Bizarroville!! PoshBoys, Muppets, Surgeons, nurses, coffee addicts and RL - dating thread 27!

[lubeybooby]

Roll up roll up get yer dating chat here... all kinds of dating...

Online, RL, established, new, join in and blether away!

Morning.

I have a date tomorrow. Okc. For some reason I feel better with an Okc date than a pof one and I know that's nonsense.

Bit worried as meeting him in daylight, the stark light and all that. So far he seems perfectly normal because I am so used to strangeness Im finding that great. By normal I mean witty, straightforward and upbeat.

Another has asked me for a date Wednesday. But he is a one liner. So may disappear.

And I have an engineer who is not good with communicating.

That's me. No doubt nothing will come of any of it but I'm ever optimistic.

Sponge, how are you? Not sleeping is horrible.
I'm a devious bitch and I would probably set up a fake profile and message LC saying if he is free to chat, has he had an dates recently etc. but that's just me and I probably wouldn't recommend it.

Snape, did you say you were going on a coffee date?

Hello to everyone else.

X post snape

I've been awake since 5. When I wake up the very first thing I do is check my phone, but of course there is no text from him, and there probably never will be.

LC is on Match (so much for paying sites attracting 'genuine' men who wont mess you around etc) so I couldn't set up another profile for free to message him even if I wanted to.

I haven't even been on there since all of this. I don't want to see that he's online, chatting to other women. Because that means it was all bullshit and nothing, and not only am I an idiot for thinking otherwise, I'm also nowhere near as attractive or wonderful as I tell myself I am. Because if I was, he wouldn't be on there looking for someone else would he? he'd be texting me :(

Snape and Scatty I'm pleased about your dates though :) You both deserve something nice to happen for a change.

Sponge - would you still be interested if he did text? I really don't think it's you. And that then means he was being fake with you, laying it on thick. I saw somewhere he asked for a naked picture of you? If that's right then he is a twat. You don't go about asking for pics two dates in. Sure that wont make you feel any better but in my mind you haven't lost anything.

Morning all bant Surreygirl sounds positive!

Kirsty - run like the wind and don't look back

sponge, i think it would help you personally to have some kind of closure to this, no matter how crappy it is. Why dont you text him something, that you are very disapointed that he doesnt have the balls to let you know that he didnt want a 3rd date. or something sarky first, that you hope hes not in hospital in traction with 4 broken limbs.......

just so you get something. anything, andthen canclose the door.

a similar thing happened with the teacher in feb. We had 2 good dates, he wished me happy valentines, 3rd date was organised. i had cooked dinner ( his fav, chilli) and it was all ready to be heated up ( chilli being better if its sat for a bit) i had run around, going to loads of trouble, dd was at sisters being babysat, house was sparkling, legs were shaved, new underwear had been brought. He had done lots of chasing, lots of phone calls. Day he was meant to come i heard nothing, thought i was odd, but reassured myself that why wouldnt it be ok. An hour before he was due i got a text saying he was ill. I called him and he didnt pick up. I text him and no reply. 2 hours later i realised that he was dumping me. i text him that i had thought more of him ( bearing in mind we had only been talking on the phonethe day before) he did reply, telling me i waswrong to.
still baffles me, but i know it wasnt me.
but the closure was important.

Attractiveness, wonderfulness has absolutely nothing to do with it. We all know amazingly glorious men and women in loving, committed relationships with the dullest people who look like they've been hit in the face with a bag of spanners. Frankly, if being wonderful and/or attractive had anything to do with anything I'd clearly be married to johnny depp by now

Someone else message LC on match please.

Surgeon emailed me this morning asking me to reconsider and while I was replying he sent me a text to tell me he'd sent the email

Sent a reply telling him he was all too much and I don't want to continue.. Hope that's the last of it

Sorry sponge, that's just not true. You can't infer that you're not as attractive or wonderful because he dropped off the radar. Some men (and possibly some women) are just weird, they'll go on dates to prove to themselves they can get them. They'll go on second dates to prove that too, then suddenly the possibility of the 'r' word pops up and scares the crap out of them. The hunt is more interesting than the prize.
Or they are married, and want the thrill without the actual 'cheating'
Or they're dating more than one person, hit it off a bit more with one of them and don't have the decency to be honest.

