Husband and teens?

[blackraven12]

Hi this is my first post on here although I do browse through often.

Just wanted some advice/opinions please. Sorry may be a bit long.

Bit of backstory first, about two years ago I found out that husband had searched for 'teen bodies' on a torrent site along with some other stuff (not porn related). He hadn't actually downloaded anything it had just appeared in the search box. Now I know a lot of porn with teen in the title are actually 18+ but can look 16 etc so presumed it was that. I was still a little shocked and when I asked him about it he denied it and said it must be a virus. He later admitted it was him.

Last Christmas we were shopping and as we were getting served I noticed him staring at the girl working on the next checkout about 17/18. After we left the shop I turned to speak to him and he was looking through the shop window at the girl as we walked to the car. I've noticed him doing this in a couple of shops girls being 17/18 or a bit older. Now I know its normal for a man to admire a pretty girl but with it just made me feel uneasy. He's 44 by the way.

Now the main reason why I posted. The other day he got some boxes of stuff from his mates house (lived there about 4 yrs ago) that he's going to sell on ebay. I was sorting through them when I found a black book (there were other paperbacks in there) I flicked through it to see what it was and he'd used it as a diary for 2004, so 8 years ago. It was mainly empty pages with a few entries and I know I shouldn't have (I wish I hadn't!) but I had a look.

Part of one entry was"Found out that sexy young(I'll use the name Sarah) is in fact only nearly 14! Why couldn't she have been 17 I could've coped with that." He was 36 at the time.

Another one couple months later " went up to friends, Sarah was looking as dangerous as ever. She really does not look 14. Its criminal. I'm no pervert but she's one cute ,sexy *"

Am I overeacting feeling shocked that even though he new she was 14 he still thought she was sexy??

I haven't said anything to husband. Should I? Should I forget about it?

Thank you to anyone who bothered to read it all!

Lurking- what's a hebephile? Never heard that before.

No, as she was persuaded to not press charges. The whole family swept it under the carpet. As at first she was accused of lying. Then it was a case of "she let him buy her alcohol, she looked older, she had a skirt on".

The woman, warned this girl off the teenager. Like the woman in the my husband had an "affair" with a teenager thread. As if she were an ow....despite the fact the girl concerned was assaulted as she slept.

THEN she stays with him. 10 years later when they think it's all forgotten and the authorities won't do anything.....they go on to have a baby.......woman sees girl out one day...and tells her "I won him and had his kid". Just some women are so desperate for a bloke. They will put up with anything, even competing with teenagers.

True story that. I shit you not.

That's horrendous! He assaulted her while she slept!? Is it too late for the girl to report it at least so the police have it on record if nothing else? I would imagine it is. Poor girl! Is she ok now?

Yeah she did that, she's ok from what a gather. Despite it fucking her early years.

He was this letcherous type. Turns out he had a thing for "teens" 13-15 making inappropriate comments. Then one day. Literally couldn't help himself, he admitted that to her family .

This op just reminded me so much of that. All these questions, about his preferences. Then when it came to the crunch and people said actually, he sounds like a nonce. DENIAL.

When you say she did that, you mean she reported it? What did her family say about it? I doubt its the only time he's going to do it in his life!

She reported it and only told one relative and a handful of friends. So that's how I know.....I agree once you've got a preference for "teenager" bodies. You've got a preference for "teenager" bodies. It is like any sexual preference. You can only hope to control it. That's what the experts say top.

So the wife spends all her time keeping him away from young girls, much like op is going to do. I'd laugh if it wasn't so sick.

I can actually understand the way that happens, denial is a self defence mechanism and everyone has different boundaries some never admit it even when the man is knocking off their own teenage child.

Tom Daly is a teen and there are grown women joking about his teeny tiny pants in another part of the mumsnet forest. Just sayin'

He's 18? Not 13? So he's an adult....I don't get your point? Just sayin

I find it really ugghh when women in their thirties etc joke about lusting after Tom Daley - if the situation were reversed and it was a thirty something guy lusting after an 18 year old in a bikini it would be creepy as its just as creepy this way round

But as far as we know none of them are perving about him, going somewhere where they can regularly see him in person and still perving about him. And I doubt they would have done so when he was 13 either. That's a big difference.

I don't think 30-18 is great either. Lots don't. But that's not the issue here.

Nice diversion to try and take away the fact we are talking underage girls here. To try and get your twisted point in.

18 year old adult man. 13 year old child girl. 5 years huge difference.

Diversion?! Don't get me wrong, I have said that the op is burying her head in the sand about her husband and I couldn't be with someone like that. I mentioned Tom Daley because someone else mentioned it!

Erm bag do you see me perving on Tom daly? The answer is no because even though he is 18 he looks like a child to me. I feel repulsed by the idea of middle aged women perving on him. I think we have already seen that mumsnet has a good few people with strange sexual boundaries anyway just look at this thread.

What kind of point is that anyway? Some people on mumsnet perv on teenagers so that makes it ok to have sexual feelings about 13 year olds? weird

Despite the fact Tom Daley is legal, he looks too young to me at 31 BUT I can appreciate he has a fantastic body, just not y'know...attractive to me in that way - too young.

That said, 13/14 is a hell of a lot different to 18. What I don't get is why did he even write it down and what is this 'dangerous' shit? Less suburbia and more 'starring in my own tragic movie'.

