Can't sleep for crying....what shall I do?

[Kellstar83]

Hi there ladies advice needed if poss pls....

I'm 8 months pregnant n being made to feel so worthless by my partner that I cry myself to sleep most nights
He is not baby's dad ( we split up for a year and I fell pregnant during this time but has always said he wants to bring up baby etc as the dad isn't interested)

I do everything to support him ( he has a job but I pay for everything despite having 2 other kids to support) it wouldn't be so bad if he appreciated it but when he comes over n doesn't help with anything, acts like he's king of the castle in my home and is nasty to me over everything and anything :(
For example.... He says my friends/ family think horrible things about me ( that they agree with him basically) but only he's got the guts to tell me what I'm like :(
He tells me I'm a bad mum everytime one of the kids do anything even minor wrong
Threatens to leave me nearly every day
Calls me pathetic or mentally unstable if I cry
Says my kids would be better off with thier alcoholic violent father and if we split up he would try to get them taken off me by making up lies about me to support my ex
Frightens me and then when I ask him to leave he says if I want him to go call 999

I know everyone's probably reading this and thinking what the hell are u doing with him, I realise I'm a fool but I do love him and my kids adore him - they've already had thier dad walk out on them so I'm desperately trying to hold this together for thier sake

He always says he loves me but how could someone be so intentionally cruel if they did?? I feel so worthless and dreading him acting like this once my baby girl is here in 5 weeks but I'm too weak and worried about my kids being upset to tell him to go :(

Any advice appreciated or just a chat, someone friendly to talk to would make a change as he hates me talking to my friends but doesn't know I've found Mn x

just get rid of him, please. You will be so much stronger without his cruelty dragging you down.

Sweetheart you and your children deserve so much better than this, you are worth a hundred of him and you do not need him and neither do your little ones. While you are So unhappy your children can never be happy this is truly a leave the bastard situation you deserve so much more than this, it is emotional abuse and is not acceptable big big hugs my love

Oh and the kids adoring him is a red herring - kids are very perceptive and they learn to appear to adore a cruel abuser like him, because they don't want to inflame the situation. This is a recognised thing time and time again with abusive households.

God he sounds totally awful. What are you doing with this horrible freakman?

Don't hold it together for your kids, it's not them he has this dreadful relationship with it's YOU. You are worth so much more.

You don't 'love' him, you've been conditioned (by him and probably by other people and experiences in your life) to accept abuse as no more than you deserve because it's better than being single. It isn't. Being single is much much better than having an abusive partner.

Does he live with you? You mention him 'coming over' which implies that he doesn't, and that he is not the father of any of your DC. You can simply tell him he's dumped and to go fuck himself and you need never see him again. Tell the DC he was not nice enough to you to be allowed to stay in your lives. If he makes a nuisance of himself, you can involve the police and he can be legally forced to leave you and DC alone.

Thank u all for your kindness, I really can't stop crying and worrying about the effect all this is having on my unborn daughter although when I say that to him he says I'm being melodramatic :(
I don't get it I'm so confused??? I'm so kind to him, buy him everything and never dare say anything against him yet he's so cruel :(
The other day he told me to go have a lie down as I'd been up all night the previous night crying, I said no its ok but he insisted and I lay down thinking he might actually be being nice.... I woke later after 3 hours and had to hear the rest of the night how selfish and lazy I am but he told me to lie down???? I don't understand and can't do anything right even if it's what he's told me to do himself :(

He doesn't live here but stays/ comes over a lot I guess coz here I pay for everything in the hope of an easy life :(
My kids think he's the father of the baby- I've never told them this but he has and I was made to just sort of go along with it rather than saying the baby's dad doesn't want her, it's so confusing for the kids feel like they will think Im stopping thier sister seeing her dad now :(
Does this ever end? My ex husband was really nasty - not so bitchy more aggressive but I think this hurts even more n although he's never been actually violent he does make threats about his family knowing where I live etc :( x

Lovely lovely lady he is a manipulative abuser and none of this is your fault it really really isn't, please please take control and end it you are getting nothing from this relationship and believe me its only going to get worse, you are a strong woman and you do not need him you really don't trust me you and your children will be so much better alone

Because he's a sick twisted individual who takes delight in making you feel worthless,shit & confused because it makes him feel like a big man when in reality he's a sponging dickhead.

I really hope you'll make use of the great advice you'll receive here. There are lots of threads in relationships that will help you regain your strength & courage to protect yourself & your children from him & his poisonous behaviour towards towards you. Think about the way your children are hearing him talk to you. It's not right & I'm sure you don't want your children to grow up thinking that that's an acceptable.way to speak to people. Especially their mother or future partners.

Best of luck coming to your decision. You do not deserve to live as you are. Please don't put up.with it.

Kellstaar he is a git. please get this horrible git out of your life.

Listen to SolidGoldBrass above, she gets it. Nothing wrong with being single. In fact, the single mother badge is one to be proud of. You don't need a cruel shit of a man, or any man to be happy.

