Husband and teens?

[blackraven12]

Hi this is my first post on here although I do browse through often.

Just wanted some advice/opinions please. Sorry may be a bit long.

Bit of backstory first, about two years ago I found out that husband had searched for 'teen bodies' on a torrent site along with some other stuff (not porn related). He hadn't actually downloaded anything it had just appeared in the search box. Now I know a lot of porn with teen in the title are actually 18+ but can look 16 etc so presumed it was that. I was still a little shocked and when I asked him about it he denied it and said it must be a virus. He later admitted it was him.

Last Christmas we were shopping and as we were getting served I noticed him staring at the girl working on the next checkout about 17/18. After we left the shop I turned to speak to him and he was looking through the shop window at the girl as we walked to the car. I've noticed him doing this in a couple of shops girls being 17/18 or a bit older. Now I know its normal for a man to admire a pretty girl but with it just made me feel uneasy. He's 44 by the way.

Now the main reason why I posted. The other day he got some boxes of stuff from his mates house (lived there about 4 yrs ago) that he's going to sell on ebay. I was sorting through them when I found a black book (there were other paperbacks in there) I flicked through it to see what it was and he'd used it as a diary for 2004, so 8 years ago. It was mainly empty pages with a few entries and I know I shouldn't have (I wish I hadn't!) but I had a look.

Part of one entry was"Found out that sexy young(I'll use the name Sarah) is in fact only nearly 14! Why couldn't she have been 17 I could've coped with that." He was 36 at the time.

Another one couple months later " went up to friends, Sarah was looking as dangerous as ever. She really does not look 14. Its criminal. I'm no pervert but she's one cute ,sexy *"

Am I overeacting feeling shocked that even though he new she was 14 he still thought she was sexy??

I haven't said anything to husband. Should I? Should I forget about it?

Thank you to anyone who bothered to read it all!

I think yes. I would list it out to him: the way he ogled the girl, the past porn searches and the diary are all adding up to something that makes you very uncomfortable and see what his reply is. Listen to your gut instinct and don't be fobbed off.

We all have fantasies in our heads that we often don't want to share, but it doesn't sound to me like this fantasy is staying in his head. Not sure where go from here though, sorry, I hope he can explain it.

Thank you ladies I'm going to have to say something when he comes home from work he'll be able to tell somethings wrong.
When he admitted looking for "teen bodies" he was all apologetic and tried to make me feel better ( low self esteem to start with so this didn't help) by saying how beautiful, sexy I am. He says nice things etc on regular basis and is a wonderful husband in every other way.

I do find myself thinking though at times (sometimes during sex) I wonder if he's thinking of teenager. I know that's me putting that thought in my head not him but sometimes I can't help it.

Those thoughts have been put in your head by his actions, it's not your fault. Good luck with the chat, come back and let us know how it went if you feel able to.

Thanks sugarice I've decided to show him the bits I've read ( only few entries in the entire book weeks or months apart) and see what he says. I'll let you know the outcome tomorrow.

I'm amazed that, if that's his interest, that he hasn't found himself online. I find it really hard to believe, tbh.

If I were you I'd read it all!

Ok I agree finding yer hubby doing this isnt great. However i also remember being 14 and dressing up, showing my boobs off etc etc etc. And whilst this was to make me look older and appear more attractive to older guys/boys (not 36 tho), there will be other people who would of thought me older and therefore 'fancied' me. I couldnt dress up and have a sign saying -sorry no1's allowed to fancy me above the age of 30'

I know my dads friend used to try and flirt with me - but i never allowed it he is only male and if it walks he will fancy it - dont give him such a hard time.

BYW - i would be totally different if he had acted upon it

This is disgusting. Looking back, I used to do what nickname did. It was only the saddos that eyed me up. No decent men did.

I also think for a man in his 30s and 40s. It's VERY obvious who are early twenties. Or those who are teens could be at a push 18. They wouldn't even focus on the radar.

But sexually fantasising about a girl you know to be 14....holy shot. I've just asked a house full of late 20s to 30s and their faces .

I wouldn't say it was normal sorry. I'd be concerned.

