Can't sleep for crying....what shall I do?

[Kellstar83]

Hi there ladies advice needed if poss pls....

I'm 8 months pregnant n being made to feel so worthless by my partner that I cry myself to sleep most nights
He is not baby's dad ( we split up for a year and I fell pregnant during this time but has always said he wants to bring up baby etc as the dad isn't interested)

I do everything to support him ( he has a job but I pay for everything despite having 2 other kids to support) it wouldn't be so bad if he appreciated it but when he comes over n doesn't help with anything, acts like he's king of the castle in my home and is nasty to me over everything and anything :(
For example.... He says my friends/ family think horrible things about me ( that they agree with him basically) but only he's got the guts to tell me what I'm like :(
He tells me I'm a bad mum everytime one of the kids do anything even minor wrong
Threatens to leave me nearly every day
Calls me pathetic or mentally unstable if I cry
Says my kids would be better off with thier alcoholic violent father and if we split up he would try to get them taken off me by making up lies about me to support my ex
Frightens me and then when I ask him to leave he says if I want him to go call 999

I know everyone's probably reading this and thinking what the hell are u doing with him, I realise I'm a fool but I do love him and my kids adore him - they've already had thier dad walk out on them so I'm desperately trying to hold this together for thier sake

He always says he loves me but how could someone be so intentionally cruel if they did?? I feel so worthless and dreading him acting like this once my baby girl is here in 5 weeks but I'm too weak and worried about my kids being upset to tell him to go :(

Any advice appreciated or just a chat, someone friendly to talk to would make a change as he hates me talking to my friends but doesn't know I've found Mn x

I have no idea of his ex wifes number or where she lives i was just wondering out loud If he's always been like this I guess x

It is not your fault surely by now you have learnt that it doesn't matter how you act or behave there is nothing you can do to appease this man

I have nothing else to add, the others are right, change locks (back and front) even if you haven't given him a key, he may have copied it.

Contact womens aid for advice if you need it.

Pack to go away.

If your worried your family wont believe you, you mentioned nice/horrible texts, can you show them these?

Tell him it's over, change your number and try to enjoy your brothers wedding. 10days will be a great break for you and your DC.

When you get back, if he's texting, phoning or calling round, contact the police for advise.

You wont be on your own for labour, you'll be surrounded by midwives and I'm sure they'll be more helpful than this dick anyway!

If you choose to do nothing then it's your decision but I feel it will only get worse, I foresee "this baby isn't even mine, you should be thankful I'm here" etc etc bullshit, take care OP x

psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/category/psychopathy-awareness/ have a read of some of the articles on this blog. IMO your partner fits the profile. I should know I made the same mistake twice too. Stop trying to make sense of it. He's a bastard and he enjoys breaking you down so just tell him to fuck off before someone gets hurt

kirsty240287 I get that already! How wonderful he is for taking on another mans kid etc etc and if I'm feeling down Its baby's dad fault as he got me pregnant not my bf etc etc

You are doing your kids no favours at all to cling on to this abusive cocklodger

Don't use them as an excuse to keep the status quo, the best reason to kick this tool into touch is so they don't absorb the very damaging lessons you are both giving them

Call his bluff. Go to the wedding without him. Watch his shock and last minute change-of-heart when he realises he has gone too far

But if all you want is to teach him a lesson this time it will all be for nothing

Because you need to make it quite clear that when you come back from the family visit, this "relationship" is well and truly dead in the water (no more chances)

God Kellstar I REALLY REALLY hope you listen to everyone on here.

I understand and agree that your boundaries have been messed with after your abusive relationship with exh. So I am not judging you.

I am simply stating this as fact: if you stay with this destructive, damaging and cruel man your children WILL be fucked up - they will be insecure, afraid, unable to form healthy relationships. They will carry that damage throughout their lives - they will go on to choose abusive partners or become abusive partners. For the love of God think about that.

You have every opportunity to get rid of him - baby is not his, older dc not his, house is not his, he doesn't live with you, you are not reliant on him for money or anything else.

Fuck what anyone else thinks about you splitting up with him

Fuck him coming to your brother's wedding

Fuck his feelings

Fuck everything except getting him away from your children and your totally innocent, precious, perfect newborn baby who will otherwise be brought into a world of shit. Your choice.

Hi Kellstar,

I think the some of the ladies are being a little bit harsh to be honest, you are being slightly bombarded with some excellent advise, but when your in the middle of the storm it's hard to see the wood for the trees.

You are also 8mths pregnant and it cant be easy at all, it's easy to advise when your on the outside looking in to be honest, I have been there and god only knows why I stayed so long, but eventually I did have enough and acted, as you probably will once you get to your limit.

