Can't sleep for crying....what shall I do?

[Kellstar83]

Hi there ladies advice needed if poss pls....

I'm 8 months pregnant n being made to feel so worthless by my partner that I cry myself to sleep most nights
He is not baby's dad ( we split up for a year and I fell pregnant during this time but has always said he wants to bring up baby etc as the dad isn't interested)

I do everything to support him ( he has a job but I pay for everything despite having 2 other kids to support) it wouldn't be so bad if he appreciated it but when he comes over n doesn't help with anything, acts like he's king of the castle in my home and is nasty to me over everything and anything :(
For example.... He says my friends/ family think horrible things about me ( that they agree with him basically) but only he's got the guts to tell me what I'm like :(
He tells me I'm a bad mum everytime one of the kids do anything even minor wrong
Threatens to leave me nearly every day
Calls me pathetic or mentally unstable if I cry
Says my kids would be better off with thier alcoholic violent father and if we split up he would try to get them taken off me by making up lies about me to support my ex
Frightens me and then when I ask him to leave he says if I want him to go call 999

I know everyone's probably reading this and thinking what the hell are u doing with him, I realise I'm a fool but I do love him and my kids adore him - they've already had thier dad walk out on them so I'm desperately trying to hold this together for thier sake

He always says he loves me but how could someone be so intentionally cruel if they did?? I feel so worthless and dreading him acting like this once my baby girl is here in 5 weeks but I'm too weak and worried about my kids being upset to tell him to go :(

Any advice appreciated or just a chat, someone friendly to talk to would make a change as he hates me talking to my friends but doesn't know I've found Mn x

Absolutely what the other posters have said - you won't be alone & frankly even if you were (you won't be) you would be better off than if he were there degrading you & being a bastard of the highest order.

Listen to the wise ladies & get rid of him. You are in such a strong position to be able to do this easily as he doesn't live with you. And think about how much extra money you'll have when you're not spending on him.

Tell your midwife. Mine regularly checked that my home situation was good when I was pregnant. I think there's a frightening statistic on domestic violence/abuse starting during pregnancy.

From the sound of it there is no way this "man" is adult enough to care for your new baby as his own,or to be a support either during or after labour & delivery.

We r supposed to all be going away to my dads on wed for 10 days for my brotgers wedding, the kids have been excited about it for ages n keep talking to him about all the fun stuff they are going to do with him down there, meanwhile in the background he keeps telling me he doesn't know whether he will or not as there's no point when Im being like this? So now I'm desperately trying not to step out of line so he doesn't drop out and disappoint the kids, hoping it will work at least for 10 days!
He'll be great down my dads he turns into model boyfriend and no one would ever believe what he's really like when we are alone x

Seriously love huge huge red flags you need to get shot, seriously before its too late. Your children will be ok if this carries on however you may not

So you'll go to your dads for 10 days, everyone will think he's fucking wonderful and then he'll return to being an utter bastard when you get back? Can't you and your dc go to your dads without him? They'll have forgotten him after 10 days.

You've arranged to take your dc to your dad's on Wednesday for 10 days during which you'll celebrate your db's wedding.

So why are you taking the twunt with you? Are you not capable of travelling on your own?

Please understand that you owe this man NOTHING as in N.O.T.H.I.N.G and it seems to me you've got a heaven-sent opportunity to ditch him and enjoy a break with your family pre the birth of your dc3.

As he's not the one that's going to be expelling a baby out of his womb, you'll be gving birth alone anyway so why not choose to have one of the numerous m/netters that will be happy to volunteer to be your birth partner by your side rather than a twunt who doesn't know the first thing about parenting or how to treat a woman - regardless of whether she's in or out of labour?

Yeah I guess we could go alone but he's supposed to be at the wedding and I feel embarrassed telling everyone that we've split up etc ( stupid I know!!) but they would never believe the reason why,
I reckon he has every intention of coming with us n just likes the power/ control it gives him with me worrying he'll let us down ( I said this to him earlier - dunno if that was a good idea or not? but I was so upset n at breaking point)
We had planned to go get all the baby's stuff today which I've been looking forward to for ages - he upset me last night n coz I was quiet this morning he said I could go alone as he couldn't be bothered with the atmosphere, it really upset me but I did go alone, he text to say he had gone home n was turning his phone off so he didn't have to listen to me whinge but when I came out of mothercarehe was standing there! What the hell is that all about???? He proceeded to walk around the retail park with me just making sarcastic comments and ruining a day he knew id been looking forward to so in the end I would have rather gone alone anyway :(

If he goes to the wedding with you he is going to ruin that too. If you tell people why you've split I bet they will believe you. We believe you, why wouldn't they? If you take him, he is going to make it a miserable time behind the scenes. He's just ruined a very special day for you, he couldn't even just leave you alone, don't let him ruin anything else.

You'd feel 'embarrassed' to tell people you've split up with a twunt?

Jeez, you should be proclaiming it from the rooftops!!! 'Hallelujah! I've got rid of a lowlife piece of gobshite who's no good to man and beast, and even less good to woman'.

What are you doing to yourself?

Ok, don't answer that. You're determined to prostate yourself on his altar, but why make your dc worship the same worthless god?

