My husband has been having an affair and is leaving me

[DaydreamDolly]

I can't believe I'm writing this. 2 DD's youngest 6 months. Been going on 2 yrs on and off. He loves her. I'm devastated. What am I going to do? He told me at 10pm so I haven't told anyone in RL yet.

A big hug from me too, Dolly. Remember this is all his fault and not yours.
Take it one day at a time, focus on you and DC and be kind to yourself.

It kills me at times, it really does and I won't pretend I don't sometimes wish I scratched both of their eyes out when I found out, but the dignity/indifference approach is probably for the best. The O.W. is not a person worthy of notice and attention.

It's not just to make it difficult for him maleview like it's some kind of game, with the children as pawns. It's because it is his duty and his children's right. It's because so far at least, he has not abdicated his position as father - merely as husband. Why would he probably say no? Oh hang on....

Why will sharing the care between parents as equally as is practically possible upset the children any more than their father leaving home and seeing them infrequently and sporadically?

Sorry OP, this has become a hijack and a soapbox, and I appreciate that you will not be ready to hear this. I apologise. I'll stop.

Dolly - at this stage, dont worry about access to the children, your youngest is too young to leave you for long anyway... Agree one day a week or whatever suits you for now.....

I went to mediation with STBXH as he kept quoting that he had equal rights over DD and that I was being awkward, yet he kept turning up late, changing plans the day before, bringing her back late. Quoted his equal rights, yet refused to have her a day a week in the holidays....

so do not worry about long term access at the moment, that is something that you can sort out as it goes along.. The main thing is to keep the kids out of it as much as possible.

It was so hard for me, with DD crying and saying I miss Daddy. It broke my heart to see her like it, but all I could do was to reassure her that we both loved her. The bastard sat her down and told her that he was going to live somewhere else and walked out. She tried to pack her little bag and go with him. I will never forgive him for that ever. So how you handle it now, is vitally important for your children. All they need to know is that you love them and that Daddy loves them and that they will still see Daddy.

I know how hard it is. I am so so sorry for you.

Good decision fellatio

Still thinking about you Dolly, and hope that you have spoken to your parents now. Please keep posting and remember that people are here to hold your hand. I know you must be shattered - just take it one day at a time at the moment and focus on the practicalities. Well done on keeping your dignity. I would not contact OW either. What could you say? You are a skanky, manky bitch who has been shagging my husband and destroyed my children's lives? Well, yeah....but she knows that. And doesn't care. Far better to hang on to your self respect and ignore her. Hope you are getting hugs and support from people who love you.

Fellatio please don't apologise I appreciate all of you taking the time to give advice I really do. You are all helping so much. He appeared back at home at 11.30am asking what I wanted him to do?? Could he stay all afternoon? I have taken DD2 with me to mums and he is picking up DD1 from pre school and taking her for lunch. He can't stop crying like he's such a victim.

And you're all right, I mustn't contact her as tempting as it is right now. Thank you for levelling me on that score.

Dolly l hope you told him that you wanted him packed and ready to leave by the time you got home. No one likes a cry baby. He has made his bed so to speak.
hope Dolly you have told your mum and got the support that you need.
I am a bit confused as to why he came back and wanted to stay for the afternoon. Has the OW paniced and realised that she doesn't want him full time.
Please remember--DO NOT be anyones second choice x

He's asking what you want him to do? I would say calmly that you would like him to take whatever he initially needs and to arrange a mutually convenient time (when you and DCs are NOT there) to collect everything else. DD1 does not need to see him packing his bags in front of her. Good luck honey.

And he's a wet shit for crying. This is all down to his own actions.

Thanks sowornout. He actually asked if I needed him! I laughed and said, errr, no. You're the last thing I need right now. I can't look at him. He's coming back weds after work to see girls. I'm going to go out for a few hours while he baths and puts them to bed. This is so fucking weird. Oh, and she may have blocked me on Facebook but she hasn't blocked my mum so we've been looking at her page. I think she has a boyfriend so perhaps has loose ends to tie up herself. Unless they both planned to do it this weekend and it took him til 10pm Sunday to get round to it. That sounds likely doesn't it.

When's he going to pack up his stuff? Between sobs? The way he's carrying on he'll need to take the contents of his bin bags to an industrial drier

I hope you gave him the 'don't be surprised if she gets named one way or another in my petition for divorce' speech - that's guaranteed to get her shitting herself having second thoughts and may cause him to shed a few more tears when she takes a closer look at the prize you've eagerly dumped in her lap and decides her hitherto unsullied reputation is more important to her than he is.

Have you got dry eyes and full slap on, Dolly? If so, we'll give the twunt cause to rue the day he did the dirty on you.

Ugh - I hate it when they cry like this.

You do not need your head messing up even more.

Tell him he made his choice.

Be calm and dignified and once he's gone, you can cry your eyes out.

Izzy you'd be proud of me as he sat in the sofa sobbing, I ignored him completely and read the newspaper. Yes dry eyes and almost full slap not quite as eyes pretty sore red and swollen

O yes, it was definitely a mutual suicide pact, synchronised watches and all that, but I'm guessing she hasn't shot herself in the foot so far as her boyfriend is concerned whereas he's shot his bolt and is beginning to realise he's up the proverbial creek without her as a paddle

Buckets of Optrex, honey. When he next sets sight on you, the only colours around your eyes will be the ones you've put there.

ugh, how pathetic he sounds

what a whining, self-obsessed creature he is

those crocodile tears for himself would crush out any remaining spark of respect for him, if I were you

Keep your nerve Dolly, you are right to take no notice of the crocodile tears. He'll be blaming you soon enough when he realises he hasn't actually though this through.

Get him out of the house, get down to the benefits office, make contact here to sort out your legal aid situation:

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Dl1/Directories/UsefulContactsByCategory/Governmentcitizensandrightscontacts/DG_195356

and start looking for some good legal advice straight away. Thank goodness you have your mum and dad close by to look after the children, you will be busy picking up the pieces in the next few weeks.

Try to remain positive throughout and stay on an even keel for your own sake as well as your children. Don't get embroiled in his personal emotional shitstorm.

Thanks Olgaga. I will look at all links to ight when girls in bed. If I can keep my eyes open

Yes - getting plenty of sleep is also important!

Pathetic really.
You are doing brilliantly so far, keep your lippy to hand. I'm 4yrs post separation/divorce and I see a shell of a man in my exH. I, on the other hand, feel a million dollars.
I appreciate there are some tears and emotions for you to feel. Grieve grieve grieve. But at the same time, start taking control and think about some words of advice given here. He'll HATE that you're taking action. He'll shout and cry even more. You might even laugh at his self-righteousness and victim like behaviour.
It's also probably someone else's fault too... Never his.
You will hear all sorts of whiney crap from him, and I am sorry to say, it'll be about the money first so please move fast to get yourself sorted.
We're all still here.

Dolly I just wanted to say that I think you're doing fantastically well. I know that the next few weeks/months won't be easy but lucky for you to have DPs so close by.

I wish you all the best and I wish your STB-ex a severe case of simultaneous explosive diarrhoea and projectile vomiting. Childish I know but it's something I occasionally wish on my STB-ex and imagining it happening in the company of his new g/f just makes me feel a teeny bit better

I haven't been in your position but just wanted to say how strong you sound and a bloody well done...

Wishing you all the best Dolly, you sound very strong and together.