted his account! WTF? So it shows as a message, but I can't get to it. Sometimes you're just never gonna know. I have had two blokes over the last couple of weeks that I think may be attached, so I have blocked, and some have come out of the woodwork that had dissapeared before. Where do they go when they dissapear? Otherwomen? Wives? One has appeard back with a sob story, and says he 'accidently' logged on to POF twice during that time. Presumably in case I checked his profile to see if he had logged on during that time. I hadn't. The arse. There are lots of them that are this way unfortunately.

well, it should make you feel a tiny bit better.

You know his phone isn't lost or broken and that he isn't in a coma/hospital.
You've had the last word.
You've acted like a grown up and sought closure.
You know he's a cowardly knobber.

Gimme his number and I'll fuck him & give him herpes.

snape you're probably right. I do feel a bit calmer now - not happier, but more at peace - if that makes sense.

I'm still upset, and annoyed. And part of me still likes him - honestly if I walked past him in the street (which given that he lives nearby isnt impossible) I'd be torn between crying or punching him in the face

Also just had a look on Match. He's not online probably on another bloody date. Reread our messages on there, all v normal. No sign he was a complete prick. Only thing it did remind me is that he'd only been on there a few weeks and I was his first internet date.

Sponge

You should really be thinking about something else right now. Maybe not your usual staples, but something new to you.
Not "stalking" him on Match.

Do find something else to distract you, for your own sake. Being this obsessive is not healthy.

Even if you discount CBT, I do think you should at least give it a go. Chat to your GP for a referral and you may get 25 free sessions.
Have you checked out the moodgym? moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Well of course there's a possibility that you'll run into him, like there's a possibility I'll run into voldemort...at which point you gather every single piece of strength you have and act. smile. If he says hello, you enquire as to his health, if he asks you anything your response is glowingly positive ('I'm doing really well thank you') & you go on your way. If you need to cry or punch something you wait until you're home and you comfort yourself with the absolute fact that he wasn't the right one, because he's acted like a tit.

Then when he texts you, you ignore it.

I wasn't stalking him. I actually went on there to try and work out how to hide my account. But thanks for that.

And you've missed the point about treatment, leaving aside my own misgivings and the chances of getting free treatment I'd still have to take UNPAID time off work to attend (and to go to the GP in the first place, I have no holiday left to use) which I can't afford. I have to pay my mortgage and support my DC just from my salary and there is nothing left over at the end of the month as it is.

I am assuming you just want to offload sponge? Thats ok.

Sponge, I am so sorry things turned out like this. I know how you're feeling (I have been through this situation myself). Not having a reason does make it harder to move on, I hope he does reply to your last text.

I hope you don't think I am patronising you when I say that how you are feeling is temporary, not an unchangeable fact of life. This is what I tell myself when I feel so disappointed and miss the one person who I had enjoyed being with who I can't be with anymore. It is grief, loss.

I am sorry, it is painful, and I think you need voice it all, get it out of your system, acknowledge everthing your are feeling, it will pass.

WarmFuzzyFun x

hey - i ran into pirate last week. 3 times! awkward as fuck, but what can you do about it.

if you told work you had urgent docs appts, are you not alloweed time off? or at the beginning or end of the day?

im pretty worried about my housing situation. House today was ridiclous. SO tiny, kitchen literally had one cupboard and one cabinet - 625 per month.

so, i have to discount the tiny houses in the good areas, i just cant live like that, they arent family homes, they are one person homes.

which leaves the crapper areas. except there is nothing on the market than the REALLY crap areas.

bar one, which is a min round the corner from me and im seeing tomorrow. Can you call hope aganist hope for me, that its ok, and nothing a lick of paint wont sort out.

because right now i feel pretty desperate.

Sponge - so get yourself on the waiting list and by the time your place comes up you'll have holiday entitlement again. Always a waiting list for these things - also a lot of centres do after hours sessions for this reason. When I had counselling years ago I had saturday appointments due to working full time.

Nothing has to happen overnight, and indeed it won't. But it's better than not trying it and not having it happen at all ever.

It's a shame you have such a dim view of it all, mine is exactly the opposite. I've known many people myself included get a LOT out of counselling. Ditto CBT though I haven't had that myself.

I'm hoping for you Watch.

Oh blimey watch, good luck with the place tomorrow!

Do you have rules on this thread? Am I allowed to make a pass at Bantam?