Is this all too fast?

[IrrationalFear]

First and foremost I'm insanely happy with the way things are but the odd friend is making comments which is upsetting me. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've recently bought a house (my own name on the deeds) and he is moving in with dd (2.3) and I in october phallus going to pay half the mortgage. We have regular family days out with both sides of the family and we've talked about marriage in a year or two. Looking back it feels like we've been together forever not just since January. Sounds corny but we adore each other and are so excited about our future. Why are my friends being so negative?

Do you think all men have hidden agendas?

I don't understand why you posted if you don't want to hear any 'negative' comments .

If you're sure it's the right decision for you, then go for it. Your choice, after all. But if you ask somewhere like this, you're always going to get a range of opinions. I'm not sure what you expected really.

I think you should think very carefully about your friends' advice. TBH, it sounds like you want people to post here saying 'go for it', which makes me more nervous. I was only with my DH for about 15 months before moving in with him and DSS, but I look back now and think we rushed. Seven months is a very short space of time. Where did you meet him - did you know him well before you started dating?

Are you friends good, kind friends? Would you usually seek their advice? It is just you say 'the odd friend' is making comments, are these friends people you usually listen to or consider to be good counsel?

I don't think House of Pain is being negative so much as pointing out harsh legal realities, I know the money stuff is boring but it is so important to get right.

like someone else has said, if it feels right, it feels right. And no one can foresee the future. If your happy, he's happy and your dd is happy, then personally i dont see the problem. Hell, you could be going out for years before moving in together and still find out it doesn't work, leaving moving in together later doesn't guarantee you any more a future together than your scenario imo. As for what he is paying, if he wants to pay that then who elses business is it really?

No I don't. You asked a question. I answered it honestly.

OP the only people who matter in this scenario are you, your DD and your DP.

Everyone else is entitled to their opinions, of course, but only you know what is right.

You've had some good advice regarding the legal docs that you can have drawn up which can spell out your arrangements regarding who owns what, who contributes what, etc, in the (hopefully unlikely) event that things go pear-shaped.

But I think that you should take some of the more negative things that house and others are saying as a bit of a "devil's advocate" litmus test of your true feelings about the situation, and whether's it's too rushed. You wouldn't have posted if there wasn't some element of doubt.

It's good that he seems happy to go along with the legal documents idea, that's a very good sign that he's above board and genuine.

Best of luck, I hope everything works out!

why is evreyone so negative about this? He will be paying half the mortgage even before getting married (marriage is not happening for at least a year or two as OP says), so how doe she stand to lose more than him? If htey split he will get what he comtirbuted, and as she paid the deposit and half mortgage he will get very little - plus she is living there with her child. Even after a short marriage he won't be entitled for more legally than what he contributed to the mortgage (and she could also just pay him in cash for that if she [prefers). If anything. is they split before getting married he would lose all his conmtributions (fees, bills, mortgage payments).
OP is he going on the deeds when he starts paying? if so yo can always specify what happens if you split. If he is not going on hte deeds before marriage, then I think he is really showing his commitment and taking a risk.

Seven months!

DH and I were engaged in six weeks!

OK no DCs and no joint financial commitments until we married 2 years later, but of course you can know how you feel in 7 months.

And you an get, as one of my postgrad friends did, in a god awful mess having been together for years.

Seven months or four years, neither is a guarantee that you'll find living together is actually what you want!

(DH and I cheated, we were broke students so we did live together at weekends. We had no money for meals out, trips to pubs and cinemas etc. Coffee and spagbol in our respective bed sits was as exciting as life got.)

It is easier to undo an engagement/marriage than any joint property stuff!

I think the risk is, if he pays her mortgage he gets a claim to her property whilst she would have no claim to his property (which he will rent out).

If they were to get married you see they would both have claim on each other's properties wouldn't they?

So cohabiting could cause issues in the event of a split if he can prove he has paid in?

Likeatonneofbricks - He isn't going on the deeds no. It is purely in my name which he hasn't batted an eyelid at. The mortgage too is solely in my name, he is going to pay me half of it, and then the whole amount will come from my account.

OP if most of your frienbds and family like him as a person and (first of all) you aer happy, go for it! to me he sounds totally genuine and open and all you need to do is get the documents right about the house (via solicitor). I don't know why some people are ynder illusion that a spouse is entitled to half the house or anything like that - the law in England is that if someone moved into another's property they get ONLY what they contributed after their move (unless we are talking of a wife and a mutual child, who would have a bigger claim for a husband's house).

OP - in this case, there is nothing to doubt at all! he sounds very genuine and it's he who is standing to lose financially if things go wrong. Be happy to find a good man like that, enjoy the new life!

There you go mission accomplished. Lots of hollow reassurances from people who know the situation just like your real friends.

I mean what could go wrong

Have a lovely time with him. He sounds nice.

Check with your mortgage provider. When OW/nowDW bought a house that I moved into (as I continued to pay mortgage on XW's house) [a year after I'd moved out from XW into my flat] I had to sign papers for the building society that I had no claim on the house.

To keep things nice and clear we ran a household account we each put money into that paid all the mortgage/bills etc. Since he's renting out his flat and so has another income stream perhaps if he puts a tad more to account for your bigger wedge that would be fine

littleblue - no if his contributions to mortgage are not official but just go into OP's account, and he is paying bills etc. Once theyu get married things will be a bit different, but then if there is divorce they'll each get what they came into marriage with if the marriage is short (up to 7yrs) and even after that they look at assets before marriage and who is with a child (as it's not a mutual child especially he wouldn't have any clain that's dispropotionate to contributions towards family life, in fact he will get a lot less that he actually contributed as it's hard to prove every single thing). The other thing is income - whoever is on much lower income can get more but it sounds like OP is on lower income than him, or at most the same.

Op I don't necessarily think it's too soon BUT please please please put things in place to protect you, your DD and your home 'just in case'.

Houseofplain - it's not 'hollow' - I'm divorced with no children and I know the law. You seem to ignore the fact that he will be paying into HER ACCOUNT, not even going on the deeds before marrying (and that's not for a while), you are unreasonably negative. Most of her friends aer happy which you also seem to ignore.

*not if (to littleblue)

I'm not ignoring anything. Just dismayed that op came here not for a question. But to be told he is genuine and perfect, all wI'll be fine.

Quite how anyone can say that or know better than her rl friends is beyond me. False sense of security much.

OP hasn't answered much about the friends who have said the negative things, I did ask if they were good friends. I have some friends I listen to and some I don't - I have some friends who are very 'go for it' whatever I suggest and some who are 'it'll go wrong' whatever I suggest and some who really listen and think about each individual dilemma.

likea I do not 'know the law' but if I were in OP's situation would want to get legal advice on the things you outline, because that is exactly the sort of assurances I would want before going ahead.

My all of three friends who are negative are negative about the speed of it all hence the title of the thread . Not once have they mentioned dp potentially having an ulterior motive which I'm almost hurt that this thread has swerved into.

Oh and it changed to "most" of her friends when posters were not towing the line with the desired response, that's not what she said or asked. To clarify.

Oh dear House you sound very bitter.

So op? Why ask what was the point? You don't want to hear negative answers? So why ask such a to the point question?

That's not bitter. I think you've confused yourself. Don't ask a question if you don't want answers.