'Says my kids would be better off with thier alcoholic violent father and if we split up he would try to get them taken off me by making up lies about me to support my ex '

You need to end it now before it does become a violent situation kids are very resilient and also perceptive they will have seen what's going on

Ok... him not living there is a massive bonus - get your locks changed and lock him out the soonest chance you get.

Also contact womens aid, and they will help you get an injunction against him to keep him away from you and your property.

I think it sounds like you need to do this, from the threats he has made - which i suspect are empty threats, but better to protect yourself anyway

Also, get yourself a new phone, and only tell people you trust the number.

Then get rid of the phone with the number he knows, destroy the sim and never speak to him again.

He is nothing but a dreadful weight around your neck, he contributes nothing and is horribly cruel. You will be so much better off without him. It might feel scary and awful at first but you and your kids will be safe from all his emotional harm.

You can also contact social services yourself and inform them that you have just ended a relationship with a man who has made threats to badmouth you in an attempt to get you in trouble with them, then they will know not to take him seriously, and it will be on record that it is malicious

All his threats can be pre-empted and dealt with - you can do this.

Next time he tells you to call 999 when you want him to leave, do it. See who's frightened then... and it won't be you.

Seriously, get this twunt out of your life now because he is going to make your life, and that of the forthcoming dc you had the temerity to conceive while you weren't with him, a living hell.

Posts like yours scare me. I'm not unduly scared for you - you're a fully grown woman who, for whatever reason, has chosen to hitch her star to lowlifes and no-hopers - but when it comes to your dc I'm terrified that, thanks to your choices, they don't stand a chance.

If that sounds harsh, so be it if it gives you the wake up call you need to give your dc the opportunity to become all that they can be. And if you continue to entertain this particular lowlife there's a good chance they'll grow to become domineering bullies like him or to feel just as worthless as you do.

Man up, honey. Your dc need you to give them the carefree childhood they deserve.

The light is there at the end of the tunnel you and the children in a happy rejaxed home pleasing yourselves with a happy capable mother who is not being controlled or is not unhappy your future is out there waiting for you You just have to want it, love can be got over your kids won't care who the father of your baby is but they will care that their mother is unhappy honestly you Can do this and you will be so glad you did he is not worth it and you really are, you deserve a happy life and so do your children

He's manipulating you to get a free ride: he is the worst kind of scummy cocklodger. Please please get rid of him, some great advice upthread. Good luck with the birth and you are doing right thing by realising it is him, not you, who is at fault here.

Get the bastard out.....u don't need this after all you have been through honey, not when you are feeling so vulnerable. Your kids are better off without his damaging presence long term. Good luck with the baby

((((hugs)))

The fact that people I don't even know are so kind makes me all emotional lol, I really appreciate the kind words and desperately needed a friend to talk to about all this, I do have friends but they saw what I went thru with my ex n seem to think I thrive on the drama or something, I feel I'm boring them or would look stupid by it happening all over again n hate the comments like my life is like eastenders etc when all I want is a quiet life
If I wasn't pregnant I think I'd find it a lot easier to tell him to go but im terrified at the thought of giving birth etc alone ( daft in the grand scheme of things I know but I have no family near here and don't get on with my mum)
Wish I was as strong as all u ladies seem to be, u all have my respect and admiration x

He doesn't love you. He is cruel to you because he is abusive and a cruel person. You sound like a lovely person, and you don't need him in your life. When you say you love him, what do you love exactly? If he is nice sometimes, that doesn't wipe out his nastiness and cruelty, he is the SAME person.

Your kids would adore him no matter how abusive he is, it doesn't mean that you are doing the wrong thing by leaving. I know it seems hard, but he will only ever get worse, and the only thing you can do to stop that is to get away from him. You can't change him and you will destroy yours and your kids lives if you try.

Cut your losses now, the longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.

How would you feel if your kids were in a relationship like this? Because that WILL happen if they grow up thinking this is normal.

You can only be helping if you get this man (and I use the term lightly) out of their lives.

I know it is scary and painful but the thing about the vast, vast, majority of women is that they are survivors. Through history we have had to be. It is in the genetic make up x

Do you really think having him there will be a positive thing while giving birth. You will need someone who makes you feel worthless like you need a hole in the head.

Just think how much harder he will make having a tiny newborn. Being with him will not make that time easier and he could well ruin what is an incredibly special time with your new baby. I also think he will escalate his abuse when you are vulnerable. Please get help, ring Women's Aid. They will help you to get away from him and give you the support that you need. Also tell your Health Visitor or Midwife what is going on. Reach out and start getting a support network around you before you have your baby.

You don't' have to live like this. You and your babies can, and will, be so much happier without this man sucking all the joy out of your lives.

Oh but you are strong you really are, just by still functioning every day after what you have been thru, I know you are scared, I went thru the birth of my second without family support. I am sure your friends would be more than happy to help you, You have more strength than you know and often the thought or fear of something is worse than the reality I live in the south of England so please Pm me if I can be of any help please don't hesitate

You won't give birth alone: in any decent hospital if you haven't got a birth partner the midwives will look after you more than if you had someone with you.

You can do this, okay? You have already created two amazing human beings and you can do it again. You don't need him to do that.