I do wonder if you would get some support from your family, after all youve been invited to the wedding, I wonder about saving the texts he has sent, and showing some of the men folk down there, particularly if he is there with you.
his behaviour is leaning towards convincing you that actually you are the mad one the abuser to him and his feelings, he twists and turns everything back to you, I bet you can hardly breath without wondering if your doing it right.

The kids will appear to like him to keep on his good side, but in the long run the will probably be affected by his behaviour, and they and the baby are picking up your stress.

He has you in a position of believing everyone thinks you are useless and tal behind your back, he is effectivly cutting your contact to the outside world off, once the baby is here it will get worse, he might demand you put his name on the birth certificate therefore giving him parental rights.

Please tell your family, that is the first step, he can deny all he wants then, then lock your doors and tell the hv and the midwives he isnt to be at the hospital, you have a little amount of time to get things organised, but if you ask for help it will come lovey.

all the best

for the Love of God, don't put his name on the BC

FFS no-one is being 'harsh' - we are desperately trying to get through to OP about what staying with this man will mean for her children and her new baby!!

Your post Proud is a case in point, I think the op realises that she is in trouble or she wouldnt have posted on here in the first place, she needs calm support not badgering and feeling persecuted for her choices. Starting a post with ffs is harsh, and I do understand that posters on here are feeling desperate to get through to her, but if she starts feeling attacked and leaves, then it will have been a futile excercise on everyones behalf.

This forum right now might be her only means of support, I think we need to tone it down a bit.

I'd love to speak to my bf's ex wife n see if this is why they broke up... He says she had an affair, I'm not too sure, I hope he wasn't like this with her as the were together for 10 years just interested if he's always been like it or whether theres something about me/ that I do in particular to make him act so cruel....... X

I wouldn't believe anything he says. And it most definitely isn't anything you have done. Can you imagine ever treating another person like this? No because you are a nice person, so the issue is with him not you because he IS capable of it.

Agreed guiltypleasure001 but if I am like anyone else on here, I feel that the OP is open to suggestions. It might sound harsh because it is a very nasty position, she is very vulnerable and everyone is urging her to do the safest thing. I hear alot of worry in many of the responses and feelings from the past being arisen. Most of the people here have had one of these arsees in their lives and the most significant factor fueling my anger to ex abusiveness is the amount of time I wasted on a life leeching fucker and emotion that I could have better spent on myself and my daughter. it is anxiety not harshness. Lets get that clear. Everyone who has gone through the door knows the strenght needed but once through don't know why you didn't do it sooner.

I meant to finish that with love and best wishes to OP and would love to be able to pack a crisis box full of kick ass and mean uppitiness to spread around in the direction of this unspeakable waste of flesh

Lola I always thought it would be nice to put together a mean fuckers crisis team, that would be like the SAS that you could secretly phone and despatch them in the direction of said fuckwit..

But sadly that would be illegal, I am now worried that the op might have gone too.

The FFS was aimed at you, not the OP.

And I stand by my post 100%.

In this instance, the OP is not tied to this man in any meaningful way - unlike many other posters with an abusive partners. So she needs to be urged as strongly as possible to recognise that and act fast.

I am the child of a damaging step parents and bear the scars so I speak from the heart and with the very best intentions.

I wanted to create a stealth team that would enter the persons home. Restrain them and then tickle their feet with feathers till they wet themselves. Upon leaving I would have special card. Bit like the man in the ads "all because the lady loves miktray" or something more menacing.
Did you watch Wallander at the weekend. Very similar vein. But in Swedish

Proud I didnt say you didnt have the best of intentions, I did state that there was some excellent advice, but I saw from her posts that the op was getting overwhelmed and thought she was being accused of liking the drama, she hasnt been back.

As for your ffs towards me that speaks for itself, but you are not the only poster on here to have suffered in any way, it does not give you permission to swear at anyone particularly me.

Lola not watched the the swedish ones yet, dont give me any spoilers lol

It was a very interesting take on revenge. Put it that way.

Lola believe me I have had some very interesting takes on revenge, none legal and some I think might well have been thought of before by some of the ladies on this forum.

Stringing men up by their genitalia is always a popular one isn't it? lol

Surely the best revenge is success. OP if you are still reading, as the Spanish always say, revenge is a dish best served cold. Get out, have your life on your terms and watch him puke with anger. And not a thing he can do about it. He is not the police, he is simply a powerless person who believes having a cock somehow makes him important and someone to be scared of.

With rusty hooks Kirsty lol

lol guilty