The kids winge and cry

[BurntToastSmell]

I have two very demanding young children. A toddler (2 years) and a baby (9 months). They winge all day long (I really mean: all. day. long). Aside from look after the kids on my own all day (7am till 6pm) I have to keep the house clean, make their food, make sure all the dishes are washed, make sure all the clothes are clean, take them to baby & toddler groups, AND run an online business. I'm at the end of my tether because of the constant winging all day long. My friend has suggested using an ipod and turning the volume up full so I can't hear their winging. Is this reasonable? I don't know how I would get all my chores done otherwise, but I feel terrible. I read that if you leave young children to winge/cry, you can lower their self esteem and make them more anxious (due to elevated levels of cortisol). I really hate leaving them to cry but I don't know what else I can do? I don't want to put them into daycare/nursery until they are 3.

Define whinge? Or do you mean cry?

No to the iPod idea, that's stupid and will only teach that you are ignoring them.

proper winge.

what else can I do? I literally can't humanly take the winging all day. I end up snapping and shouting at them (which is surely worse than an ipod?) I've tried ear plugs but they just pop out.

So they aren't crying, just being 'moany'?

Does the 2 year old play independently? Have you tried the whole engaging her in an activity then retreating and letting her play alone or does the 9m old get in the road and annoy her?

Could you use a play pen for him and give them both a little bit of their own space?

As a general rule I always ignore whining but never crying. If it's all day though I'm guessing they are bored. Sod the cleaning get the jelly out have a play
I wouldn't use the ipod approach because you can guaruntee that the day you do that is the one day they are genuinely ill and you will feel terrible. Either that or put em in nursery. Get them out your hair!

If you had an iPod on loud how would you know if one of them was genuinly crying?

Errr... why are you so determined not to use any sort of daycare/nursery until age 3? Plan A is clearly not working as you are going demented, so you need a plan B. A couple of hours a day to get the online business done plus anything where you need 100% focus on what you're doing not what the moany monsters darling angels are up to.

The 2 year old is way better than the 9 month old. He never seems satisfied with anything. Kalisi - I guess he's bored as you say. He's at that stage where he can't crawl yet wants to explore everything. He's not satisfied sitting with toys. He always ends flat on his face, which means I'm picking him back up literally every 2 minutes. I'm at the end of my tether. I always make sure we go out at least once a day regardless of what chores there are to do.

Sirzy - I'd know by the look on their face? I'd be in the same room.

If you had an ipod on then one of them could choke, fall or anything. Sounds like they might just need some more activities. To be honest I never bother to clean until my kids are in bed.

Plus it will probably be better for them if you are busy all day

Playschool better than ignoring them.

Find out why they're upset.

You've actually used ear plugs?

What about walks, trips to the park? What do you do with them all day? Like how do you engage with them? Sorry I just have this horrid vision of you with ear plugs in doing your best to ignore your children.

imperial - I don't really want this to turn into a 'daycare right or wrong?' thread. Suffice to say, I've done the research and a daycare environment can be damaging to the under 3s (having to compete with some many other children, being away from primary carer without sufficient understanding, etc). I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I'm a WAHM. I just need to develop some sort of stratergy here. That's why I posted this thread.

Duct tape?

missy - my kids never settle in bed until 9pm. By that point I'm exhausted. So should I then spend hours cleaning and doing my online business? Even if I attempted that, I don't think there would be enough hours, unless I just gave up sleep.

I had whingy kids. I know how irritating it is.

Everyone was happier when I returned to work part time and they went to nursery. Neither have ever known any different.

Being stuck inside was a form of torture.

Okay, understand you don't want to go that road. What about getting someone in to share the chores with you? Au pair? Or take the cleaning burden off with a cleaner. Maybe worth the money to save your sanity.

So if you would always be looking at them (Ye right!) what do you gain?

Btw I would check your research, full time childcare in under ones in some cases can have long term impacts but beyond that it is actually shown to be pretty beneficial in a lot of ways.

You seem to be trying to do to much. You either need to use a small amount of childcare or get a cleaner and be more realisitic in what you can achieve in a day.

I would imagine being bored while mummy cleans and works in much worse for a child that a few hours a week in nursery.

X posted. Your research might back up your theory but if you're all miserable then isn't it better to have a rethink about plan b otherwise you've got at least another 2 years of this?

imperial - love the cleaner idea. How much do they charge these days?

Sirzy - the livingroom and kitchen are joint (openplan) so I can see them from any point in the room (and the 2 year old is my shadow of course).

Sirzy - read the book "How Not to Fuck Them Up" if you're interested in the daycare topic. I really don't want to debate it here. I'm not comfortable with putting my children in daycare until age 3.

I am sorry I find it hard to believe ANY parent constantly watches their child, especially when there are 2 children.

Why you would purposely restrict one of your senses I don't understand?

I don't understand how you can be so sure about the harm nursery could do to them yet you're considering ignoring your own kids using loud music.
At least a nursery worker is paid to give them attention.

If you're working, your kids should be looked after properly by someone else, IMHO. Otherwise the stress on you is untenable, as evidenced by how you're feeling.

Could you afford help in the home, if daycare out of the home is not an option?