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Original poster

Is this all too fast?

297 replies

IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 12:39

First and foremost I'm insanely happy with the way things are but the odd friend is making comments which is upsetting me. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've recently bought a house (my own name on the deeds) and he is moving in with dd (2.3) and I in october phallus going to pay half the mortgage. We have regular family days out with both sides of the family and we've talked about marriage in a year or two. Looking back it feels like we've been together forever not just since January. Sounds corny but we adore each other and are so excited about our future. Why are my friends being so negative?

OP posts:
Original poster
IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 12:39

Phallus?! Stupid iPhone. He's going to pay*

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 23/08/2012 12:41

It is rather quick really. You have more to lose than him.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 23/08/2012 12:44

Probably because it isnt that long and if it goes tits up your DD will be confused and upset.

BUT you cannot live your life asking what if. If he is good to DD and you, and you get on well then I dont see a problem! :)

Binkyridesagain · 23/08/2012 12:46

if you are both happy and its what you both want carry on.

DH and I started dating in the March, he moved in with me (rented) and my DD in the October of the same year and we where married the following April, we have now been married 16 years.

Houseofplain · 23/08/2012 12:50

I imagine fwiw. You friends are concerned as they are worried about you genuinely.

7 months is no time to get to know someone really. It's very early to have such strong bonds with the kids.

You have a house, you have a mortgage. You are pretty financially sound. What is he bringing financially to the relatonship? Where is his house? 7 months is very, very early on. You can't possibly know him. But...go for it and all that. I think the reason your friends are urging caution. Is rush in, rush in and live with and marry a bloke you don't know that well. You risk your financial stability. As your house or not, your name on the deeds or not. He will have a claim, a substantial one considering he will also have a child living with you as part of a blended marriage.

Melanthe · 23/08/2012 13:12

Far too soon with kids involved and what's the rush really? He isn't going anywhere - enjoy the carefree dating stage as long as possible!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/08/2012 13:25

You do stand to lose more than he.

Was this a joint decision to move in together or did this come mainly from him?

What does he bring into this relationship?. What's his relationship history?.

How much do you really know about this man; have you met his friends, family?.
Is he solvent?. All very "boring" details when you are loved up but of vital importance all the same.

Seven months is no time at all really; its still extremely early days in this relationship.

Original poster
IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 13:30

He is paying half the mortgage, all the bills and dd's nursery fees.

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 23/08/2012 13:32

You've missed the questions op. what is he bringing? Where is his house? What are the finances like?

The minimum he should be doing is contributing. The crux of it is. He will have a claim on your house if you rush into marrying him. He is also bringing his dd. That is why your friends are worried and rightly so. You seem to be missing the huge point here, because you are in the hazy days of early love.

Original poster
IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 13:34

I've met his entire family loads and loads of times, had weekends with his family on the coast and met all his friends loads. He's met all of mine millions of times too. We are not getting married it's just something we've discussed for a few years down the line.

OP posts:
Original poster
IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 13:34

House - his dd? He has no kids! I have a dd.

OP posts:
Original poster
IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 13:37

He is paying half the mortgage, paying all the bills and dd nursery fees. He has no kids. I've met all his family and friends million of times. He has taken dd and I to Greece all paid by him. I'm not questioning his financial capabilities in the slightest. I've been to his office, met his colleagues. He has a great very well paid job. It was solely my idea to ask him to move in with us.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 23/08/2012 13:37

Is it your DD or his? From your OP I thought she was your DD but if so, why is he payng the nursery fees? And why all the bills?

HellonHeels · 23/08/2012 13:37

x post. But I am still not clear why he is paying your DDs nursery fees?

Original poster
IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 13:38

He's offered to pay my dd's nursery fees and bills as I've paid a massive wedge in cash for the house.

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 23/08/2012 13:38

Well it was worded badly. Like his dd. the advice still stands. Where is his house? Where does he live now? Quite a cushy number, for him to push you as quickly as possible. Nice house of your own. Get his claim in on it.

I see why your friends are concerned as you seem oblivious to the risk. You think you know him after 7 months and haven't even considered your own financial stability here.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/08/2012 13:40

You have written that he intends to move in with you in October.

You are very loved up but you need to wear your practical head here as well and look at this with cold dead eyes. This is why your friends are commenting, they can see possible problems that you cannot or refuse to see.

What does he bring to this relationship and whose idea was it to move in together?. How much do you really know about him?.

Seven months is really no time at all in the great scheme of things. If you are both as happy as you state and have met each others families "millions" of times there is really no rush to move in together, that would seemingly benefit him far more than you.

Original poster
IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 13:40

He owns a flat which he will rent out. Too small for us as its a one bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 13:40

I've answered all these questions previously.

OP posts:
Midwife99 · 23/08/2012 13:42

I think from what you've said you've met everyone in his life & he is totally transparent & hiding nothing. Having a great family & friends is a big reassurance. How often does he stay over & how do you match domestically?

Houseofplain · 23/08/2012 13:42

Op does not want to know. She came here hoping she'd get two posts like at the beginning. Where she was told to go for it, life is too short, your friends are bvvvvvu.

Not sensible posts, like you do not actually know him and considering you own a house, which you've put a sizeable wedge of cash on you stand to lose your financial stability by rushing.

Original poster
IrrationalFear · 23/08/2012 13:44

He stays about 3/4 nights a week and gets up with my dd in the night when she wakes

OP posts:
mamij · 23/08/2012 13:45

If it feels right it feels right. DH and I got engaged after a month, bought a place together after four months, are now happily married (for 6 years now!) with two beautiful DDs. Smile

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/08/2012 13:47

I also think the OP does not want to know either due to denial of what is being told to her by her friends because of she being loved up and not seeing the wood for the trees.

What is his relationship history like, has he remained on good terms with the ex if there is one or has he slagged her off to you more than once?.

Houseofplain · 23/08/2012 13:49

No. Generally. Friends are well.....friends. They know the situation more than most, they are there in real life seeing this unfold. They genuinely have your best interests at heart.

Unless all these friends are utterly toxic. They are seeing warning signs too. Some people never cease to amaze me tbh.

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