PooPoo- A hebephile is the freak who is attracted to teenagers. Basically whenever someone pulls the 'he's not a paedophile, they only like underdeveloped kids!' You can say 'he likes 13,14,15 year olds? He's a hebephile.'

Didn't know it had a name!

They always do.

Actually it's depressing how many disgusting 'sexualities' are out there... Paedophilia, Hebephilia, Bestiality...Shudder

I hope OP see's the light. :(

*Sexualities that prey on the vulnerable out there

Just thought I'd come and have a look to see if this thread had disappeared, I wasn't going to post, but feel I have to (for myself).

Yes things have been added/presumed/ assumed/I bet he thought that/ I bet he did this/I bet he he made her feel this and that. From my first post someone, god knows how?? thought he'd slept with a 13 year old!! I've included some examples below.

People have assumed he's some lecherous, creepy guy who will go around chatting up groping young girls which is NOT the case.

In the OP I said he'd stared (as I perceived it) at TWO checkout girls not 10 or 20 just 2 and they were not underage. This was then turned into leering which has sexual conotations.

The porn thing, I never said there was any indication of anything underage. I did tell him at the time that any porn was unacceptable to me and hasn't done it since. He lied about it when asked about the search because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Someone even suggested calling the police!

I said the hardly used diary had TWO entries in about the 13 year old (the paragraph above both had said about visiting this married couple he knew, I don't know if it was a relative of theirs or a friend of a daughter. I don't even know if my husband actually talked to her. A poster turned this FACT into "a diary of hot young girls".
The it was turned into him writing his "fantasies" about her in his diary???? Where the hell that came from I don't know.

Two words he used cute and sexy no description of a fantasy or anything. Nowhere did it say he wished to kiss her or sleep with her.

My self esteem issues come from way back when I was a child nothing at all to do with husband. Like I said he is very attentive and always being complimentary.

As I said I can be overly suspicious sometimes and yes seeing cute and sexy being written about a 13yr old shocked me, I then tied it with the teen porn thing and the looking at the checkout girls. THERE HAVE BEEN NO OTHER INSTANCES.
I asked in my first post if I was overreacting and yes I admit I was and was until I spoke to him about it. I can understand how other posters came to the same conclusion(wrong) off my OP and possible the few before the chat.

Even after trying to explain why I accepted his explanation about the diary remarks people where still insisting he was a "danger" to teenage girls and that I'm burying my head in the sand.

I admit I was a bit dubious when he said she thought she was 17/18 but as I'd never seen her so couldn't judge for myself I believe him. After looking on Daily Mail site and seeing an article about "14 year old Disney star Bella Thorne" I can see how it can happen.Sorry don't know how to do links.And before anyone says I've been trawling the internet to find anything to justify things I haven't I saw it last night on there and thought wow coincidence. I usually go on D Mail to have a look at the showbiz gossip.

Things I've learned:
Trust my husband for man I know him to be
Don't read anyones diary no matter how tempting
Don't jump to conclusions before you know the FACTS
Don't even THINK about posting in AIBU!

Wow.

None of what you have posted excuses they facts.

Your husband is sexualy attracked to teenage girls and you cant tell someones age by looking at them and this will get him in trouble.

Sorry are you saying he is not sexually attrated to young girls?

He's attracted to teenage girls. As young as 13. That makes him a hebephile whether you are willing to admit or not.

Frankly OP, I'm incredibly disgusted with your attitude. The fact it was a 'barely used diary' and he wrote it it about a 'dangerous' 13 year old girl makes it even fucking creepier. He barely used this diary yet that info needed to be written down? That makes it something he can re-read and relive. What's so hard to understand about that?

Yes, you're in denial. Yes, your head is buried in the sand, and yes he is a danger to young girls. He is a hebephile. He cannot change that. YOU cannot change that. His behaviour has escalated. I'm not saying he's going to go out and rape a teenager, but he blatantly stared at young girls in front of you. In front of you!!! He's not even trying to hide it. As I was saying, I'm not saying he's going to go rape anyone but his behaviour HAS escalated and he cannot change his 'sexual preference.'

Many paedophiles and hebephiles never touch a child/teen. Many do. And others strike up relationships with parents of children/teens so they can fantasise....And justify what they are craving. You know, escalation? Hence the fear of posters on here.

The fact you're dismissing this and blaming AIBU instead of the real issue means you're enabling him. The best you can do is discourage this instead of looking up celebrities (who wear a lot of makeup in films, I might obviously add) and justifying his perversion will only encourage him.

He's already been at the 'she looks old for her age' stage.

Will you still be excusing, Googling, and justifying at the 'wow, she's mature for her age' stage? Or the 'she's flirting with me' stage?

Dismiss me as hysterical, overreacting, 'reading too much into it' or whatever helps you sleep at night.

But this is a serious issue. And you know it.

BTW, I was attacked by a man like your husband. He groped me in my mate's kitchen. Because I was flirting with him and looked mature for my age. I wasn't flirting and I didn't look mature for my age.

Please, if you ignore everything I've posted, read this:

www.answerbag.com/q_view/2543659

Same justifications as your husband, only they've actually gone farther.

You're right. Don't read his diary. Don't see who he may have friended on Facebook, or what chatrooms he's gone too.

:( Is your self esteem really that low? As disgusted as I am at your denial, I feel sorry for you. It's not YOUR fault. Not at all.