or is he? answers below please!

[veryconfused81]

Basically, I have recently moved in with my DF. He has a DD who stays with us 40% of the time. She is 7. I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old. My DF has just started a new job as a teacher, in a neighbouring town, which means he does not get back here until 4.30pm. His DD does an activity class on a Wednesday, and we have her every other Wednesday. Prior to me moving in it was discussed that on the Wednesday we have his DD I would need to take her to her class for 4.45pm. So that would mean picking them up from school (about 20 mins drive from where we live), hanging around at home for an hour, making sure she gets changed, then driving her to her class and dropping her off (again 20 mins or so to get there). I had no problem at all with that, of course I was more than happy to help out. Then he drops it on me today that he has realised that on Wednesdays he has a meeting after work so therefore wouldn't be there to be able to pick her up. This would be every Wednesday. So that means that I have to pick the kids up from school, drive home, drive back into town an hour later, find somewhere to park and pay for it (extortionate where we live), then hang around with my 2 kids for an hour, including my rowdy toddler who at that time of day is generally not much fun, probably in the cafe attached to the place where DSD does her activity, with them both bored shitless (I am speaking from experience as I did do it once last term), and watching DD2 like a hawk as there is an automatic door leading directly onto a very busy main road.

So I suggested maybe he could contact the centre and ask if it was possible to change her day to one where he would be able to grab her on the way home, which means I just have to drop her off then can go back home. And he went MENTAL, i mean proper mental, shouting and shouting at me about how I won't help him out, culminating in calling me a slut (not sure how any of this conversation makes me a slut but there you go). I tried to point out that I was more than happy to collect his daughter from school, get her ready for her club and drive her to it, but if there was any way around me having to hang around waiting with the kids then that would be much better (any other day of the week would be fine as it's only Wednesdays he works late, and the club runs every day). But he is having none of it, apparently I am selfish and only ever think of myself.

I am totally prepared to hear that I am BU, do you think I am?

sob I DO love a happy ending!

Thanks for coming back to update very it's lovely to hear of a positive outcome & sometimes these threads just tail off with no news.

Made my day, so pleased for you-your Mum sounds fab & I hope you have a great break with the girls. Butlins is a change & a bit of fun for you all, much needed I'm sure. Seychelles next year maybe eh? ;)

Good luck & un MN hugs to you all.

Well done OP

It was lovely to meet you- I am so happy that you are settled and I look forward to seeing you again soon :)

Yes I resulted to tears whilst listening to a sad song reading you recent post op about the helpful mumsnetters

There really are some lovely people, I'm glad your doing great

So pleased you're out of his house. Good to hear your girls are doing well too. :)

Just came back to check on this, and am so so SOOOO proud of you, OP, well done x millions.

I think you should namechange as you are NOT confused, you are Verysortedandstrong81,!!

Ignore fuckwit ex and enjoy your life!!

Well done very you are an inspiration and I can tell you now that this thread will be used many many times over in the future as a source of strength and inspiration for others in tough situations.

You are an amazing example to your girls, you should be very proud of yourself

He's a verbally abusive prick who spits his dummy out when he can't have his own way ... Isn't this the time he's supposed to be spending with his dd ??!!

Ah I'll always be veryconfused about something or another, but that's just me :).

Having happy times with my girls, found a nice school for DD1, and I'm also having a bit of a social life as my mum is happy to have the kids, so starting to feel like me again.

I always thought of MN as a bit of a vipers nest, I would just come on here to pass the time once in a while and read some funny stuff in AIBU usually. But I got genuine support from all of those who commented, and whilst friends in RL were giving me similar advice I was so befuddled I couldn't see the wood for the trees. To have so many people saying the same thing gave me the push I needed to do what I did. So you should all give yourselves a pat on the back for that. What might have seemed like a minimal input to this created the overall effect.

And I still feel fine about the abortion. I almost went insane thinking about doing it before I did it. And although part of me will always feel sad that my baby never was, at the same time I feel massive relief that I am free from another huge load of stress and worry. The guilt that I was expecting to feel just hasn't come. I never, ever thought I would go through with an abortion. But knowing that if there was any viable way for me to have had that baby I would have done means that I have nothing to feel guilty about - and I definitely acted in the best interests of the 2 kids I already have. So whilst I still can't say wholeheartedly that I think abortion is OK, I would say to anyone in a desperate situation like I was to not be scared, that you can choose not to be swallowed up by guilt. I want to make sure that I make something of my life now, that I do positive things to move forward - starting with finding a home and making it lovely for me and my girls - and if I carry on doing this then I can feel like that baby's life wasn't taken in vain.

Still getting lots of texts and calls from the ex, boy is he regretting what he did now, but that's his problem. You live and you learn.

So pleased to have a positive update!

You stay strong and enjoy this lovely time, you deserve it.