Is this all too fast?

[IrrationalFear]

First and foremost I'm insanely happy with the way things are but the odd friend is making comments which is upsetting me. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've recently bought a house (my own name on the deeds) and he is moving in with dd (2.3) and I in october phallus going to pay half the mortgage. We have regular family days out with both sides of the family and we've talked about marriage in a year or two. Looking back it feels like we've been together forever not just since January. Sounds corny but we adore each other and are so excited about our future. Why are my friends being so negative?

The only part that concerns me is the paying half the mortgage. That would give him claim to a share of your house if you split forcing you to sell. You would be wiser to charge him "rent" & his share of bills instead to protect yourself. If you do that & are happy together & want to marry some time in the future you can review it all! Have a chat with a solicitor & get a co-habitation agreement drawn up.

He's never said anything about his ex at all. Just that there relationship came to a natural end.

Thanks midwife, that's a really helpful suggestion.

Any contribution towards the household, could give him a claim.

Well if you split up he will just move out and move back in to his flat he owns and you will go back to paying all your bills and nursery fees. Your main concern then will be how it will affect your dd and how you can help her understand the situation. That's life and these things happen, you will get over it and so will your dd. You could wait another 2 years for him to move in and you still could break up and have to sort out how it affects your dd.or you could move him in in october and live happily ever after.

What I'm saying is, us adults can deal with break ups and finances etc its part of life. Its how it affects your kids which is the problem. I was a lone parent until I met dp 3 years ago, we live together and have a ds. We could still break up in the future, as could any couple. If we did I'd worry most about my oldest dc as he is not her real dad. I'd hope he would continue a relationship with both dcs but who knows!

Op don't worry too much about the house rules and finances etc as much as how your dd will feel. I don't know if waiting 7 months is long enough as timescales don't mean much to young children anyway. Agree all sounds well with his family etc and I'm sure it will be fine just prepare yourself for an awkward time if it doesn't work out, we all take a chance when we move in/have kids with someone.

Nice to hear your happy sugar. Dd is of course my prime concern and always will be

If you have bought the house in just your name I think it is only fair to him that you get something legal sorted out. If he is paying half the mortgage then it isn't fair for him not to be on the legal documents.

I think you should be paying your DD's nursery fees to be honest. When you are married then fair enough but you haven't been together long and you don't really kinow him or how things are going to work out.

If you are all loved up and it works out fine then there is no harm in being cautious but you have to protect your DD.

Well that's the main thing then, its something I have always worried about but the other option is to never take a chance on someone and live a single life forever. If it feels right it probably is, if its not you'll find out and move on. I hope my post came across how it was intended.

Your friends are probably concerned, I have a friend who always 'rushes' things in relationships and sometimes it has backfired but now she is happily married to someone she got together with very quickly.

Do you have a history of 'rushed' relationships and being hurt before?

It all sounds good from what you've said. Though of course we only see what you're choosing to share, not the full situation like your friends. So difficult to judge.

It does seem a bit quick to me, especially as you have a child. Why the rush?

I think when you have met the right person, things work out very easily. If you feel it is right, then enjoy it and see where life takes you.
A friend of mine dated someone who was hard work when it came to commitment for 7 years, however she met and married her dh within 9 months. They've been together for 4 years now and seem happy. Just enjoy your life really.

More sensible than most . A house is going to be worth an awful lot more than a flat. Which is less sellable.

I don't appreciate calling posters en masse blind or dumb when you've spectacularly missed the point. Reported.

SlightySquiffy - are you?

The OP stated half the "mortgage," not rent and just because he is going to rent out his property doesn't mean he won't try and talk half the house if things go wrong.

Call your solicitor and get a Statement of Trust. This outlines who owns the house and each persons claim on it. DH and I have one and it states I paid 2/3 deposit of x and he paid 1/3 and we pay the mortgage 50:50. If he is unhappy signing something then don't move in with him.

We started looking at places to live when we'd been together about 9 months and he had two children. A few people thought it was fast but it was right for us.

I'm a romantic - everything goes past my solicitor. That way DH and I just focus on the love

Waiting - thank you I didn't know the name of the document/process but knew such a thing existed, and boyfriend is happy and willing to partake. Did you just contact your solicitor to instruct them to take it on?

But....those statements of trust. Like PRE nups aren't legally binding...

Good luck OP, just trust your instincts (and make sure you listen to them carefully!)

DH and I got engaged after 4 months, and I was pg 5 months later. We moved in together after I got pg.

When you know, you know :)

House - I've bitten my tongue through every one of your negative posts. My boyfriend is contributing significantly financially and is perfectly willing to sign any statement with a solicitor. We're happy, I'm happy, my dd adores him. I'm a fully included member in his family an friendship groups. He owns his own place anyway he's perfectly financially stable. Blimey.

Congrats cake

I don't think it's too fast. So long as he has no claim to your home and you are both happy with the situation I don't think there is any reason not to.

There are men out there that have no agenda, they are not out to take a woman for everything she has, they don't want to screw her over, abuse her or wreck her childs life. There are some very nice men out there that just want to be with the person they love, sometimes things can be as simple as 'It feels right'

OP do what feels right for you, your DD and your partner. I knew my husband for 13 years before we got married, I knew his family and friends, we had grown up together, but it was only when he became my partner did I really begin to know him.

So why post then? Wrong site?

Your friends are all being negative. You asked why. You were given reasons. They know you more than most, they know the rl situation, they have your best interests at heart. Has it not occurred to you, to wonder why?

As I suspected. You didn't want to hear posts in support of them....you want the...go for it Hun, it will be ok, instincts, if it feels right go fot it, all will be well.

You didn't want real hard, cold reasons why your real life friends are being negative. So why ask! You'd rather just be blown up, by posters on a forum you don't know, who have no gauge on your real life situation, telling you love, hearts and roses is the answer. Not their house they are risking is it?

Mn would just become another Hun xxxxx place and doing mn a great disservice if posters were not honest amd looked out for other women. So see it how you wish.

"the odd friend" I quoted in my op. Most friends are delighted and can see how happy i am. My parents, sister, his parents and brother are all very excited for us.

That's not what you said is it?

"why are my friends being so negative".

You asked why. But didn't want to know.