Husband and teens?

[blackraven12]

Hi this is my first post on here although I do browse through often.

Just wanted some advice/opinions please. Sorry may be a bit long.

Bit of backstory first, about two years ago I found out that husband had searched for 'teen bodies' on a torrent site along with some other stuff (not porn related). He hadn't actually downloaded anything it had just appeared in the search box. Now I know a lot of porn with teen in the title are actually 18+ but can look 16 etc so presumed it was that. I was still a little shocked and when I asked him about it he denied it and said it must be a virus. He later admitted it was him.

Last Christmas we were shopping and as we were getting served I noticed him staring at the girl working on the next checkout about 17/18. After we left the shop I turned to speak to him and he was looking through the shop window at the girl as we walked to the car. I've noticed him doing this in a couple of shops girls being 17/18 or a bit older. Now I know its normal for a man to admire a pretty girl but with it just made me feel uneasy. He's 44 by the way.

Now the main reason why I posted. The other day he got some boxes of stuff from his mates house (lived there about 4 yrs ago) that he's going to sell on ebay. I was sorting through them when I found a black book (there were other paperbacks in there) I flicked through it to see what it was and he'd used it as a diary for 2004, so 8 years ago. It was mainly empty pages with a few entries and I know I shouldn't have (I wish I hadn't!) but I had a look.

Part of one entry was"Found out that sexy young(I'll use the name Sarah) is in fact only nearly 14! Why couldn't she have been 17 I could've coped with that." He was 36 at the time.

Another one couple months later " went up to friends, Sarah was looking as dangerous as ever. She really does not look 14. Its criminal. I'm no pervert but she's one cute ,sexy *"

Am I overeacting feeling shocked that even though he new she was 14 he still thought she was sexy??

I haven't said anything to husband. Should I? Should I forget about it?

Thank you to anyone who bothered to read it all!

I said it as well several times. I also was the one who posted about the guy abusing a 13 yo. The woman stayed with him and treated the 13 yo as the scarlet ow .

Op is more concerned about the fact her husband has a wandering eye, and is going to be on "tenterhooks" in certain situations. Incase these "sexy" teens tempt him away.

Rather than it is a bit sick her husband has a thing for teenagers. She sees them as competition for her man.

I don't know whether to feel sorry for women like this or angry.

Yes poo poo, I think totally arse about tit. Sorry only really skimmed the replies to the op.

I also think it is a really bad sign that he has these sexual urges but chooses relationships with older women. Just what is he looking for from indulging his sexual attraction to young girls? Likely to be power and control, a man who links sex with power and control is potentially dangerous. Why does he compartmentalise his sexual attraction to young girls from his ordinary life?

And what has been discovered is only the tip of the iceberg. The girls not knowing he is peeving is total crap too I think, if the op has found/seen things then other people will have done too.

*perving

Having teenage lads rather than girls may make you feel safe but I wouldn't want my lads living with and learning from a man like this at an important time for learning about sexual relationships.

Im worried if you have friends with young Daurgthers. You could be putting them at risk.

this type of person is always so good with the charm, etc...they are manipulators and users and it is only ever for their own advantage....he keeps up a persona of 'nice guy' and actively works to become everything you think you need, underneath he has another side to him which he has shown you by mistake...(on several occasions now)you have seen 2+2 and have found an answer...you posted here because you know this to be wrong, seriously questionable and worrying....

I don't know why you remain in denial and would be willing to follow his manipulative charm and dismissive (it was nothing)response....you know this isn't the truth but you seem to want to believe it anyway....I'm sorry you are lost and I hope you can find that self respect and care for yourself and realise that you deserve so much more than this, and realise you shouldn't be adjusting your moral code because you are afraid to follow it for yourself.....this really isn't a healthy minded man with a healthy outlook....and you know it, have seen it and have experienced it....it's been running through his psyche for years...this isn't a new issue with this man...it is on-going and has been apparent to you for a long time....

The advice you have been given here in response to your original post and details you have imparted has been a reflection of any majority with a moral code and has not been twisting, distorting or taking things the wrong way...it is what, I think, you yourself know and are simply too afraid to act on...I'm sorry but that is the bottom line that I read from you and I'm really sorry you can't find the strength to respond to your own inner voice, never mind people here....

Good luck anyway....and I really hope you can get through this and find peace again somehow for yourself

OP - I am appalled at some of the responses you've had here and the escalation and accusations, for which there is no evidence whatsoever. Hope this is of some reassurance.

DH and I together 15 years. Some 8 years ago I 'discovered' he'd downloaded some soft-core porn - not explicitly teen but definately of a particularly youthful body type. There was a bit of a hoo-hah at the time that lingered for a while - I was not entirely comfortable and needed to get my head around it.

What became evident, and I can live with, is that my DH - who is about as loyal and faithful and reliable as they come - had a very occasional FANTASY, most likely associated with a very occasional wistful longing for days long gone (yeah, I'm happy to accept he's only human). And you know what? SO DO I!

I have 100% confidence that he would never act on this fantasy, is not remotely obsessive, nor is he a perve. Just as I would never act on my FANTASIES nor would he.

My last post on this, and I disagree some people have twisted and added things etc from my original post and still are! Thank you for your concerns but I'm not a weak "oh but I love him" person and don't put up with just about anything. And being a mother myself I would NOT be with someone who I thought was a risk to children/teens.

