Husband and teens?

[blackraven12]

Hi this is my first post on here although I do browse through often.

Just wanted some advice/opinions please. Sorry may be a bit long.

Bit of backstory first, about two years ago I found out that husband had searched for 'teen bodies' on a torrent site along with some other stuff (not porn related). He hadn't actually downloaded anything it had just appeared in the search box. Now I know a lot of porn with teen in the title are actually 18+ but can look 16 etc so presumed it was that. I was still a little shocked and when I asked him about it he denied it and said it must be a virus. He later admitted it was him.

Last Christmas we were shopping and as we were getting served I noticed him staring at the girl working on the next checkout about 17/18. After we left the shop I turned to speak to him and he was looking through the shop window at the girl as we walked to the car. I've noticed him doing this in a couple of shops girls being 17/18 or a bit older. Now I know its normal for a man to admire a pretty girl but with it just made me feel uneasy. He's 44 by the way.

Now the main reason why I posted. The other day he got some boxes of stuff from his mates house (lived there about 4 yrs ago) that he's going to sell on ebay. I was sorting through them when I found a black book (there were other paperbacks in there) I flicked through it to see what it was and he'd used it as a diary for 2004, so 8 years ago. It was mainly empty pages with a few entries and I know I shouldn't have (I wish I hadn't!) but I had a look.

Part of one entry was"Found out that sexy young(I'll use the name Sarah) is in fact only nearly 14! Why couldn't she have been 17 I could've coped with that." He was 36 at the time.

Another one couple months later " went up to friends, Sarah was looking as dangerous as ever. She really does not look 14. Its criminal. I'm no pervert but she's one cute ,sexy *"

Am I overeacting feeling shocked that even though he new she was 14 he still thought she was sexy??

I haven't said anything to husband. Should I? Should I forget about it?

Thank you to anyone who bothered to read it all!

Na sorry load of old shite. Tom Daley good looking chap. Using him as an example as he is on this thread. 18. I do not think he is even remotely sexy at 31. 10-12 years ago yes. Now I have out grown the youthful look. I had to convince myself dating my dh at 2 years younger was ok. I amm more into rough ragged types now. Say the guy in the tudors. A MAN.

She was 13 at the time af...she he said "and she is nearly 14" :(

Oh yes because the men in my life are definately like this random people think they know everything

It's an hebephile or ephetophile but everyone seems to be throwing paedophlia about, not me.

Yes she isn't real but it's a point that this can happen and this is why a lot of guys find celebs that are very young attractive.

Yes the OPs husband may have meant what he said in the 'oooh, I wish she was 17 so I could bang her' way. In fact, most likely so. But the important thing is, he didn't say 'but I'll go bang her anyway'.

It is pro sexual abuse because the image has been deliberately modified to imitate an adult look and hide childish features and it has been created deliberately in that context to excuse and allow the sexualising of young girls by adults.

fwiw I could never fancy a 12 year old. The youngest person I have found attractive at +20 was a 17 year old and he looked very old for his age, to be fair. Plus that was only 3 1/2 years difference!

Now at 22, I tend to find 18 to 30 year olds attractive, but that's just me. Now I can't judge everyone on my tastes, can I?

I know a woman who is 45 who finds a certain celeb of 19 very attractive. Why is it so wrong to many people that she finds him attractive? It's not hurting anyone. I may not agree, but does that matter? Not one iota.

Lord, the poster you linked to uses the word "paedophilia"

Are you now devaluing the "research" you would have us read ?

What causes the sexualisation of children?

Indeed, adults.

Men and woman.

Why, don't so many woman of late 20s early 30s try and look 'teen like'. Is that not just as disgusting, no?

I am sorry but the child is not to blame. The general public isn't to blame, it's those that actually want to harm children or have no problem with doing so, at the very least.

Film/Televison/Advertising.

So maybe it's seen as normal, because all of these outlets show 14 year olds in spandex dancing around these days? If something is presented as sexual, wont it be seen as such?

OK, OK I agree with the 'evolution/it's what we naturally find attractive' section of the post then, does that make it specific enough for you?

The poster used the word paedophile, I was not using that term.

I'm yet to have seen in my 20 years on this earth one 13 year old who without screen makeup and certain clothing, could absolutely pass as 18. I went to school with a girl who at thirteen was very developed and yes, sexy and looked older (but certainly not 18) but I'd be shocked if a man made that mistake on a passing glimpse and then when realised, still was attracted to her. That's just disgusting and yes, it is unnatural. The majority of men are not still attracted after the fact.

