Help.

[MummyIsMagic79]

Long story short - Gut feeling my DH is cheating/hiding things. All the usual signs. He's had a lot to drink tonight, and when he has, an earthquake won't wake him.

Do I check his phone when he's fast asleep or not? I am 90% sure I will find some very painful stuff on there.

Am 35 weeks preg with DC3. H and I have our second appt with Relate in a week or so. Relate was his idea. He swears blind there's nobody else.

I don't believe him.

If I look, and find something, I will lose the 'upper hand' if you like, because he'll be more focused on me snooping his stuff.

TIA

Wow family scapegoat what an incredible post! Wise words.

Mummy, whatever you decide to do for the moment, and for some time to come, please don't ever forget that none of this was your fault; that you have nothing to apologise for; nothing to make up for. Try not appease him, in an effeort to make him stay, or to make life easier for him.

Mummy - this is your life and you must do what you want to do.

There will be support here whatever happens.

mummyismagic79 I can so feel for you and sympathise with you. I am in a very similar position right now although at least not pregnant but a few days ago snooped on my husband's phone, never done it before but something prompted me to like you and was heartbroken at what I saw - he is fucking this girl and she is pregnant with his baby. Worst thing is we've been together almost eight years but only married two months ago. It has all been going on before and after the wedding and to top it off I found other messages to another casual shag he is seeing. He refers to me as a mistake, only sticks around for the kids, you get the picture.

I don't know what I can say to make it any better for you. I still haven't confronted my husband yet so am in quiet turmoil trying to act normal but I would like to think although we have suffered massive shocks we will pull through this. I really hope there is light at the end of the tunnel and in the meantime I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug over the internet. It may be shit but we are not alone. xxx

Mummy

You have had fab advice on here - as I did in the past - but please do what you feel is right for you. Your instincts are your friend. They led you to make the discovery. We don't know your DH - you do. You've read all kinds of perspectives and it's so easy to be swayed but do what's right for you - even if that flies in the face of the general consensus here.

At the end of the day, whatever happens, you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be happy with the way you've handled things. And only you know what will enable you to do that.

All the very best.

Hey mummy.
Makes me sad to think that you think we are badgering you into something you don't want to do. It is easier for us to say leave the bastard, we don't love him.

You will see, that we will be here, what ever you decide to do.

Stay strong.

What Alien and the others said .

Hope you are doing OK today, Mummy. You too, Las, what a nightmare situation.

Oh Las, you poor thing.

Hugs to both of you.

Las that is horrific. I don't know how you could know and not immediately confront him. You are stronger than I am. I wish you all the luck in the world.

I might not post for a bit. Very busy weekend ahead and need to do some thinking. I love my H very much and I want our marriage to be saved, no matter how much work it takes.

Thank you so much for all your support and advice. I've taken every bit on board, even the things I haven't followed have been extremely help ful.

Huge Un-MN hugs to all of you.

Good luck Op.

I can very well understand that you love your H and want to save your marriage - please remember though that to have any chance of success, HE is the one who needs to be doing the hard work.

las if you want to talk things through, we are all here for you. You poor thing, what an utter bastard.

Am reeeeeallly good at revenge if you ever fancy?

mummy glad you're OK, have a good weekend.

Good luck Mummy. Hope it all works out

I get that - you want to save the marriage, but my fear is that it will be you doing all the hard work. And all that means is that he's very likely to do the same thing again a few years down the line.

I really hope not though. Good luck.

Please read again what familyscapegoat said earlier. As I understand she went through something similar and did manage to move on with the marriage.

I can understand that you love your H very much and want to do whatever it takes to save the marriage.

The thing is your decisions and actions over the next few weeks and months will be crucial for the future of your marriage.

If the marriage continues then it will only work if you get the foundations sorted out now, otherwise as others have said it will all just crumble at some point in the future.

I hope everything works out for you all

Hello

Wanted to quickly update and thank everybody again for such good advice.

H is still here in the home. Things are very slowly beginning to feel a little better.

Have been going to Relate, but it's £35 per week and as Xmas is around the corner and DC3 is being born in 7 days (!) we can no longer afford it. They gave us the idea of setting out a time/day each week to talk about things, rather than having to go over things every night and day. So we have been doing that, and have bought a notebook which we both write in during the sessions. It might sound silly but it feel helpful.

Have spoken to OW over the telephone once, last Sunday. Don't lknow if I will again. It was mainly school and practicality based.

Have ordered Shirley Glass from Amazon.

H has left me all of his passwords.

I feel more positive than I did.

Have had hair cut and coloured and eyebrows waxed yesterday, as I know I have to see her tomorrow at an event. Dreading it.

Thank you all.

Just caught up with this. What a pair of bastards! We can all give u Internet advise but this is your RL, your the one dealing with the feelings, kids and new baby. Take the time, think things over. You'll only know if you can move on by trying and giving it your best shot. I can't remember the posters name who gave that fab stay strong post on page 1 or 2. Don't beg him to be there work on it so you both WANT to be.
I hope it all works out, it truly deserves to xx

Thank you :)