Help.

[MummyIsMagic79]

Long story short - Gut feeling my DH is cheating/hiding things. All the usual signs. He's had a lot to drink tonight, and when he has, an earthquake won't wake him.

Do I check his phone when he's fast asleep or not? I am 90% sure I will find some very painful stuff on there.

Am 35 weeks preg with DC3. H and I have our second appt with Relate in a week or so. Relate was his idea. He swears blind there's nobody else.

I don't believe him.

If I look, and find something, I will lose the 'upper hand' if you like, because he'll be more focused on me snooping his stuff.

TIA

you poor thing - he is an excuse for a man that doesn't deserve you :( Your "friend" is a slag

thank you all from the bottom of my heart, honestly

he is here, today has been horrific and fast and traumatic

i've no idea whhat will happen

i will update tomorrow

thank you all

pls stay with me

Hi mummy we're not going anywhere. Stay strong if you get chance read the comments earlier there's really good advice on how to play this if you want to save your relationship.

are you MAD? he is fucking her friend and you are saying she should be thinking about saving her relationship???

^^ what Lucy said!

We're here.

I believe it's what she thinks she wants at the moment. she definitely needs the time and space to decide what she wants. I'm sure once it sinks in she won't want anything to do with him but its up to her. I'm not going to say "leave the bastard" if that's not what she wants to do right now she's heavily pregnant with 2 DC's and in shock.
The advice given further down thread is good advice for whichever outcome mummy wants, so that she doesn't get her future decided by her twat of a husband and her ex friend.

OP, please take control here

don't wait to find out if he "chooses you"

sloppy seconds ? is that all you are worth ?

give your self esteem the biggest gift you ever could and send this booby prize to the OW, it is all she deserves

to be fair, op started thread with how much she loves him even though thought he was having an affair.think op is looking for support, not up to us to tell her what to do..especially at such a late stage in pregnancy.yup, we are here op (hope u get some sleep after such a vile day)

So sorry for you OP.

Please listen to the advice on here and stay strong. X

Thinking of you OP, whatever you decide. What a nightmare of a day

We are here x

So sorry

The best thing you can do and this is also your only chance at saving your marriage is to throw him out.

The hard cold reality of life away from his family and home comforts may bring him to his senses.

Loss is what motivates these people - begging for him to stay with you is the worst thing you can do.

I understand that everyone is supporting the OP with her wish to 'save her marriage' but, really, the best advice is surely short term pain for long term gain.

Come on.

OP I am really sorry that you are going through this. I know this is a bit brutal and probably the last thing you want to think about, but....

You need to call your midwife or GP and get tested for STIs, preferably this week. There are a couple of infections that could be passed to the baby during labour if they're not picked up on and treated. This is less of an issue if you're having a planned CS, but still, it would be better to know.

Remember that at the moment you can't trust a word he says - he'll be trying to save his own skin and has already proved himself an accomplished liar.

Thinking of you x

At this point the advice is the same regardless of whether they ultimately stay together - she needs real life support, she needs to deal with the (urgent) matter of STIs and her baby, and she needs to get some distance from the man who did this to her.

At this point the advice is the same regardless of whether they ultimately stay together

Fair point, AThing.

Hi, just wanted to say how sorry I am to read your post. Many years ago my best mate tried it on with my DH, shit hit the fan massasively when she told me weeks later about the one night (less than 3 minutes) in question. To this day I wonder how people can be so fucking evil, she told me on the phone the day my Grandad dies, I was at the PO with my two young sons. Ran home crying, phoned DH, he was too scared to come home.

I did phone my real friends and my brother, their help was invaluable, I couldn't have managed without RL help. I so hope you have someone there for you and of course we will be here too but it does seem like the only option is to kick him to the kerb.

Give your RL friends / family a call and get their support you will need it.

Oh OP what complete pair if shits. Don't beg and plead with him to stay, that is what he should be doing. I hope you have someone in RL to help you through this but there are also plenty of wise ladies on here who will help you with brilliant advice.

I'm so sorry OP

Can't add to the brilliant advice others have shared, just offering another hand to hold

Please put yourself first in all of this. Take care of yourself and your baby, and your children. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, this is a nightmare and I'm sure your friends and family will want to help.

Morning mummy how is going for you today? Is the twat still there? I know you want all this to just go away love, I understand I really do. But it's not going to, and how you behave now will determine the future for you and your kids, stay strong, we are not going anywhere.

Delurking to offer a hand to hold. Gather your family and friends around you, we're here too and get strength from all of us.

don't forget to eat
whatever you want, just get some food down
or drinks milky or juice if you can't eat much

hello

he is at work

texting me constantly begging and crying

i made him call her in front of me last night

he told her he didnt want to see her anymore

she said she was the same and that she is working on starting again with her husband, they are planning to move away and change their childrens school

she apologised to him

then she said that her husband wanted to talk to me, i and when i could face it

i called back, her husband was a rock. he is a better person than any of us. he said he wanted to see if i was okay, and that he hoped H and I could try to salvage our marriage in the way that he and his W are trying to. He said i shouldnt bllame myself, and that my H needn't worry about him coming gunning for him and punching him. He said he'd always considered my H a decent bloke, although he thinks a bit less of him now, then again, he said, he thinks a bit less of wife. he said that sometimes awful things like this happen in marriages, but with very hard work and hoonesty and commitment they can still succeed. he said he loves his wife to bits and that they were having space and long talks. he was sobbing by the end of our chat, but i couldn't believe his dignity really.

dreaded the school run, but she wasnt there. she didnt send her kids in to school today

am with dd at a friends house until 3 when we need to collect my ds

still deciding wether or not to ask him to leave for a while, i know i sound like a doormat, but i want to keep things normal for dc's while i work it out, rather thn have him come and go several times

thank you all again