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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

date raped.

127 replies

NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:23

Am in shock a month later. If not worse.

Really really nice guy. He blew me away with his gentleness and thoughtful ness.

After a short while, and having esteem issues, he was brilliant about putting me at my ease.

Couple of dates later, he wanted to experiment with something I wasn't keen on, and up to a point I thought he had respected my wishes... but then he decided he wanted to proceed. And within minutes, despite everything I know and know I should have done. He had carried out what he wanted to do.

After a history of rape, abuse, assault, control and manipulating relationships, there is no indignity left for me to endure.

I am beyond feeling at the moment.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/10/2012 17:26

Have you reported him to the police?

pumpkinsweetie · 14/10/2012 17:27

You need to report this opSad

Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:28

Not Yet.
everythign is screaming inside me.
Had just got to a good place about myself which is why I started dating.

OP posts:
Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:28

it was horible

OP posts:
PedanticPanda · 14/10/2012 17:29

Sorry I can't work it out from your OP, did he drug you?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/10/2012 17:29

You were unlucky, that's all. You weren't to know that the man you were dating was a rapist. You are still in a good place and you will be in a better place about yourself if you don't let him knock your confidence but instead report him to the police.

fraktion · 14/10/2012 17:30

You have to get yourself some support. Please. Is there a Rape Crisis near you?

You also need to report it and the sooner the better. He sounds a horrible person who preys on vulnerable women.

bamboostalks · 14/10/2012 17:30

Report to police immediately please. I am very sorry that this happened to you.

Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:30

sorry no... we were just on a date. head not clear for expressing things.

He really was 'nice' but suspect he recognised my low esteem

OP posts:
Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:31

god it was fucking awful

OP posts:
Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:31

in pieces

OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 14/10/2012 17:32

I believe you. Please get some RL support OP. Maybe Rape Crisis? Do you have anyone to talk to - family or friends? I'm so sorry he has done this to you.

amillionyears · 14/10/2012 17:32

It is not your fault.
Have you confided in anyone in RL? Would they be there, or go with you ,to report him.

Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:34

abuse issues related to family.. won't go there.

Confided in RL friend...

he said after that I was quiet and had more colour than normal, and then pretty well left.
SadSadSad

OP posts:
tribpot · 14/10/2012 17:35

Unless you find it particularly helpful, I would not describe this as 'date rape'. It's a loaded term, implying something 'other' than rape. Which is what it was.

I'm assuming you haven't been to the police about it as you don't mention that - you may feel that you can't at this stage since the physical evidence will be gone. I believe you can still report it but there are other Mumsnetters better placed to advise. What I really would suggest you do is call Rape Crisis and talk to someone trained in counselling people through the dreadful experience you have had. I would also report it to your GP and seek some face-to-face counselling as well.

It sounds as if you haven't sustained physical injuries - please be assured I do not want to imply that rape did not occur just because it wasn't necessary to subdue you by force. Shock and fear can immobilise you just as effectively :( However, if you have any physical injuries please do make sure you get them treated.

Please don't believe you could have prevented this. You are the victim of an appalling crime.

Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:36

I know what I have to do and the sooner the better, but can only face this in litle chunks

OP posts:
PedanticPanda · 14/10/2012 17:37

I agree with others about reporting, even if you cant bear to at the moment then would you consider contacting an organisation like RapeCrisis, if you don't want to phone them are you able to email? I know the Samaritans have a service that let's you email them but am not sure if others do.

tribpot · 14/10/2012 17:37

That's entirely understandable. I don't think anyone is underestimating the difficulty of reporting this crime. Would your friend come with you whilst you talk to the police?

Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:39

rape crisis would be good

i bled a lot afterwards and took the MAP . I was really ill and shut it off.

Up to that point, there had been no need for force, he suggested something I aid I didn't like it and within minutes he just did it.
Nothing changed apart from the look on nhis face.

Had been 'kind' but was 'cold and hard' in his eyes.

OP posts:
amillionyears · 14/10/2012 17:40
Sad Is there someone else in RL you can talk to,who could help you?
Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:40

first time I had let anyone close in three years.

he was so 'nice'

but it was really vile.

OP posts:
amillionyears · 14/10/2012 17:41

Little steps will still get you there.

Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:42

I have isolated myself a lot in last few years due to lack of trust.

RL friend will help....

no injuries but he hurt me a lot and I told him

OP posts:
Original poster
NumbAndRaw · 14/10/2012 17:42

he said.. 'well I want to '

and I sort of blanked out

OP posts:
amillionyears · 14/10/2012 17:43

Like Cogito said, you were not to know.

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