Is this all too fast?

[IrrationalFear]

First and foremost I'm insanely happy with the way things are but the odd friend is making comments which is upsetting me. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've recently bought a house (my own name on the deeds) and he is moving in with dd (2.3) and I in october phallus going to pay half the mortgage. We have regular family days out with both sides of the family and we've talked about marriage in a year or two. Looking back it feels like we've been together forever not just since January. Sounds corny but we adore each other and are so excited about our future. Why are my friends being so negative?

I hate to bring this up, and of course may be way off the mark but I think it needs said. You are allowing a man you've known months to get up in the night with your dd, alone. How soon after you met him was this the norm? And he pays her nursery fees? That strikes me as odd. Why doesn't her own father do that, or you? I know you're in love and don't want to hear this but do you know, totally 100% that this guy is not with you to get to your dd? I'm sure it's massively unlikely but it's just that he is involved with her so fast, it seems odd.

Does he have to move in? I'd say it's too fast. And I think your friends might be worth listening to.

I find the contribution to the nursery fees quite odd tbh. Not something that a lot of people would offer to contribute towards after only 7 months and not something I would accept either. But each to their own.

However, more importantly, if friends of mine, who know a whole lot more about the situation and relationship than we do, voiced concerns I think I'd stop and listen to them.

If you have to ask a bunch of strangers on an anonymous forum then clearly the friends have struck a chord, even though the OP won't admit it.

But it's loves young dream perfumed.....but yes that is odd.

House your tone is indeed bitter. I couldn't give a fig about your marital or financial status; but your posts are sneering and sarcastic.

"The WORST case scenarion is that she wants to split and he wouldn't move out but that can be resolved through court fairly easily and is extrenely unlikely that he would want the unpleasantness".

Hmm. Other threads on these pages that have shown the above scenario. In such cases the man more often than not refuses to move out in the event of a split (as its another power and control stick to beat the woman with) with the woman stuck and or not knowing what to do. Resolution of such matters does not come at all easily or quickly and often at huge emotional cost not just to her but to any children caught in such a crossfire as well.

"DuellingFanjo - He could have a legal claim on her property if they were to split, or if OP were to die, he can prove he has been paying towards the mortgage and upkeep. Two solicitors (confirmed by the solicitors on the Legal area of MN) told me that when I posted about my partner moving into my house. I wanted to ensure that if anything happened to me my son would inherit my property and not aquire a sitting tenant or someone who would have any right over my home"

rally, if they were to split? Not if his name is not on the mortgage surely?
I lived with an ex and we were both on the mortgage so I had an agreement drawn up to protect the large deposit I paid (Which later turned out to be a good thing!) but the OP and he are not married and he doesn't have his name on the mortgage/deeds so surely can't make a claim?

likeatonofbricks - yes I agree. If he's paying it to OP then it's harder to prove. Probably best not to have a joint account to pay bills out of OP!

Glad you are going to get legal advice; I hope it all works out for you and your partner.

And... several posts on this thread seem to suggest that there's no point really ever persuing a relationship with anyone just in case you split up! Surely you have to trust your own decisions some time. The OP is in a strong and healthy position compared to some.

what projection, HOuse? I'm not the bitter one, i think the situation is vrey positive, and in fact quite rare for a man to offer to contribute unofficially without being married.

I'm sorry guitar but no I haven't. By offering practical advice and practical answers to the op in hand.....I've been subjected to sneering and personal attacks from people like yourself.

I've called them on it. We can't all be gushy xxxx go for it sweetie xxxx instincts when they can spot the problems a mile off, the friends can obviously see.

Possible paedophile now!
WOW!

All the posters saying go for it, it worked for us didn't have dc at the time and this just makes the world of difference to me.
No way in the world would I be moving someone into my dd's home that I'd only known for 7 months and be letting him get up with her in the night.
Never in a million years

DuellingFanjo - apparently. It was a thread in Legal that I read that made me aware. The situation was that the father had moved his new partner into his home (he was a widow I think) and she paid rent to him for her share of bills. I think the mortgage had been paid off. Anyway, father died and left the property to his children. The partner claimed against the property and was awarded a share based on residency and contribution. Pretty shocking.

My partner and I now have a place together and we signed a deed of trust - which I think is what you and your ex had - which is lodged with land registry. We've got a joint mortgage though.

This thread was pointless anyway. Op never did want her 2 questions answered did she.

But if people want to keep accusing me of being bitter, somehow against happiness. Then yes you've got it all wrong. Being married and two totally solvent people, kinda blows that one out of the ater. Dontcha think?

Sorry, I've been saying go for it, I went for it and I had a young DD at the time.

Oh I'd move in with him - sounds like you're both sorted financially and you're going to take legal advice which is good.

But wow - how do you buy nearly outright a house in London aged 25 - are you Chloe from TOWIE

also the negative posters seem to ignore the fact that OP's family have no issues with the r-ship! they know OP better them some of hte friends, and it'shten who spend more time with the man.

'The OP is in a strong and healthy position compared to some' - yes - like her small child, who may be the most badly affected if this all goes tits up?

OP, does your childs dad have any input in her life? How does he feel about the situation ?

No the negative posters. Have a reality check. They answered the question sensibly. With out all the romantic instinct bullshit.

The picture painted by the op to defend her man was entirely different to the one in the op. When she got answers she did not like.

No pickles me and you have had different view points. I see only one person, personally attacking and dragging issues from thread to thread pickle.

True Simone. And also all the posters saying "go for it, it worked out for us" haven't suggested that their friends had raised concerns. That's the big difference.

Fwiw if the OP had been with this guy for 2 years and came on here saying her friends had issues with the whole thing I would still advise her to be cautious.

For me, It's the fact that people (her friends) who are in possession of far more info than we are, think something isn't right. That's what makes me think something isn't right.

House, then why ARE you bitter, if your own life is fine? you haven't taken into account ANY positive points that OP and others made. especially the fact that he contributes to her account directly, and htat her family likes him.

I'm not bitter. You are the one projecting that. I'm being practical. Not all gushy.

Practical. My advice still stands. It's way too soon, she has too much to lose.