Any of these may be the case with LC, and none of them are your fault at all. Some people you meet on the Internet are weird. Some are good at lying and have no red flags to show.

This is not your fault. I know it's still shit and horrible, I was wondering what I'd done to lose the historian, but I realised - nothing. I was myself, I didn't lie, I didn't wipe my nose on my sleeve, and she was stringing me along, or changed her mind, and didn't have the common decency to tell me the chemistry had gone, or whatever. So as it turned out I deserved better than her because I deserve someone decent and empathic. And so do you.

at hit in the face with a bag of spanners.

sponge, your sene=se of self worth attractiveness isn't up to him to decide - surely you can see that? Maybe he's a blind idiot. Maybe he met someone he liked better even though he liked you a lot. WHo can say. But you are fab!

If I heard from him now, if there was a reasonable explanation, then yes I'd still be interested. It won't happen, of course.

I can text him. But he wont reply again, and I'll be no better off.

I honestly cant bear to think he never liked me, which I guess is what everyone is saying, because then every one of those 13 hours we spent together were just bullshit and meaningless. He wasn't laying it on thick at all, quite the opposite. But it doesn't matter does it, its all nothing, I'm just too stupid to see it.

Sponge. You know Snape and I could easily waste a few hours we will never get back on our dates. It's like walking into an electric fence. Not life threatening yet painful, prickly and a waste of time.
You are v attractive.
I will stick by my theory sponge, most men who do OD don't want to date. They just want to fill a bit of time. Ok a few exceptions. But I mean a few.

No! We're not saying he never liked you!

We're saying he's a snivelling, fucking, coward for not having the balls to tell you what happened. Grown-ups talk about their thoughts and feelings openly, with no expectation of a positive response and have the decency to attempt to talk things through in a reasonable manner with no intention to hurt either themselves or the other party. children throw tantrums or have sulking silences. I would rather conduct myself as an adult while reserving the right to jump in puddles and kick up fallen leaves

If I was as fab as I think, if I was this amazing person that I tell myself every day I am, then men - well even one man, it doesnt have to be loads - would see it and I wouldn't have had 4 years of this shit.

He's not married. He was interested. I am in no doubt on either score. And why bother paying money to join Match if he was married or didn't want a relationship? He told me he hates OD, how superficial it is, and he had no intention of doing it for any longer than was necessary.

But I'm sure that was all bullshit as well :(

Sponge no one has said that at all, and no one has said he was laying it on thickly. No one!

What people have been saying is that it isn't your fault. Read bantams message again, it's very good and nail hit on head.

Life is too short to wallow like this sponge, you need to do what you can to carve your way out of these negative thoughts, find your fight and your strength and say 'fuck you, I'm gonna be fine'

sponge - noone is saying he never liked you.
Not at all.
what we are saying is you dont know his motivation, why he is dating and what he wants out of it and whats going on with his life. You know a 13hrs version of him.
Its a snapshot and not the whole him.

Its not your fault. you didnt do anything its not due to your looks or a measure of how wonderful you are, that he disappeared.

Its not.

You need to stop blaming yourself.
Stop looking to your faults to make excuses for someones crap behaviour.

The fact is he wasnt a nice as you thought. he cant be, he asked for a nakeed pic after 1 date and then has vanished without the decency to let you know the score, after 2 good dates. Hes actually a bit of an arse.

sponge, my lovely. Please stop this.

You spent 13 hrs in his company. I know you think you know him and can judge his beaviour from that, but you cant.

you didnt know him at all.
how many people spend years and years with someone only for their partner do so something shocking, or behave in a way they cant belive. happens all the time.

Yes, he could have been married, he could have paid, its not huge amounts of money. Yes, he could have said about hating OD, he could have said all this stuff to get you on side. you have no idea if he was telling the truth or not. NO idea at all.

I would say, his behaviour seems at odd with his words actually, so yes, probably was bullshit. NOT because of you, but because he is a lying fuck.
and not a nice person at all.

sponge, are you pissed off because your judgment was faulty, i.e you thought he was awesome and he has turned out not to be? I can understand if so. It can be worrying and unsettling to feel you can't rely on your instincts, that is a crap feeling and I have had that before now in life.

