Husband and teens?

[blackraven12]

Hi this is my first post on here although I do browse through often.

Just wanted some advice/opinions please. Sorry may be a bit long.

Bit of backstory first, about two years ago I found out that husband had searched for 'teen bodies' on a torrent site along with some other stuff (not porn related). He hadn't actually downloaded anything it had just appeared in the search box. Now I know a lot of porn with teen in the title are actually 18+ but can look 16 etc so presumed it was that. I was still a little shocked and when I asked him about it he denied it and said it must be a virus. He later admitted it was him.

Last Christmas we were shopping and as we were getting served I noticed him staring at the girl working on the next checkout about 17/18. After we left the shop I turned to speak to him and he was looking through the shop window at the girl as we walked to the car. I've noticed him doing this in a couple of shops girls being 17/18 or a bit older. Now I know its normal for a man to admire a pretty girl but with it just made me feel uneasy. He's 44 by the way.

Now the main reason why I posted. The other day he got some boxes of stuff from his mates house (lived there about 4 yrs ago) that he's going to sell on ebay. I was sorting through them when I found a black book (there were other paperbacks in there) I flicked through it to see what it was and he'd used it as a diary for 2004, so 8 years ago. It was mainly empty pages with a few entries and I know I shouldn't have (I wish I hadn't!) but I had a look.

Part of one entry was"Found out that sexy young(I'll use the name Sarah) is in fact only nearly 14! Why couldn't she have been 17 I could've coped with that." He was 36 at the time.

Another one couple months later " went up to friends, Sarah was looking as dangerous as ever. She really does not look 14. Its criminal. I'm no pervert but she's one cute ,sexy *"

Am I overeacting feeling shocked that even though he new she was 14 he still thought she was sexy??

I haven't said anything to husband. Should I? Should I forget about it?

Thank you to anyone who bothered to read it all!

Blimey. Sorry OP but that would freak me out a bit. Do you have DCs? How do you feel about this?

That must have been an awful shock OP. Personally I would have to say something as I couldn't let it lie, do you have children?

Hi I have two sons from previous relationship the youngest is 17. I don't know the teen porn thing made me uneasy but the diary entry freaked me out especially the last one when after he'd found out she was 14 and still said she was sexy.

Do I confront him or not? Or should I say nothing as it was in a diary from 8 years ago. Just to add the woman he was with in 2004 was ten years older than him and Im two years older.

Ugh. He sounds horrible. When I was 13, the thought of some 36 year old man leching at me would have made me feel ill.

In the circumstances, OP, I think I would be installing a keylogger or similar on the computer. I think he'll be up to all sorts of things.

Why did he feel the need to write it down, too?

I don't think you have a choice. Perhaps there are other signs he has such a warped view? Fancying teenagers is not. ok, especially such young ones. I'd be worried he has put it into practice.

I also think this is utterly vile

Im also glad you have sons from a previous relationship and not teenage daughters.

Why don't you check the computer history etc etc before confronting him?

I'll take a guess that this is the tip of an iceberg

I would imagine the OP's DH found the InPrivate Browsing option quite quickly.

The computer is no problem (our pcs are side by side) and he only goes on it when I'm on mine.

Obviously I don't know what goes on in his head!

Would you tell him I read the diary or not?
One minute I think well it was 8 years ago and in a diary where you can write anything you want and which I pro should not have read.

But on the other hand its going round and round in my head that he's leering after every teenage girl!

I would watch and wait. Does he use the internet on his phone?

I would bring it out into the open otherwise you'll just stew on it, be prepared for denials of anything improper even though it's there in writing. I don't know where you go with this though as it's clear he has a 'thing' for teenage girls, I'm sorry.

No doesn't use internet on his phone and he doesn't have access to one at work.

Yeah i would check the internet on his phone, he is far more likely to used this if your pc's are in such close proximity.

I had a fair few run ins with perverted older me when i was younger, and it made me feel sick. Made me think that all men are perverted etc. Now the porn of young looking women just by itself, although a bit urgh would not disturb me too much, as they are over age, but those comments in the diary would have me choking back the bile.

Yes you're right sugarice I know I will. He can't really deny it can he if its in black and white?

He'll know somethings up when he comes home. Don't know if to show him the diary and say Ive read it and see what his response is. He might even have forgotten what he's written in it as it was 4 years ago.

It is grim, but I also don't think it's that unusual (older men lusting after schoolgirls cliche). Course it's not nice to know that's what's in his head, but as long as he hasn't acted on it, it's really just a fantasy like any other and best kept to himself. Fine for you to pick him up on any pervy glances and even have it out with him if it makes you feel uncomfortable, but the porn and the diary are private things for him really so he's bound to be defensive. The most you'll probably achieve is him hiding it more effectively.

Thanks for the replies I feel better after writing it down, I'd be too embbarassed to talk to any friends about it.

I am sorry blackraven, but this makes me really uncomfortable. There is nothing wrong with finding teenage girls (late teenage) attractive. But his staring at girls at the till whilst you are there is creepy, disrespectful and not normal. You know it's not - you noticed it and found it odd. I bet the girl at the till felt uncomfortable too (I hated being leered at by older men when I was a teenager).

Honestly, with regards to the diary and the porn, I'd be on my guard - I think there may be a lot more you don't know about him.

So do I say "oh do you know there was a diary in that box of stuff" and see what he says or just tell him outright what I've read?

it was defintely written by him ?

Yes definitely

yuk

I would be quite upfront, otherwise you will stew about it. I would start by saying, as you suggested, there's a diary in that box and then go onto to say ' and some of the stuff in it was quite strange. Do you want to have a chat about it?' .

Then it's out there and even if he doesn't talk now, he may talk later. After all, admitting he has a thing for teen girls might be the first step towards dealing with the problem...

personally, I would tell him outright what I had seen in the diary

and that it, coupled with his other dodgy behaviour was making me seriously consider whether I wanted to be with a man like that

If this was my husband I would say,

'I was going thought that box of books, and found an old diary I yours. I went through it and found somethings that have made me feel uncomfortable and I want to talk to you about it'

Be upfront,say that you were looking to see what was worth saving and what could be ebayed and you flicked through the book not realising it was a diary. Tell him what you read made you extremely uneasy but again I don't know where you go with this once you've had this conversation, what do you want to do?