Why do people truly believe all/most men naturally want children and it's naive to believe otherwise? I've had terrible experiences with every sort of abuser under the sun, and even the 'only' emotionally abusive ex's I had didn't feel that way if they made a mistake.

Also, surely as soon as 13 year old opens her mouth it's bloody obvious she's not 18?

Anyway, some people wont listen to others points of view. After all, you don't have to agree. As clearly I am:

a) against paedophilia/ephetophilia/hebephilia
b) sympathising with any girl who puts up with a leery old man who tries it on with them as it's disgusting.

I am not:

a) saying the OPs husband was right in thinking the way he was.
b) saying that doing any acts with someone underage is OK.

Maybe not 18, but 16.

Think of it this way 21 year old guy finds 14 year old attractive. He doesn't realise she's 14 and thinks she's 16 or perhaps 17. She is articulate, isn't 'adult' as such but well endowned, not flaunty and doesn't act childish.

Is it wrong for him to fancy her?

If the Op's creep of a husband wanted to bang 19 year olds, we'd say he was a sleaze but nothing else. Not dangerous, nothing else.

I think there's a big difference between finding one 19 year old celebrity sexy when you're in your forties, and finding most young teens in day to day life sexy in your forties. Most teenagers do not look like Jennifer Lawrence or that guy from Twilight.

Seriously it is not evolutionary. Having sex with teenagers means your babies are more likely to be born prematurely and die.

Yeah because he doesn't know. When he did know, I'd expect him to be creeped out. I'm a similar age to you and that's always been my experience, and my experiences unfortunately only involve scum.

And if that 21 year old said that was what happened but continued perving after he found out she was 14, then you found his diary talking about the 14 year old being sexy again and dangerous and that he wished she wasn't 14? Then you caught him searching for porn using "teenage bodies" as a search and sometimes staring at teenage girls all the way out of the
Shop and into the car? Not in anyway the same is it?

Girls having babies in their early/mid teens are more likely to have problems with the pregnancy, and problems with the baby

I always thought one of the main reasons back in yonder girls had babies as soon as puberty began was because most people died in their 30's, and she'd the 'women' often died in childbirth.

Exactly thats why it is evolutionary, not right.

If he found said 14 year old attractive and didn't act on iyt I wouldn't be too worried about it.

It, even.

As I say finding child features attractive is DISGUSTING.

But it's not evolutionary tho..........men should be attracted to 20 is females. They have the best chances of carrying the "offspring" to term. Not teens, so why do you keep coming out with such shit. Too close to home and the guys you mix with?

At 14 the hips are still growing at 21yo the growth has slowed or stoped and the body is ready to bare children.

So most men should find women 20 - 25 more attractive than a 14yo who is still a child and not very cuvry!

The fact he know her age makes your agruement void.

Marriage is not evolutionary, it is a social construct. The marrying of of teenagers was because marriages under feudalism made for political stability and financial gains. It wasn't all 13 year old girls and 40 year old men, equally 15 year old girls were betrothed to 5 year old boys because marriages were not just about children.

Average life expectancy was in the thirties but women who made it through childhood and child bearing lived into their sixties and beyond. The average life expectancy was affected by very high infant mortality as well as risks of childbirth/pregnancy.

Fertile ages have got younger since then but still now many women are not actually physically fertile until they are over 18. It is normal to start your period before you begin to actually ovulate. This is probably an evolutionary advantage because women who began ovulating as girls rather than adults had higher risks of not being able to physically push the baby out and of dying in labour thereby never reproducing their genes.

Sex with teenagers has no evolutionary advantages and actually evolution has developed a mechanism to protect women from getting pregnant while they are still developing.

Women were more at risk of death from child bearing because of the number of pregnancies and because of the lack of medical interventions but this didn't actually mean they were commonly being made pregnant under 18.

For example both Catherine of Aragon was mid twenties and Anne Boleyn was early 30s when they married Henry viii which were marriages specifically about child bearing and possibly love as well as politics, Jane Seymour was 27 and exclusively for child bearing as she was of lower birth than usual, Anne of clever was a political suggestion and 25, Catherine Howard who is known as "the rose without a thorn" maybe because she was very young between 16 and 22 and Catherine parr was 31.

There was no-one in history more concerned with having a healthy heir than Henry viii, if shagging teenagers was evolutionary don't you think he would have been marrying teenagers?

There is no reason to fancy a 13yo child. There is no excsue that makes it ok. EVER