Is this all too fast?

[IrrationalFear]

First and foremost I'm insanely happy with the way things are but the odd friend is making comments which is upsetting me. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've recently bought a house (my own name on the deeds) and he is moving in with dd (2.3) and I in october phallus going to pay half the mortgage. We have regular family days out with both sides of the family and we've talked about marriage in a year or two. Looking back it feels like we've been together forever not just since January. Sounds corny but we adore each other and are so excited about our future. Why are my friends being so negative?

manic, so pleased for you! when you say 'it just felt right' can you put your finger on it? was it the sense of trust, or wanting to take care of each other, or pure emotion? can i ask how old were you roughly? i.e. how much life experience you had.

We were both 27. I think I just felt at ease with him, he is so straight up, honest and totally selfless. What you see is what you get kind of . Also incredibly hard working and a fantastic father. Totally supportive of anything I want to do. He's never tried to be my eldest sons dad but has always there for him.
I think we just clicked because after I'd been through so much crap he was solid and strong and I needed that. Whereas I was softer and caring and although he would never really say a bad word against older sons mother, she really is an ice maiden!
But to fair, we do all get on together now, for the sake of the children.

by all getting on together I mean xh and ds1 have a fab relationship and we all have a chat when he collects him, and same with dss's and their mum

Obviously he drives me mad occasionally, and snores badly!! ;o)

how did you meet manic? did your friends know him so you sort of already trusted him, or was it just a lucky coincidence (right place, right time)? it's really great to hear such stories, I'm sure though you were straight up and open too, just interesting what were the dynamics - did he chase you (for that week) or were you very upfront about your interest in him from the first? were the rules of playing hard to get redundant in your case ?

Oh for goodness sake this is ridiculous. There are SO many women on here who have been married for 5/10/25 years and clearly still don't know their husbands well enough to know that they are gay/unfaithful/untruthful/just plain mean until it is too late and they are left heartbroken. If the relationship threads on Mumsnet teach us anything it is surely that none of us can really know what might happen in the future. Every relationship is different. Some people are more perceptive than others and some people are easier to read than others. A relationship can thrive or fail whether you give yourselves 7 months or 7 years to get to know each other. If OP feels comfortable moving in with someone she loves after 7 months (its not like its 7 weeks!) then I say go for it and don't worry about what other people think! Don't be upset with your friends as they genuinely think they are protecting you. Just kindly say that you feel comfortable with the situation but appreciate their concern. The only thing I would make sure of if I was in this situation is that your DD had got to know him well enough to feel comfortable living with him but you sound sensible enough to have thought of that.

yes, snoring is a pita - is this why you are up late ?

exactly Vicky, that was my recently-made point that 'the negative brigade' didn't answer, it takes years to seriously know someone (if they are good at hiding something) and until you live together you don't REALLY know, so better to live together before marriage rather than just jump into marriage which OP is planning anyway. They plan to move in in 10 months actually since meeting, as the house isn't ready before then, and as they see each other often, 10 mnth is a decent time, but Op can always postpone by a few months depending on how she feels. I'd cut it back regarding him caring for dd during the night at this point if i were OP, that's the only thing, as she may get too attached.

Met at work, he came to my office to do training! Got chatting, swapped numbers. Looking back it does seem crazy. We met for a drink the next day, our life stories were more or less identical. I didn't play hard to get, he's definitely not one for games! Just says it as it is which I find easier. We'd both been separated for a year, both had our own homes, he did rent his out for a year before selling.
Never really thought about much before, was such a whirlwind at the time!
You seem very interested though :o)

yes manic, my generation of women (40y.o. or so) have been brought up believing that reserve and 'making him chase you' is the way to go, I came to a conclusion that the games make you end up with wrong people if anything, so I like to hear stories where women do not hide their interest pretty much from the start (in your case day one ) and if the person is RIGHT it will work ifyou both trust your instincts, or more so, your heart. It's also so important to be tuned in to your instincts so well done! I don't want to hijack but thought as it's quiet atm, I could ask you a few questions off topic. thanks!

