or is he? answers below please!

[veryconfused81]

Basically, I have recently moved in with my DF. He has a DD who stays with us 40% of the time. She is 7. I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old. My DF has just started a new job as a teacher, in a neighbouring town, which means he does not get back here until 4.30pm. His DD does an activity class on a Wednesday, and we have her every other Wednesday. Prior to me moving in it was discussed that on the Wednesday we have his DD I would need to take her to her class for 4.45pm. So that would mean picking them up from school (about 20 mins drive from where we live), hanging around at home for an hour, making sure she gets changed, then driving her to her class and dropping her off (again 20 mins or so to get there). I had no problem at all with that, of course I was more than happy to help out. Then he drops it on me today that he has realised that on Wednesdays he has a meeting after work so therefore wouldn't be there to be able to pick her up. This would be every Wednesday. So that means that I have to pick the kids up from school, drive home, drive back into town an hour later, find somewhere to park and pay for it (extortionate where we live), then hang around with my 2 kids for an hour, including my rowdy toddler who at that time of day is generally not much fun, probably in the cafe attached to the place where DSD does her activity, with them both bored shitless (I am speaking from experience as I did do it once last term), and watching DD2 like a hawk as there is an automatic door leading directly onto a very busy main road.

So I suggested maybe he could contact the centre and ask if it was possible to change her day to one where he would be able to grab her on the way home, which means I just have to drop her off then can go back home. And he went MENTAL, i mean proper mental, shouting and shouting at me about how I won't help him out, culminating in calling me a slut (not sure how any of this conversation makes me a slut but there you go). I tried to point out that I was more than happy to collect his daughter from school, get her ready for her club and drive her to it, but if there was any way around me having to hang around waiting with the kids then that would be much better (any other day of the week would be fine as it's only Wednesdays he works late, and the club runs every day). But he is having none of it, apparently I am selfish and only ever think of myself.

I am totally prepared to hear that I am BU, do you think I am?

[Funnylittleturkishdelight]

So pleased to have a positive update!

You stay strong and enjoy this lovely time, you deserve it.

[veryconfused81]

Ah I'll always be veryconfused about something or another, but that's just me :).

Having happy times with my girls, found a nice school for DD1, and I'm also having a bit of a social life as my mum is happy to have the kids, so starting to feel like me again.

I always thought of MN as a bit of a vipers nest, I would just come on here to pass the time once in a while and read some funny stuff in AIBU usually. But I got genuine support from all of those who commented, and whilst friends in RL were giving me similar advice I was so befuddled I couldn't see the wood for the trees. To have so many people saying the same thing gave me the push I needed to do what I did. So you should all give yourselves a pat on the back for that. What might have seemed like a minimal input to this created the overall effect.

And I still feel fine about the abortion. I almost went insane thinking about doing it before I did it. And although part of me will always feel sad that my baby never was, at the same time I feel massive relief that I am free from another huge load of stress and worry. The guilt that I was expecting to feel just hasn't come. I never, ever thought I would go through with an abortion. But knowing that if there was any viable way for me to have had that baby I would have done means that I have nothing to feel guilty about - and I definitely acted in the best interests of the 2 kids I already have. So whilst I still can't say wholeheartedly that I think abortion is OK, I would say to anyone in a desperate situation like I was to not be scared, that you can choose not to be swallowed up by guilt. I want to make sure that I make something of my life now, that I do positive things to move forward - starting with finding a home and making it lovely for me and my girls - and if I carry on doing this then I can feel like that baby's life wasn't taken in vain.

Still getting lots of texts and calls from the ex, boy is he regretting what he did now, but that's his problem. You live and you learn.

[Ra88]

He's a verbally abusive prick who spits his dummy out when he can't have his own way ... Isn't this the time he's supposed to be spending with his dd ??!!

[angeltattoo]

Well done very you are an inspiration and I can tell you now that this thread will be used many many times over in the future as a source of strength and inspiration for others in tough situations.

You are an amazing example to your girls, you should be very proud of yourself

[toomuchmonthatendofthemoney]

Just came back to check on this, and am so so SOOOO proud of you, OP, well done x millions.

I think you should namechange as you are NOT confused, you are Verysortedandstrong81,!!

Ignore fuckwit ex and enjoy your life!!

[HiHowAreYou]

So pleased you're out of his house. Good to hear your girls are doing well too. :)

[skiesmylimit]

Yes I resulted to tears whilst listening to a sad song reading you recent post op about the helpful mumsnetters

There really are some lovely people, I'm glad your doing great

[HappySunflower]

It was lovely to meet you- I am so happy that you are settled and I look forward to seeing you again soon :)

[CaliforniaLeaving]

Well done OP

[Bossybritches22]

sob I DO love a happy ending!

