Can't sleep for crying....what shall I do?

[Kellstar83]

Hi there ladies advice needed if poss pls....

I'm 8 months pregnant n being made to feel so worthless by my partner that I cry myself to sleep most nights
He is not baby's dad ( we split up for a year and I fell pregnant during this time but has always said he wants to bring up baby etc as the dad isn't interested)

I do everything to support him ( he has a job but I pay for everything despite having 2 other kids to support) it wouldn't be so bad if he appreciated it but when he comes over n doesn't help with anything, acts like he's king of the castle in my home and is nasty to me over everything and anything :(
For example.... He says my friends/ family think horrible things about me ( that they agree with him basically) but only he's got the guts to tell me what I'm like :(
He tells me I'm a bad mum everytime one of the kids do anything even minor wrong
Threatens to leave me nearly every day
Calls me pathetic or mentally unstable if I cry
Says my kids would be better off with thier alcoholic violent father and if we split up he would try to get them taken off me by making up lies about me to support my ex
Frightens me and then when I ask him to leave he says if I want him to go call 999

I know everyone's probably reading this and thinking what the hell are u doing with him, I realise I'm a fool but I do love him and my kids adore him - they've already had thier dad walk out on them so I'm desperately trying to hold this together for thier sake

He always says he loves me but how could someone be so intentionally cruel if they did?? I feel so worthless and dreading him acting like this once my baby girl is here in 5 weeks but I'm too weak and worried about my kids being upset to tell him to go :(

Any advice appreciated or just a chat, someone friendly to talk to would make a change as he hates me talking to my friends but doesn't know I've found Mn x

Wont tell you what I have/could do with a cheese grater lol, right im off the ironing board beckons.

Op if your there be strong and the rest of you ladies see you on the flip side.x

Kirsty240287 Mon 20-Aug-12 11:57:41
Stringing men up by their genitalia is always a popular one isn't it? lol

Guiltypleasures001 Mon 20-Aug-12 12:01:03
With rusty hooks Kirsty lol

Wonders how people feel about women being suspended by their genitals on rusty hooks. Doesn't do much for me, but then I'm possibly not as advanced as some of the posters here... No lol.

I felt like you when I left my abusive ex OP, I was so scared about what 'people' would think of me as my ex could be very charming when he wanted to be.

It turns out that the people who mattered believed me and any that didn't were dumped from my life. I wish I had not cared or given a shit what anyone else thought.

You will too, sooner than you think.

onemorechap don't be too quick to judge. You do not know the reasons for their anger towards their ex's. Perhaps their souls were hung on a rusty hook for too long by an abusive man.

How about we talk about stringing up abusive people rather then just men. I've got an abusive sil who most definitely deserves it for what she's done and is still doing to my brother.

By the vulva? (Ouch!)

OP, what would you say to your daughter if she had an arse boyfriend like this?

Exactly. Do the same and get rid.

Before he starts on your children.

poopoo agree entirely. Abusive people of all flavours, restrained and tickled at length.

He's texting constantly ATM :( I'm not reading them, have clocked up 18 unopened so far - its hard not to get curious n look but I know they'll just be horrible I'll reply to defend myself n just get dragged in again! X

THat's the best way, kell

Simply ignore, and disengage

This will only work if you have told him clearly that your relationship is at an end though. Have you done this, or are you simply "playing him at his own game" for a while, then going to take him back for more of the same punishment?

You need to be clear in your own head what you are going to do, because more game playing doesn't actually put you in a stronger position, it puts you in a weaker one

I've lost track a bit. Are the horrible texts because of what happened shopping?

You don't need this op. It won't change, he won't change, only you can. In my opinion the best thing to change is the fact that he's in your life at all.

I know it can be extremely hard to make the break though. Been there done that. Don't even remotely regret it, well perhaps not doing it sooner!

Glad ur back kell, I agree with anyfucker tho, if you just keep ignoring him, he'll prob turn up at your house. If you haven't decided yet, you could text him and say I'm really busy or have a migraine, my phone's on silent/off, speak to u later?

Good woman. Arms length, don't engage. As Kirsty says, work out a diversionary tactic till you can get some mental distance between him and you. One step at a time.

Good for you OP! I would text him to tell him it's over, be hard and tell him to stop harassing you or you will contact the police.

Stay strong, stay away from him, have no contact, don't engage. You can do this!

Agree with others. Text him it is over (if it is?), so that he has a clear line/boundary. He has no reason to contact you after that, and if he does, it shows again that he has no respect for your decisions.

Do you have a friend nearby who could read those texts? I'm just worried in case he says he's coming over.

Hi ladies I'm back! Sat in the park in the sun, kids playing so a bit of peace for a while lol, still haven't read the countless unopened texts I have from him, no missed calls as yet! All your advice and support is so much appreciated n just being able to chat about it helps so much as he makes me feel sometimes like its actually me going mad as he never admits he's done anything wrong
Funny how when my ex tried to attack me at a party last year my bf went crazy and had to be restrained from beating him yet it's ok for him to treat me just as bad I think just without the actual violence , I guess he thinks coz he hasn't physically hurt me he's somehow in the higher moral ground??? X

I got stuck in the loop of breaking up with abusive guy, getting new normal boyfriend, then finding out new one was abusive too just in a slightly different way.

Took a while to break free of that but well worth it. Counselling should help. For me though it was just realising that I had to actually listen to what a guy was saying and how he was acting, rather then always giving the benefit of the doubt. I also needed to learn that I deserved better then that.

imperialblether I did text him this morning to say I was out all day even tho I won't be as he was banging kn about fuck going ur dads im coming to get my stuff n I don't want a scene infront of kids, he doesn't drive and takes him well over an hour by bus to get here so hopefully he won't bother making the effort if he thinks I won't be in anyway, I took his key back yesterday plus hid all the reciepts for the baby stuff I bought as he said he was going to take it back and get the money back for it even tho I paid for it!!! X

Huh! How could he possibly justify taking your baby stuff back to the shop and getting the money!? I don't understand.

He's not right is he!

He said that because he took us out for the day last sat n it cost him 70 quid, bearing in mind I pay for everything for him!
X

he is a loon, ignore him

So he took you out and paid for things and now wants his money back and so is going to steal your babys things?

He's completely and utterly loony!

he said he was going to take it back and get the money back for it even tho I paid for it!!! DICK

Either get a sensible friend to read and save the texts or contact the local police non-emergency number and have a chat with the DV team. If the texts are abusive and threatening, get this on record. Document everything he does after being dumped, it will make it easier to get court orders etc if necessary. However, I am fairly sure that he will already be known to the police as a DV perpetrator and may have a record of petty crime and minor assaults; people like this don't suddenly start being arseholes, they have grown into it over the years. This man thinks he's incredibly special, that the world owes him a living and. most of all, that because he is a Man with a Penis he is superior to women and can do what he likes to any woman he has decided he owns.

This might come as a shock to everyone given current circumstances but I work for the police ( although am signed off sick ATM with severe spd :( ) I know he hasn't got any previous as he's just had a once done to be a bouncer! When I reported my ex husband for attacking me he put in a counter allegation that it was actually me ( after punching himself in the face n splitting his own lip before ringing them!) as u can imagine this set off a whole process at work where I had to be investigated and eventually cleared but none the less still very stressful and bf knows I prob wouldn't call police on him due to the hassle it caused at work last time x