"I know my dads friend used to try and flirt with me - but i never allowed it he is only male and if it walks he will fancy it - dont give him such a hard time."
Jesus I'm speechless - what the hell is wrong with you?

cantthink your excuse-making for such reprehensible behaviour is quite something

you do womenkind a dis-service (IMO)

"if it walks he will fancy it"...your misogyny is astounding

Not very often does someone manage to be both man-hating and woman-hating at the same time, it's quite an achievement - not one to be proud of though.

yes, it must have been a special moment, that one

how to demonstrate contempt for both genders in one short paragraph

As vile as this is it really is more common amongst men than you think.

When men search for teen porn often the searches send back results of 'young teen' or 'barely legal' teen. All these girls although legal are made to look pre pubescent to cater for that market. It doesn't help when they encourage the whole schoolgirl look.

I work with a guy in his fifties and he thinks nothing of looking at 14 and 15 yr olds. He reckons they're more mature these days so fair game.

I don't think it is that common. The men I'm sat here with disagree....infact they bring up an incident....much like you describe cod. Where one of their colleagues made lewd remarks about a very young girl 16 if that in the street. They all pulled him on it.

Maybe I just know ok guys

House I unfortunately work with some right pervs. Sometimes stuff I overhear makes my skin crawl. Luckily I will never be romantically involved with the sickos!!! Just saddens me that there are guys like this out there preying on young girls.

Cod, how do you prevent yourself from giving that colleague the verbal bashing of his life ?

I soooo would (and take the warning from HR)

I would be a very unpopular colleague in your place of work, Cod

or maybe get some respect for stating my opinion instead of keeping my gob shut for an easy life ?

who knows...

this mindset is not common among my social circle

because the minute I heard anything like it, they would no longer be in it, and they would know the reason why

I work in a female dominated profession, so less common I expect

Obviously in the workplace I remain professional however at work social events I have been known to speak my mind! I distance myself from them at these occasions but sometimes you can't avoid them.

I dunno Cod

if your colleague is being unprofessional at work (by perving over 14yo's)...I would fight fire with fire, personally

but make sure I had witnesses

because he would be in the wrong

so youve just asked a group of men and they seemed shocked???? . How many guys would own up to fancying 14/15 in front of every1? hence why OP's hubby did what he did. Not saying its completely right but I did (as did my friends) look older than we were to try and buy alcohol get into pubs etc.

Just saying men will be men

When i was 13, 14, 15 etc, there was a man in his late twenties who would "befriend" girls my age in my area. He clearly found girls that age attractive, would make friends with them and would eventually have sexual relations with them whilst they were still underage. Back then i didn't know what it was but now think of it as grooming.

He didn't often have full sex with them, probably as an attempt to stay legal.

Im was aware that he was still doing this many years later. We have both moved away but i don't doubt he is still doing it and he would now be nearly 50.

Men like that don't suddenly change.

I don't know if your partner has done anything in reality (although a lot would say that looking at porn of young girls is just as bad), but if he is fancying 14 years olds then to be honest i would think of him as a disgusting pervert and would dump him.

He is also unlikely to know for sure if the young girls in the porn are actually as young as they look and are being forced into it.

Liking young girls makes him a potential child abuser in my eyes. Anyone else would know its just not acceptable to think of them in that way, but he clearly is.

I also think the internet search is probably the tip of the iceberg.

You shouldn't be feeling insecure that your partner fancies younger women, but outraged that he fancies girls who are no more then children!

You are focusing on the wrong thing there!

Just saying men will be men

Men will be men!? All men fancy children do they? How much make up a girl wears or how effective their push up bra is doesn't change the fact that they are a CHILD!

Men will be men? How patronising and insulting to men.

They were telling me about an incident, where there were lots of them on a works trip and one was "phoar look at her type thing" and there was silence....as she was a teenager clearly and the men were disgusted and told him so.....

So men being men, they would have joined in no? Especially being in a male orientated environment. Or could it be, scary thought here. Not all men are perverts, and they wouldn't even entertain being attracted to an under age girl.

Sweet Jesus. I think nickname judging by your posts. You've mixed with all the wrong people of both genders.

Not saying its completely right but I did (as did my friends) look older than we were to try and buy alcohol get into pubs etc.
You will have looked exactly what you were - silly teenaged girls trying to look and act like grown-ups. Whilst at that age girls do try and get sexual attention from men, it is the responsibility of the man (the ADULT) to not respond.

How many rape cases have we seen recently where the man moans that the 12 year old "looked older."

"men will be men" simply gives perverts a get-out clause.