Honestly love you need to get rid, you know this, it is scary but you know that it is the right thing to do, you don't have to tell anybody at the wedding anything, you know what you need to do and you Can do it, he is making your life a misery he is ABUSING you! For gods sake

Agree. Do you want your DC to think he is a good man? He's not. He's a twunt.

You have a perfect opportunity to break ties and explain to family why you've split. Then you can have your beautiful baby and not be tied to him anymore.

Agree with ginger though, you don't have to tell anyone anything, if that suits better.

Your right, just meant from the way he acts infront of other people I think they'd find it very hard to believe he is how he really is and my family all really like him and think he's brilliant with the kids, he's been texting all the time I've been on here n I haven't replied once so I guess that's progress? His texts go from nice nasty nice nasty etc literally changing every text it's like they r written by 2 people! X

Jekyl and Hyde a very very common pattern in abuse/Dv cases, seriously love you need to get real and get rid you and your children don't need this shit, why are you putting up with it surely life without him can't be much worse than this

You know how he really is. You can tell them what you've told us, or you don't have to tell them anything at all. You can just say you split up. Ride it out. Keep ignoring his texts, the fact he's changing from txt to txt shows he's faltering on how to 'play' it. Stay strong.x

Just my opinion, but there is no way that this waste of space can be described as a 'partner'.

Not just your opinion tb, I agree with that.

Jekyll and Hyde! Know him well! You are very vuln as 8 months gone and he is playing on every bit if it! I know you don't feel strong now but when you have had some sleep food etc get someone round with you to tell him to leave! You don't need this stress...your pregnancy should be a lovely time and starting to nest and window shopping for nice baby clothes etc not putting up with this pathetic excuse for a 'man' that only picks on vuln pregnant women!
You can do this...but better after some sleep and some one to hold your hand. You'll only need luck if you stay with this bully!

Read the OP, sea, Kellstar was with him before she became pregnant by another man and it can't be said that he singled her out because she was pg.

Also this is Kellstar's 3rd pg which, while still containing all the elements of wonderment and awe of a 1st pg, is one to get on with based on prior experience.

Listen to what your friends are saying. You've gone from one bad soap opera to another. If they're saying your life is like something out of Eastenders, they're thinking you shoud be on Jeremy Kyle. What does that tell you about you?

Are you an adrenaline junkie? Do you enjoy the high of the melodrama? Do you feel that life is dull and boring if you're not raking in other people's sympathy at how shit your life is/what a saint you are to put up with 'him' and all of the attention that gives you reason to carry on doing what you're doing?

All of the above are symptoms of low self-esteem coupled with a need to 'be someone'; a need to validate yourself by surrounding yourself with the constant drama that comes from choosing the wrong men to couple with.

It seems to me that your friends have lost patience with you; they've had enough of trying to fix your problems and they've realised that the problem is you because you're not willing to accept that changing your ways will solve your problems... because you fear that changing your ways will give you the quiet and boring life that you claim to want so desparately.

You'll learn eventually, but my concern is that you won't learn fast enough to save your dc from needless suffering.

My other concern is that this board could be your salvation but you'll abuse the kindness of strangers rather than accept that you are the only one who can bring about any change in your life.

I agree with all the others. He sounds horrendous and you ate worth so much more. Please go to the wedding on your own. He'll only ruin it for you and use it as another weapon.

'are'

This man is going to wear you down until you are ill. Then you are going to be no good to your children.

If you really care about your kids you need to split up with him now. Not put it off or procrastinate for reasons which are really excuses because you want to stay with him.

The fact that you are asking on here means that you know this relationship is completely twisted. It's time to get out and create a secure and stable environment for your little girl to be born in to.

It is also best you deal with this now so that your kids don't have too much upheaval when they should be enjoying meeting their new sibling.

I don't really have anything new to add but just wanted to say that u r getting some great advice from the ladies on here.

1 thing I notice about posts like this tho is that however much great advice the OP's get - they never actually intend to do anything. Not being horrible, I understand it is not usually as simple as leave him - but u really, really should!

U have a perfect opportunity here to break up with him & then get away for 10 days. The 1st few days after a break up r the hardest & this will be the best time to do it! Get organised. Tell ss about the threats of lying about your dc, change the locks, contact 1 of the women's charities posted above for some proper advice. Then & I suggest this is done either in a public place or at your house whilst a friend is there watching dc - you end it.

He will be angry bcoz he is a nasty, controlling, twat faced little cunt. You deserve better - your children deserve better. Take control, take back your life & teach him a lesson in how to respect people. I can absolutely guarantee that you will not be the 1 worse off 6 months down the line. Stay strong. x

That's where your wrong I'm afraid izzyizin, I hate the drama of it and there's no andrenalin only worry
I didn't come on here for sympathy I find the whole situation embarrassing tbh so I'd hardly broadcast it as an attention seeking thing I just wanted advice of why he acts like that as its incomprehensible to me
I'm sorry u think I would abuse the kindness people have shown me n no idea what I've said to give u that impression :(

I think you already know that this is not a healthy relationship. You say you love him but he's making you miserable. Trust me you're kids and you will be better off without him. He sounds like my dad and the best thing my mum ever did for us was make him leave. You're kids will one day be grown up, how will you feel if they find out you lived a miserable life with a man you were scared off so they didn't have to be from a broken home. You deserve better than that and so do your kids. I hope you find the strength to leave.