Chutney

[LouP19]

Where do I go? My thread has gone?!!

Bit upset by the soap opera comments, but understand it probably came out wrong. I like a quiet life. I like reading. I like staying in. I like cats. I like gardening and looking at stuff in Dunelm mill. This is NOT me at all.

careful I agree about not derailing the thread, but would like to put it on record that I disagree about there being "as of yet no "baby."

Hi everyone, I have just spoken with Lou via text. She has asked me to update on her behalf as she feels she needs to just chill out tonight.

She went to the doctors, it was all very clinical which is often the case and the facts have been laid bare for her to make a decision; however there is no massive rush for that decision.

She is thanking each and every one of us for the continued support and will come back tomorrow to talk some more.

I have advised her to eat, drink regularly and try to get some sleep. She isn't on her own, she has a friend with her this evening as she was well aware her parents needed a break.

She feels like she is having a meltdown of sorts at the moment and just needs some time out.

Thank you for reading, Babylon1

babylon i wish I had a friend like you, that post was lovely

For those that are asking about chemical pregnancies
Easy enough to google them really, and if you are trying to conceive and perhaps testing frequently they show up, where as in reality, many, many of us have these very brief conceptions which do not develop into full pregnancies.
I had a number.

I hope you don't mind OP. Shame to have this query shadowing the support you are getting.

If you want to delete this post OP, I will fully understand.
Something happening in my life at the moment would probably get similar reactions, but sadly life really can be this awful.

Pickles, if you remember, I asked your location when your world turned upside down. I did the same for Lou and it turns out we live minutes from each other.

But thank you for saying that - I do try and will offer support to anyone who needs it

Thankyou Babylon. I'd hate to think she felt she HAD to come back and update us, this is really not the case at all, her life's difficult enough without being obligated to a bunch of internet sprites .

Clam - I understand some people disagree on this. Lou - there will be mumsneters who will support you whatever you decide. I hugely admire how you've dealt with everything that's come your way so far.

I'm following from precious thread have obviously missed the big news of the day.......wow!!

Lou- take it easy tonight. Sounds like you have a good friend in Babylon. Get plenty of rest and try and chill out a bit.

You don't have to rush into any decisions about anything, just look after yourself.

I do remember Babylon I wish I'd got a copy of my thread. I hope Lou keeps this. That's amazing five mins apart.

Whilst I would be absolutely delighted for Lou if she decides that having a baby is right for her at present, I am so fearful that this may be one mountain too many for her to climb right now, both mentally and physically.

Please send her all my love Babylon. Tell her to look after herself, and take as much time as possible to process all the momentous happenings of the last few days. Then follow her heart.

Would just like to say I second Carefulobserver's post. I've been feeling a bit uncomfortable myself since Lou has herself indicated that congratulations may not be in order. It's her choice, a very difficult one, and I'd hate her to feel that she was somehow letting people down by taking a different road from others in an equivalent situation.

Lou We're in the same boat. I discovered I was pregnant after I discovered H's affair. I had already started the divorce process and it came as a terrible shock.

I have decided to keep the baby, for many reasons, one of which is my age. This is may be my only chance to be a mum. You have to sit down and think about yourself, and only yourself here. Whatever you decide that is ok, and no one one here has any right to judge you either way.

For now, do one thing - look after yourself, eat properly, and try to get some sleep. If you are physically strong you can be mentally strong. Also, take folic acid, do all the things that you would if you were going to continue the pregnancy. That way if you do, it has the best chance of being healthy.

I'm thinking of you, I know how hard this is. I'm going through it too. (((Hugs)))

I agree, the 'congrats' should tone down a bit, seeing as Lou has yet to make a decision. Thanks Babylon for letting us know. Lou, hope you're ok love x

Hi Lou, I just want to offer some moral support. And let you know that, awful as it may seem right now, once the shock and horror dissipates you may find that you are more content than you could possibly imagine being with this situation.

