The kids winge and cry

[BurntToastSmell]

I have two very demanding young children. A toddler (2 years) and a baby (9 months). They winge all day long (I really mean: all. day. long). Aside from look after the kids on my own all day (7am till 6pm) I have to keep the house clean, make their food, make sure all the dishes are washed, make sure all the clothes are clean, take them to baby & toddler groups, AND run an online business. I'm at the end of my tether because of the constant winging all day long. My friend has suggested using an ipod and turning the volume up full so I can't hear their winging. Is this reasonable? I don't know how I would get all my chores done otherwise, but I feel terrible. I read that if you leave young children to winge/cry, you can lower their self esteem and make them more anxious (due to elevated levels of cortisol). I really hate leaving them to cry but I don't know what else I can do? I don't want to put them into daycare/nursery until they are 3.

Bogey he has been physically abusive. Counselling is not advised in these circumstances.

Dearest Burnt,

So sorry to hear what a hideous time you are having.

I think the children whinge and whine because they have a very unhappy mother.

I wonder if you could use some of the £50 a week on a cleaner and just use the dryer to dry the clothes anyway, regardless of what your horrid, lying unsupportive and now abusive H says.

That shopping bug you have - it fills the desperate empty hole in you doesn't it? (I have had it too, a long time ago) It also brings you some feeling of control in this awful situation where everything seems out of your control. But you can get that feeling from other things, like squirrelling away that money for things that are really important to you - a cleaner, a taxi, a gym visit, a private one to one counselling session.

When you say you can't eat because you are sick to your stomach, I think about all that fizzy diet coke that's going down and worry that with the stress and all, this diet coke habit will give you a stomach ulcer. Also, you mentioned being an anxious person - well that diet coke is full of caffeine as others have mentioned, and this amount of caffeine is going to seriously affect your anxiety levels. you must be absolutely buzzing with it!

Please go and see a doctor or a personal counsellor and get yourself some help.

Once you are in a happier place, your children will be too and when they do whinge (which will hopefully be less), it won't bother you so much because you won't be so hyped up on caffeine and you will hopefully feel calmer.

As for the husband, well I suppose you have to decide if this is what you actually want to do with your life...

If it was me, I would rather be without him, and lead my own life with him paying maintenance and me controlling my own finances. If he earns £52,000 a year, he would have to give the lion's share to you to support your children.

Best of luck with sorting things out for a better life for yourself and your children.

Also, with regard to the diet coke habit - That wonderful but almost painful feeling of the cold fizz going down, you can do this with fizzy mineral water.

burnt, how are things or have you got a new thread?

I have read the entire thread.

I am probably alone in not thinking that your husband is the devil incarnate. He sounds like a man pushed to the edge himself. Your way of dealing with your unhappines is to spend lots of money on eBay. His release is to have an hour a day with a friend. Inconsiderate and selfish of him? Damn right. But not the end of the world.

You language describing the children is, well,upsetting if I am honest.

Your single track mind about child care and your insulting words are unpleasant.

Nor do i share the popular view that your husband is a control freak. You freely admit you have no control over spending, so he controls the lion's share. Sensible in my opinion.

You receive £200 a month above groceries and eBay expenditure, seems reasonable to me. the £18 a week diet coke habit comes out often grocery bill and not your personal money, yes?

You go to the gym twice a week,to which he drives you because you can not drive, doesn't seem like a control thing to me, instead seems like quite a nice thing to do for your partner. Presumably the children are in the car and he has to keep them amused in the car whilst you gym? Decent. Or does he go home, get them out of the car, then half hour later do the whole rigmarole again? Whatever, decent of him I would say.

Ok, shaking you is unacceptable. And profoundly wrong of him. You say you fought him too. Was he defending himself? Whatever, he should not have hurt you. By your reaction to call women's aid is an over reaction in my opinion. Has is man ever been physically abusive to you in the past? Has he ever hinted at violence before? You have to mentioned it, so I presume no. So you ring women's aid, when there are women out there genuinely in fear or dangerous men. And what is your purpose? Refuge is out of the question apparently. I suggest you read some of the other threads on mumsnet from women who live in terror, who live for the moment that they can get out and take their children to refuge.

In short burnt toast, I have little sympathy for you. I do, however, have huge amounts sympathy for your children, and even a little bit of sympathy for your husband.