But ultimately you probably did a bit of what snape did with voldie, i.e you projected your own loveliness onto him and saw in him qualities he didn't really possess.

And actually I think if you really are as awesome as you seem to be, then YES it is perfectly possible to go 4 years without finding someone who is worthy of you. It's not about them seeing you. That's assuming that if someone simply sees your super qualities and appreciates them, they will be right for you. But what about them, and their qualities? Them 'seeing' you for who you really are, appreciating your mind, isn't enough unless they are also awesome themself. And actually awesome people are rare. Like snape has said, the kind of person who would actually be compatible with her is a rare beast, I have the same issue myself because I am so odd individual... that is sad sometimes but it's one of the downsides of being awesome in a hard-to-find way. :(

Sponge, I think not having any 'closure' makes things worse. I just hate not knowing why something's happened and am always trying to work it out in my mind. And of course, with this kind of thing, there's no way of working it out, because no one can know what's in his mind. It seems utterly inexplicable, and I think you're trying to find a way to understand it - damn it, I'm trying to find a way to understand it, and I've never even met LC!

I will say one thing: the fact that he's just gone silent suggests to me that he's a coward. He could have texted you (like Bantam did with Safrican) if he didn't want to see you again. To just go silent is cowardly and inconsiderate at best, if not rude and cruel too.

The thought of you waking up every morning waiting to see if there's a text is heart-breaking. (I'm assuming he had another method of contacting you if he'd lost his phone? My phone broke earlier this year and I lost all my numbers and had to wait for people to contact me. Though I don't want to give you false hope).

If I was still on Match I would have gladly messaged LC if you'd wanted me to, but my subscription ran out last month. Plus I'd have had a hard job not telling him exactly what I think of him.

What are you doing this weekend, Sponge? Do you have anything to distract you from thoughts of LC?

oh, onemore, i think we are all a bit guilty of that sometimes :)
i know ive done it 1001 times.
becuse im lovely, and dont mess people about etc etc, i assume the same of others. I am often wrong.

The biggest thing i have learn from here, and i dont know who said it, but when someone tells you who they are : LISTEN.

Pirate told me on date 2 or 3 that he often blows things by treating girls as friends. I thought he was insane at the time, how could he be right, he was lovely ;) But he was right, and by date 6 i called him on it , and then dumped him for it.

People are always giving clues to their true selves, you just have to be listening hard for them, and thats sometimes a hard thing to do. esp so if its the opposite to what you want.

OneMoreGo, I have the same thing - somehow I'm not quite 'normal' (or yes, individual is a nicer way of putting it) so I imagine there aren't too many unfortunate souls people who would be compatible with me.

I totally agree, watch. With hindsight my instincts have worked pretty well in many ways but for whatever reason I have ignored them because I didn't want to hear that they said. Which is the same as not having instincts at all, really...
I am getting better at spotting the signs/red flags early. Huzzah.

I can tell myself it was all bullshit, that he's a complete prick but that doesn't make it better. it makes it a million times worse. Because it means that the nice evenings I thought I'd had, with a man I thought found me attractive and interesting, never existed in reality. instead I spent a few hours in the company of a complete bullshitter who never liked me in the slightest. because thats what it HAS to mean.

So spending 6 hours on Monday holding my hand, walking on the outside of the pavement, being a complete gentlemen all of it was nothing. all of it meant nothing.

I'm not pissed off my judgment was faulty. I still think I didn't imagine the evening we had, or that he was genuine. I just don't understand why he's done this.

Libby, he could message me on Match if he lost his phone (although he knows my sub has expired so I can't read them). It's not really likely though I wish it was.

I have nothing to do this weekend, but there's really nothing I want to do either.

Sponge, I wish I was free today and could drag you out for a coffee/drink. (Sadly have friend and her kids arriving in an hour or so). When I'm feeling down, I never want to do anything either - but often not doing anything makes me feel even worse.

I can't believe that Monday meant nothing. No one spends 6 hours with someone they don't like. I mean, why would they? If he wasn't having a good time, he'd have gone home earlier. It's a total mystery, and, as I said before, I think that makes it even harder to cope with. Just wish I knew LC and could find out what happened for you.

you dont have to believe it meant nothing, but you do have to believe he wasnt who you thought he was. he cant be, else he wouldnt have behaved this way.