Help.

[MummyIsMagic79]

Long story short - Gut feeling my DH is cheating/hiding things. All the usual signs. He's had a lot to drink tonight, and when he has, an earthquake won't wake him.

Do I check his phone when he's fast asleep or not? I am 90% sure I will find some very painful stuff on there.

Am 35 weeks preg with DC3. H and I have our second appt with Relate in a week or so. Relate was his idea. He swears blind there's nobody else.

I don't believe him.

If I look, and find something, I will lose the 'upper hand' if you like, because he'll be more focused on me snooping his stuff.

TIA

That's what it means when she says she wanted them to step back until they had decided what to do - she was playing hard to get so he would end his marriage

Spot on. She has clearly been trying to manipulate him into leaving.

Intact athings post is spot on all the way through. You are the victim, contact rl family and friend ands they WILL rally round.

They however will have to deal with all the fall out of being bastards. I am worried about the impact on the kids. No ones wants their mum or dad to be the ones caught shagging each other.

But you can not do this alone. You need rl support. We are here, but rl support is needed to.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. What a pair of absolute shits. There has been some brilliant advice and support on here. As Athinginyourlife has just pointed out, everyone will be on your side.

I would also make sure he knows what she has told you.
He says he doesn't want her, but she is making put that hr had not actually made that decision and was still considering leaving. Not sure which is true, but he will eventually see her for what she is.
you need to see him for what he is though.

This is one of those situations where I think they are both as bad as each other and equally responsible. They are both horrible people and everyone (including them) need to know that.

Couldn't read and not say anything. What absolute scumbags . So sorry.

Echoing lots of posters here, what a pair of absolute shits.
Neither of them deserve any consideration. You and OW's husband are the hurt ones. I would make a call to your friend's H and tell him. Explain that you want the kids kept well out of this and that if the various DCs want to spend time together they he and you should arrange it.
Pull in friends/relatives, through money - your joint family money at getting some practical support. Talk to your mum and MiL about providing support and practical stuff around baby's birth.
I wasted so much time obsessing about ex and OW and it has taken me 18 months to get to place where I put what works for me and the DCs as a priority.
Keep posting if it helps, there is loads of support here and some of it, I guess, could turn into RL support.
to yoiu and for him and her.
Oh and if next relate session is paid up for, I would tell him not to bother to come and use that time yourself.
Practically, get any baby stuff you need, fill the freezer with ready meals, buy yourself anything that will help the family on the family account.
Now is the moment he faces the consequences of his actions.

Oh Mummy I am so sorry. What a pair of bastards. Stay strong xx

I'm so sorry for you. You did the right thing in finding out though...your instincts must be really strong.

Now, go back to NEEDSOMEPERSPECTIVE's post and READ, READ and READ again. COPY IT and keep it under your pillow...it is the advice that stands the best chance of saving this situation for you now. I have a friend who went through the same thing and that is EXACTLY how she dealt with the situation, and she is back with her husband.

Whatever you want (and it seems you want him back), Needsomeperspective's post will be the best chance you have. No man wants a desperate, needy, crying woman begging him to be in her life (even though that is exactly how you will be feeling now, and why, unless you ACT strong, the other woman will have the upper hand). You need to make him see why HE wants to be in YOUR life.

There will be many of us around if you need to rant or be upset today. You won't be alone. Xx

I'm awake again and I'm pleased to see you have had some great advice, far better than I could give.

One thing you said though. You are not alone. I know it's not someone in the room but you have us, mn collectively, we are always here. You were the first thing I thought if when I woke up. You are never alone here.

Your husband is a twat, but I just honestly cannot believe any woman would do this. I think you were very brave last night to go look. You knew what you would find but not who it would be and that's just made the whole thing worse than I can imagine.

I wish I could come round and hug you but in the meantime, here is a very inadequate (((())))

And ATHINGINYOURLIFE's posts - READ READ and READ these again too. Especially the bit about cutting off your friend...there is no reason you should EVER even look at that woman again, let alone speak to her.

I wish I was on here when my friend was going through this...we had to muddle through, but would have really appreciated the kind of advice you are being given by people who've been through this already.

I'm so sorry OP.........please kick his sorry arse out the house. You and your dc's deserve so much better.

Some men are such bastards!!
Don!t let him play you.

What a pair of prize arseholes. I'm so sorry you've been betrayed like this.

I know you love him, but if he is going to treat you like this, you don't need him. Kick the bastard out. You deserve so much better than this.

You will be okay.

Oh mummy you poor poor thing, right, please listen to posters like anythinginyourlife and needsome. YOU are not in the right place to deal with that fucking cuntbiscuit right now. Take time, shut down, fuck him right out of it, and her, well jesus christ, she is just as bad, she is, because she was a friend.
Unbelievable bastards. He is not the man you fell in love with, that man is gone, FACT, that man would never have done this to you.

Chin up lovely lady, stay strong, and shout if we can help, at all.

Make sure her husband knows, especially as they've been using his home.

You poor thing. The best way of dealing with this right now is to cut them out of your life and tell your husband you wouldn't touch him with a bargepole now.

Then focus on you and your pregnancy and tell your midwives because you'll need some swabs doing in case he's infected you and your baby.

Don't what ever you do imply that he's got any choices left.

Oh, god of course, BethFairbright is right :(

He has put you and the baby you're carrying at risk. You do need to tell the midwives and get that investigated as a matter of urgency.

Please listen to Needsome and Anything.

If he thinks he can pick between you or have you hang on while he makes up his mind, he won't value you or your marriage. If he thinks you're desperate to keep him at all costs, there'll be no incentive to end it with the OW. If you make yourself a doormat, they will wipe their feet on you some more.

He needs to feel the consequences fast and hard, and he needs to be the one begging for a chance, not you.

I'm so sorry, please be strrong, please follow perspective's advice. Its the only way to win at this.

I'm so sorry to read this. Hope you have some RL support with you there.

What a pair of shits.

So sorry OP

Has the OP been back? I hope everything is ok

I wish I'd had needsomeperspective's advice years ago. I went the other way, pleading, begging, telling him how much I loved him. The only time I saw true respect on his face was when he realised I'd had enough.

I'm so sorry, OP. Do as everyone above says. And yes, tell her husband, too.

'I wish I'd had needsomeperspective's advice years ago. I went the other way, pleading, begging, telling him how much I loved him'

Me too, and I wish I had someone to give me needsomeperspective's advice too. I am so very sorry you are going through this OP. I can't believe the disgusting behaviour of your H and your so-called friend. You have every right to feel hurt and devastated. Please please don't be afraid to lean on people - as other posters have said, everyone will be on your side - everyone - and people will be more than happy to help you in any way they can.

You do not deserve this. Get angry. Stay angry. Take control. Lean on people who you know you can trust. Please keep posting - you have lots of people on here who are rooting for you, who know how it feels to be betrayed like this and will help you to stay strong. MNers are great in a crisis so please feel free to use us. Thinking of you and your DCs xxx

op, I remember your previous thread, you were so utterly convinced that you had crazy paranoia and it came across so clearly that all your responses were people advising you to see your gp. he would rather let you believe that you were totally mad than admit or end his affair..horrible, my Dad did that to my mum and it was the worst bit of it for me. hope you've got some good support around for you, your dcs and can somehow find some calm for your due baby

Still thinking about you op and hope you have been ok today xx

Hope you are ok tonight.