Thanks for coming back to update very it's lovely to hear of a positive outcome & sometimes these threads just tail off with no news.

Made my day, so pleased for you-your Mum sounds fab & I hope you have a great break with the girls. Butlins is a change & a bit of fun for you all, much needed I'm sure. Seychelles next year maybe eh? ;)

Good luck & un MN hugs to you all.

[veryconfused81]

Thanks everyone....so far so good. My Mum and her partner have been so lovely, we were unloading the van until midnight last night and I had the best night's sleep ever in a really comfy bed, then my mum cooked me breakfast this morning and I had a long soak in the bath (no bath at my ex's and I hate showers!), so that was a real treat. Going to spend this week trying to sort out school for DD2 and getting a new solicitor and all that kind of thing that needs to be done, but next week me and my girls are going to Butlins for 5 days while DD1's school application is still being processed. Not exactly a relaxing week in the Seychelles but the girls will love it and it will get us out of my mum's hair for a few days.

Haven't got a place to live yet and there's not much about, but I have been onto the council and hopefully will have some luck getting somewhere from them as we are technically homeless at the moment, there's lots of social housing being built near my mum's so hopefully that might happen but going to keep looking privately too and if the right place comes up that's great.

My ex has been texting me saying how much he loves me and how weird it is with us all gone. I admit I do feel sad about it all ending as it wasn't all bad but I think we have proved that living together just doesn't work, he is on about carrying on seeing each other once or twice a month at weekends, which would probably work out fine but ultimately there's no future in that so I don't really see the point.

Feel good. It's nice to be in a calm environment and not treading on eggshells. My girls have been brilliant and are dealing with the change really well.

I really want to thank 2 mumsnetters in particular who have been an amazing support - that two total strangers stepped in to help me out (one through some very sound advice via private messaging and one who I met with and was amazingly kind and supportive). Takeitaway and HappySunflower you are both amazing - thank you so much - you have really helped me to change the course of my life for the better.

[skiesmylimit]

Just read your whole thread very.

You can start afresh life now and be happy, you have done the right thing. Good luck for your future

i envy how strong you are

[Funnylittleturkishdelight]

Yey! This is your happy ending! Well done!

[Flojo1979]

Hi very I know its gonna be tough the next few days as the reality sets in, I've been there, but u will feel better soon I promise.

[Heleninahandcart]

You'll be back very soon OP and then you can finally relax a bit. Freedom is in sight x

[bogeyface]

But you're doing it and that is fantastic :)

Stay strong, we are all willing you on xx

[veryconfused81]

On my way back to somerset, totally wiped out from all the packing and lugging stuff about. Haven't got very far yet, still over 2 hours driving and all I want to do is sleep. Have to unload the van when I get there too :(. Moan moan moan. Feel really sad and emotional.

[bogeyface]

Thank you, now I can sleep :)

Take care, looking forward to you "We're home" post :)

[veryconfused81]

OK Bogeyface, I will have it next to me i promise :)

[bogeyface]

I think that you feel so positive after such a traumatic time says alot.

But please dont be complacent, sometimes they do kick off infront of their kids so just for me, being OTT and over protective, will you sleep with your phone under your pillow? Please? To make me happy?

[HappySunflower]

Glad things sound calm!
Hopefully see you at some point tomorrow, I'm around all day so any time is fine.

Sleep tight!

xxx

[veryconfused81]

Thanks HappySunflower, that's really kind, but I'm sure we'll be OK. He is fast asleep and I am going to crash soon too. He has his dd here and I have the little one so nothing can really kick off. Hopefully catch up with you tomorrow xx

[veryconfused81]

Oh yes I can relate to that 100% Bogeyface! But to be honest, I feel fine. I am amazed at how fine I feel as I never ever thought I could go through with a termination and I was in pieces leading up to it. On the day I kept it together until I was lying on the trolley about to go into theatre and they put the needle in my arm, then I went a bit mental and burst into floods of tears. And then it was done, and really I have just felt quite calm and relieved since then. The guilt hasn't come, I have had moments of sadness, but no guilt, as I know what I did was the best thing for my kids and me, and the only real option. Sometimes you just got to do what you got to do. I'm sure there will be moments in the future where I find it hard to think about but right now I am feeling relieved and positive and hopeful that better things are around the corner.

Thanks flojo, I'll be sure to let you know I have landed safely. It'll be OK, it's the home straight now.

[HappySunflower]

Hi....just caught up on here.
I won't text in case you're asleep but just to say that I hope you have a quiet night.
Should anything occur, grab the kids and head over here for the night, we don't have a lot of room but at least you'd be safe and away from him.

[Flojo1979]

I know what u mean bogey I think we will all breath a sigh of relief very when we know u and dcs are safely at your mums.
Stay strong tomorrow.