I should add that men do get seriously hooked if a woman is good at playing games, but these are the very competitive sort of men, who thrive on adrenalin and achievement, and not the kind caring souls who would really love you for who you are deep down, not love their own success. And those are the worthwile ones. That's also how OP describes her P, so l wish them well.

Yes it's fine, has made me think about it too and how quickly it all happened.
he's the only man I've ever met who doesn't play games or leave you in emotional turmoil. And he's taught me to be the same and I do feel a lot stronger for it. It's like we're totally our own people but have the full support of each other.
Reading some of the posts on here are a little scary though with regard to do we ever really know them. I trust him completely and I'd be devastated if I found reason not to. I have never snooped on anything, phone, laptop etc but it seems everyone does so then I start to think.....and then push the thought away!

Yes, I've experienced that too in the past, and I was very good at playing it cool in my day but I was never really happy or content then.

oh no, manic, not everyone snoops. It's only if they start feeling uneasy about things (and as you have your instincts spot on, you'd feel if anything was off) - I must say MN can be scary, but there aer also some positive stories like yours, thereas a thread on 'why i love my DH/P' and a lot of women in happy r-ships came up! definitely don't go snooping just because of MN! stay confident, once you found the good thing! tbh no one would ever go into r-ships if they were too scared, would they.

*there was

people do sometimes change with time or due to health issues/circumstances or even mental issues that aer somewhere in their genes but come out with stress only. There are no guarantees but it's essential to have a positive belief while being sensible, otherwise you won't give anything good a chance. Ok, am off to sleep now. nice talking to you!

likeatonneofbricks Fri 24-Aug-12 01:34:35
I should add that men do get seriously hooked if a woman is good at playing games

... the sort of men that like playing games...

The most "successful" I ever was at pulling - picking up women - was when I pretended to be a bad lad; was rude surly and dismissive. Very easy to pick certain women up like that.

Of course, it's only as you become adult you realise that things like that end because you're not really the sort of person those women are looking for... and quite possibly they are looking for that because of some previous problems...

Once I got to my mid 20s, I realised that games players - of either gender - weren't who I wanted to spend my time with.

yes, OnemoreChap, the game players mostly get hooked on each other, and as I said, I learned the same as you did about these women, that men who respond in this way ar not worthwhile ones long-term (or , as you say, just immature whatever the age.).

Game players often damage a fair few nice people along the way. If you're an honest type, why would you suspect people of lying? I disagree game players only attract other game players, I think they prey on the naïve, generous and overly romantic.

I did say 'mostly' rather than always, and I later thought of adding that also they can succeed with people who have little experience of dating (either young or who were not dating for a very long time and naive) - when you date a fair amount and been single a while, it's quite easy to spot the players as they pretty much the same, i.e. people who leave you hanging, being 'on and off', not calling when promised, being 'slippery' just to get you hooked. I think people who read MN are well equiped to recognise players!

..or being too nice and then once you the partner is hooked, showing true colours, but this usually doesn't take long! players as such get bored of hteir 'victims' and move on to new ventures. If we are talking about real abusers, they can well stick to one if it suits them.

I am laughing pretty hard at I think people who read mumsnet are well equipped to recognise players - I think many people everywhere get taken in sometimes. My sister perpetually picks problem men, she's on MN!

it wasn't a dead-serious comment, little (about reading MN) but I think it helped a lot of people with not much experience of dating. Many posters said so. Some people never learn, true.

Very short update as I need to pack for an impromptu weekend away with dp (is this another "red flag", I'm sure some will say so ie houseofplain). Had initial consultation with a solicitor, dp AND my very sensible and knowledgable father came too. Learned A LOT about entitlement which I won't go into as i don't feel disclosing any of it is anyone's business. All that needs to be said is that dd and I will be safe and protected whilst being able to live happily with dp. That's all we wanted.

great, OP! I had no doubt that you will be doing sensible steps regarding the house. there are definitely ways to sign for 'no claims' from one or more residents, which the lawyer just confirmed. also just proves how open he is with being happy at your DF being there. Enjoy the weekend, have a relaxing time with your P!