Is this all too fast?

[IrrationalFear]

First and foremost I'm insanely happy with the way things are but the odd friend is making comments which is upsetting me. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've recently bought a house (my own name on the deeds) and he is moving in with dd (2.3) and I in october phallus going to pay half the mortgage. We have regular family days out with both sides of the family and we've talked about marriage in a year or two. Looking back it feels like we've been together forever not just since January. Sounds corny but we adore each other and are so excited about our future. Why are my friends being so negative?

Next time op. if you've got an agenda and don't want differencing answers to a direct question. Don't ask.

House the OP was asking was it too fast for her DP to move in.

Not if her partner is/will be an abuser.

^House the OP was asking was it too fast for her DP to move in.

Not if her partner is/will be an abuser.^

There's a lot of ignorance on here about the modus operandi of abusers.
And wanting to move in too fast is one of them.

I'm NOT saying he is, just relating MY own experience.

I'm with House on this one. I also really think you should go for some counselling re. the abuse you suffered.

Have you asked him any details about his previous relationship? All you mentioned was that "it came to a natural end" or similar.

I would not be satisfied with that and would certainly be asking more questions!

Supremely fortunate to be able to get a solicitor appointment arranged and all sorted within 24 hours of posting the OP.

Yes and she didn't want to hear those who said yes did she?

True that Shirley.

You got quite the kicking on this thread didn't cha House?

Stop speaking sense on the Relationship boards FFS, we're here to support.

Shirley - " we WILL be safe" obviously there are steps to go through but our INITiAL consultation has been very helpful.

Oh I know I need a hugs and Hun transplant xxxxxx

OK. Glad that the solicitor set your mind at rest WRT the finances and as I said, you were really lucky to be able to get an appointment so quickly.

I moved in with my DH after 6 weeks and we married in 9 months and 12 years on we are doing great, however I would never have done so if I had a child, I think 6 months into a relationship is the minimum amount of time to be bringing a child into the relationship and 7 months is FAR too early for him to be getting up in the night and paying her nursery fees etc. House speaks a lot of sense. This guy may well be totally genuine and absolutely lovely, on the other hand he may be one of these people who latch onto someone with a child, treat the mother like a princess and dotes on her and the child but have more sinister ulterior motives. I would leave it at least another year. I think you are rushing into this and would strongly advise against it so soon for your childs sake.

I agree it's too early.

Not too early if it's just the two of you, but too early for your DD. Particularly too soon to be getting up to see to her in the night. And I wouldn't want anyone paying my DCs nursery fees after such a short space of time.

I don't understand what the rush is. You're two adults, one of you with family responsibilities, not two teenagers.

As for why your friends are being so negative, have you actually asked them?

Having read the thread I realise it's not what you want to hear, but don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer! (though there's been one or two other posters like that on here lately). Perhaps that's why you're asking us, not your friends......?

No, no OP you just go ahead and put your feelings ahead of your daughters!

Jesus, you are so wrapped up in creating a happy 'family' for the 3 of you that you are not seeing the potential dangers here.

Please stop him from getting up with your daughter in the night, even if he is innocent of any wrongdoing, it is not appropriate - the fact that she adores him is irrelevent tbh.

I have no children but was not introduced to my partners son for 10 months - there was no rush and I wasn't going anywhere.

FFS take a step back and try and see what your friends are seeing!

"All that needs to be said is that dd and I will be safe and protected whilst being able to live happily with dp. That's all we wanted."

Who is "we"?

Its not your dd is it? She is 2, she doesn't know or understand what she wants and needs you to make good choices for her, which you are not imvho.

Agree that it is good that you were able to get to a solictor AND co-ordinate both your DP AND your Dad to be there too in such a short space of time.

Yet again OP you're just completely mssing the point. You might have sorted your house out but still your dd is potentially unsafe because of the lifechoices you are making whilst you are 'insanely in love' as you put it.
FFS take a step back and think of her. Letting him get up with her in the night is inappropriate when she hardly knows him, have you thought how confusing this might be for her. I know you're only young but you chose to have a child so you will have to step up and act like a mother instead of a lovestruck teenager

Exactly what I was trying to say upthread SimoneD . It's all very well covering your bases financially but the most precious cargo is your dd op. You ought to be the one getting up to her in the night really, certainly at this stage.

But it's love innit? There is one example where it's all been ok.....so it will be fine won't it?

Don't be bitter now.

sigh

If it all works out tickety boo, why the rush?

If it is to go wrong, much easier to get out if you are not living together and he is making payments which could equal a claim on your house which also is your dd's seciruty.

I do not see a reason why he can't move in, even just taking 3/4 months with just you and dd until he does. As long as your house is protected and you are happy with it.

I do agree with some of the other posters that it seems inappropriate for your DP to be getting up with her during the night. He hasn't been in her life that long and our children normally need the most comfort at nighttime when they wake. Maybe you could just do that yourself for a while until she adjusts to him more?

it's been pretty unanimous that getting up at night for dd is something questionable, and not advisable, as dd is more likely to get attached, and if things go wrong this won't be fair on her, otherwise agree with Wowser that you can try and see as so far it's going so well, your parents and family are behind you and he knows that.

and by 'things going wrong' I equally mean that you might go off him OP, not just anything from his end.

tonne agree with what you said ^, there is lots of discussion about whether he could be a wrong 'un, but the possibility that they live together, it doesn't work out, OP wants to move on is also a good reason for keeping him just a little more distant from OP's daughter.

Or quite a lot more distant imo, I didn't get up to my dss in the night til long after me and DH were married