WWYD?

[flippingstupidnickname]

I've found an "icognito" window open on my husband's computer showing the website for No Strings Affairs. In the adjacent tab was a new e-mail account opened in his name.
WWYD? And before you tell me to cut off his balls please remember that we're not just talking about some dickhead. We are also talking about my life, my family, home and even my job as I'd probably have to give it up if we separated... I just feeel so sad and don't know what to do for the best.

Oh I see.

Porn wanker who's taken it further.

No surprises there then.

I xposted OP. The webcam thing i would class as dodgy :(

OP, this isn't your fault

why do women that get cheated on always blame themselves ?

your husband may be a walking cliche, but don't you play along with it too

3 months with no sex is nothing and I am sure there are very good reasons for that. You husband could have talked to you about this, rather than seek no-strings sex elsewhere

this behaviour will have been going on for much longer than 3 months...if he's at the point of joining up such sites and arranging to meet, he's been browsing for much longer than that

it is amazing how all the usual stuff comes out is it not - OP was off sex because she caught him looking at porn.

surprise surprise!

what does he do next? finds a dodgy website where he gets to meet them!

is there a bloody script somewhere??

when one of the people involved is married is "no strings sex" even possible???

ah, he really is a true cliche of the man who starts with porn, to cams, to meeting for RL sex

what a wanker !

I wouldn't need any more evidence, just get him the fuck out of your house

do you have children that could stumble across this crap on your pc ?

you did, so they could

maybe he wanted to get caught ?

Dead right Elizabeth.

Add in a woman who doesn't want to rock the boat and has been brainwashed into thinking that porn is what all men do and this is what always happens.

OP, I wouldn't be surprised if the lack of sex and some of the other issues are triggered by your H's cheating - he will have been distant and critical. Also remember that no marriage is perfect and there will always be times when things are not great.

He is resolving his issues by going outside the marriage to fuck other people - instead of suggesting counselling, talking to you & investing time and energy in his marriage.

It's just all so sad.

OP everyone is spot on - it's not your fault.

3 days without sex, 3 months, 3 years .... no difference. It's not on to go behind your DPs back and get sex elsewhere. End of.

FWIW, my husband "went without" sex for 12 monthsX4 times, due to pg complications

if he had looked for RL interactions with cams and dating sites he would be history immediately, no more questions asked

Again, OP, it is completely normal and valid to go off sex when your partner is watching porn and sex shows.

Therefore, who's fault is it your sex life has taken a dive?

I'd be more cross that he fucking ruined our sex life, because after all, I quite like sex too

"There are various factors which we've talked about and agreed to focus on getting our friendship and affection back on track first, I thought it was going so well... "

That sentence is pretty heartbreaking.
OP, you have accepted to try and make things better. He went off and tried to fuck other women.

It is so hard. I hope you are OK.

You're all right, I know that :-( I'll confront him tonight when the kids are in bed

This thread is moving quickly...yes, not surprised about the porn as there is a strong link between porn and seeking gratification in RL.

Not surprised you went off sex when you found out about his porn habit.

When you confront him, make sure you do not take the blame for his selfish actions - he CHOSE to wank over porn & he CHOSE to cheat on you.

I don't think people leave stuff up for viewing entirely by accident. He may not have consciously done so, but I wonder if part of him wants to be found out and challenged. It sounds to me as if you'd be prepared to work hard to save the marriage and I can't tell you how much I admire that attitude. So many people recommend furious flouncing but it's more complicated than that. Forgiveness isn't necessarily the weaker option, so long as he is the one who makes changes and apologises and works hard to put what he has and could so easily have lost to the front of his priorities.

I really hope you can resolve this with him and have a better time ahead.

What's heartbreaking is that the OP thought that a chat without mentioning the massive elephant in the room - his porn and camming habit - was going to solve their problems. And what a shit of a man who was having that conversation, knowing full well his wife was daft enough to blame herself for their poor sex life, when he knew all along that his nasty habits were the culprit.

My heart sank a little at your last post OP. He'll just lie and you'll accept it, won't you?

A live porn webcam, oh lovely. That settles it OP don't be apologetic, don't plead, in his own head he's already cast you off. He could at least do you the courtesy of telling you he's moved on. Good luck.

I'm so sorry. Put your thoughts down on paper so you can get out what you want to say.

"I don't think people leave stuff up for viewing entirely by accident. He may not have consciously done so, but I wonder if part of him wants to be found out and challenged."

More likely he is just getting careless because he has got away with it so easily for so long.

Ask him directly what's going on. Dont take any crap, good luck.

So he doesn't know you know about the webcam thing either OP?

See, this is the problem 'waiting and gathering info' for me. Now poor OP has to bring up the webcam knowledge in her chat with him later and listen to him wriggle his way round that as well.

If you're not considering leaving him then you need to make him feel it. Don't sit back and let him treat you like that. Tell him you're going to join the site to and see how he bloody well likes it. bet you're furious. Whatever you do do not let him off with this

If you're dead-set on confronting him tonight (which I think is a mistake) then at the very least decide that nothing short of a full confession about his porn, camming and looking for sex is going to be acceptable. But tbh, even if he said he hadn't met anyone yet for sex, I probably wouldn't believe him so I can't see the point of going on with this relationship.