Except that it isn't a fantasy (although I'm not sure why having sexual fantasies about teenagers is ok - I cannot imagine ever fantasising about a teenager and I'm only 28) because it is impinging into his real life, threatening his relationship because of how he is behaving towards young girls in reality.

No-on thinks their partner is a risk to young teens btw. Obviously if they did they wouldn't be with them.

What has been twisted and added op?

Offred - I didn't say that fantasies about teens were acceptable. And 'teens' is a broad category anyway. Plenty of 18/19 year olds are sexually mature and active - personally, I think that's a shame in very many ways but that's a whole other discussion.

The point is, there's a big difference between FANTASY (which many - including ardent feminists - would say is a normal and acceptable part of the human psyche) and ACTION and I remain appalled by some of the emotive and highly charged inflammation that's going on on this thread.

But bag have you not read that the teens in question here have been as young as 13?

Also that one of the problems has been a real life infatuation with said real life 13 year old, that is not fantasy is it, it is fantasising which is an entirely separate kettle of fish IMO.

Op what people have done is offer advice and thoughts, your choice to believe and accept whatever you think but I don't think anyone has twisted or added anything just offered their thoughts on what you have said, how they'd feel about it and what they would be worried about.

I'd be worried if my sexual partner had teenage girl fantasies that they were acting on because in my experience this has always been an indicator of other problems and wrongness. That's my experience, it absolutely does not necessarily carry through that every middle aged man who has ever had a fantasy about a teenage girl is a scumbag and that is a totally different thing. To a big extent it matters what they do about it and how they feel about it too but I find the idea of feeling good about a fantasy like that very uncomfortable, sometimes you can't control fantasies or dreams but searching out porn or perving on someone crosses the line into acting on it for me.

I don't agree any 18/19 is sexually mature. Active isn't the same as mature.

Yeah but I thought a lot of the appeal of teen porn was 'the naughty schoolgirl/cheerleader/stay after class miss' not their actual age.

He has written down sexual fantasies about a 13 year old. Why would he do that? I know why. suspect OP knows why too. :(

Please Op, take this seriously!

I had a teacher at secondary school who I heard saying about a female pupil: 'she's got such good legs it's dangerous'.

A few years later it came out that he had had an affair with a (different) girl in my year, so age 14 to 15 at the time. The girl was very vulnerable, her parents were going through an acrimonious divorce, and the affair apparently began with him offering her 'support'.

He was married with two little kids.

Maybe he would justify his 'dangerous' comment in the same way as the OP's husband.

I would be worried about him watching teen porn that acutually is child porn and having the police at my door and everything that goes with it. Ignorance is no defence in the law and you really cant tell a young girls age just by looking at her.

So the whole internet teen porn would have me having stearn words with oh if it was me.

Then i would seriously rethink my relationship if a men i was with put sexy and 13yo in the same sentance.

That is not twisting words thats just twisted.

You cant change him OP but can you live with him and any of the fall out if he goes too far?

There's no point. OP has decided to put her head in the sand and label us all as shrieking harpies. :(

OP, deep down, deep, deep down, you wouldn't have posted this unless you knew it was wrong. Please, think of your children! You can always find a wonderful partner...'This' isn't it! This man you're married to is a hebephile whether you're wlling to admit or not. And yes, being so strongly attracted to young girls IS a big deal, no matter how you try to rationalize it. I was attacked by a hebephile when I was 14. Your husband's behaviour is escalating, FFS see that you deserve better, see that your boys deserve a better role model, see the danger in his escalating behaviour. PLEASE!!!!

yes strange thing men are crazy and sick about women and now teens but lets not forget this young girls dressing up like porn star .any way he shouldnt write it down.

"but lets not forget this young girls dressing up like porn star "
WTF hanouna123.
I'm a very visual person. If I saw a 13 yo boy dressed like a porn star, I wouldn't be attracted to him. Because I'm not a pedo.

All the stuff about girls looking older is just bullshit. This type of man goes after the young looking on purpose - he wants someone small, vulnerable and immature. Mistaking one girl for older is one thing - but looking for "teenager bodies" porn, checking out underage girls in presence of his partner, calling a 13 y o sexy and dangerous (vomit, he is the dangerous one) is something else.

Yes if it wasnt about being attracted to a teenage body and was instead about mistaking repeatedly and consistently girls who are teenagers for adults then he wouldn't be specifically searching the Internet for exactly the phrase "teenage bodies".

Houseofpain Op reminds me of someone I know. Her DH was a letcherous bastard. Known by everyone as the one who, looked, touched, leaned over, got to close to young girls. Everyone, upon everyone used to talk about him with disgust. Them his poor wife who seemed oblivious and he treated her like shit also. Until one day, the man went too far. All those years of having strong sexual urges to early teen girls. Spilled over into a sexual assault. The worst bit is and I shit you not. The wife still turned a blind eye and treated the girl concern with utter contempt, like she was an OW shock. This thread reminds me of that.

I missed that! Jesus Christ! What was the outcome? Was he charged?

BagOfTimeSat OP - I am appalled at some of the responses you've had here and the escalation and accusations, for which there is no evidence whatsoever. Hope this is of some reassurance.

Of course you are considering YOUR husband also likes young girls!