You are pregnant, scary, exciting and shocking - I should know! I conceived DS2 in the midst of my STBXH announcing he 'didn't think he was cut out for marriage' which in hindsight was code for 'I've started shagging my co-student at uni but don't think I'm going to tell you just yet'. I spent about 4 months living with a cold, nasty, egotistical cheating bastard. When I finally outed the affair and got rid, I was 15 weeks pregnant - I think I mentioned this on your old thread, and blackcurrants mentioned me before. You won't be interested right now, but if you want to feel less like the only one whose life can get this utterly fucked up, please feel free to read my recent threads, here and the first one. Both hit roughly 1000 posts and got very soap opera at times!! I never expected to experience something so horribly hurtful.

BUT having said that, I'm here, with my utterly beautiful 5 week old baby. My older DS just turned 2. My STBXH lives with his OW, I was never going to take him back once I knew what he'd been capable of. It's been incredibly challenging, but by forcing myself to stay true to my own values I've managed to work out regular contact for him and come to terms with this new version of my life. It's not what I wanted or planned, I never expected my babies to grow up with such a twunt for a dad. But we get what we are given, and the best anyone can do is give life your best shot.

You won't feel like it now, but I'm grateful to be able to make the decisions I feel are right for my boys, more or less by myself. I can choose where we live, what our money is spent on, who we socialise with and what values I teach them as they grow... single mum doesn't mean bad mum. And it's not a forever sentence. If you wanted to do it, I'm sure you would do an excellent job. And there is no reason to think in doing it, you won't meet someone incredible who wants to share your life and your child with along the way.

If you ever want to chat or need a hand holding above and beyond general thread following, please do PM me. I have had unbelievable support from the MN crew right down to people sending me baby gifts by post!! So I am more than happy to return the favour to another poster in need X

Lou has assured me she will be back tomorrow so will read all of you very kind messages of support.

I'm respecting her wishes and won't contact her again tonight, she has an open invitation to contact me whenever she needs/wants to

Just checking in on the new thread, thanks for the update Babylon. Hope Lou gets a good nights rest.

Choco - excellent post as always. I told Lou I would track you down, lol.

Lou I'm glad you're having an evening in with a friend and hope you manage to relax a bit, if that's possible in these circumstances. You're doing amazingly, honestly. Every time I read another of your posts I'm overwhelmed by how strong and sane you seem. You don't need to decide anything about the baby quickly-and you don't have to tell your H until you've made a decision. He's lost his right to be involved in any decisions about any child by treating you in the way he has in my opinion. If you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy then how far and to what extent he is involved can be decided by the courts if necessary-you don't need to worry about his input for now. I really hope you can think it all through without any pressure either way from him. I'm thinking of you lots, so please accept an un-MN hug. X

Oh Lou, hope your ok once you read these. My ex was cheating and eventually went off with someone else and now here I am 16 weeks pregnant. It was a massive shock, and the fact its father had hurt me so much really tainted it at the beginning. When deciding what to do I was given a scan and after seeing my little cherub everything else seemed to fade in importance.

Don't let this chutney maniac taint it for you too, or influence your decision. Thinking of you xx

Sleep well Lou.

Tomorrow is another day,x

Thanks for the update Babylon - have followed Lou to this thread to offer warm words - I have nothing more to offer, am too far away ).

Lou I hope you have as peaceful a night as is possible for you and return to this thread to find your cheer squad waiting for you.

Hey Lou, just checking in to see if you're ok. That's some news today- take it very very gently, look after yourself please.
Glad you've got people with you to take care of your battered self tonight, I'm sending you sleep and a quiet mind.
Babylon, you're a star!

Bless you Lou.you are a star.go so ready on yourself with this news..your emotions will beso intensified, and that's on top of all you have been through. Take things minute by minute, that's the kindest thing you can do for yourself, not too much in past or future.we are all here.big hug x

Thank you, Babylon - and, Lou, please never feel like you owe your thread anything! We're here as a resource if you want it, that's all. No-one on the planet has the right to tell you what to do with your life, let alone a bunch of no-names on the internet!

As with all support threads: take what you can use; leave the rest. It's free :)

Hope you've slept and feel safe by the time you read this. xx