Chutney

[LouP19]

Where do I go? My thread has gone?!!

Bit upset by the soap opera comments, but understand it probably came out wrong. I like a quiet life. I like reading. I like staying in. I like cats. I like gardening and looking at stuff in Dunelm mill. This is NOT me at all.

Lordy lord Lou, what's unfolded over the past few days for you is mind boggling to read, let alone experience..

I'm not saying Congratulations until, and if, it's appropriate, but as others have said we will continue to offer our support to you, whatever you decide as and when.

I hope you find a bit of time out tonight x

Lou!
Take your time if you need it, nothing has to be decided straight away. But whatever you decide, you have got support on here and I don't think any of us could claim to have walked the same path you are on - so whatever you decide to do about any of it, you have got my respect!

If Lou was to have the baby, does that make the financial worry less? Like maybe even keep the house?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1531140-please-please-help

Link to your old thread so you don't lose it

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1531140-please-please-help

It's funny how the first reaction a lot of people have about news of pregnancy is to congratulate (me included). I wanted to come back to say that you have my support no matter what you decide, and like others have said, it isn't a decision that needs to be made immanently. I imagine it might take a little while to get your head around this. Take care of yourself Lou, we're here when you need us.

Hope you are ok Lou.

I'm a MH nurse, so hope you don't mind me sticking my oar in. I'm a little confused that in your previous thread you said you were on Valium and ADs. Valium is an AD, so it is unusual to take it with another AD.

Also, hope I'm correct in thinking that you've been taking Valium for some time - which is unusual as you were trying to conceive - as it's not recommended. As it seems you're now pregnant, you do need to talk to your GP asap as valium isn't recommended in pregnancy, should you decide to proceed.

So, nurses hat off, and hope you're ok and will reach the right decision for you. Because now is the time to focus on you, and no one else.

x

Lou
Just de-lurking to say he is a complete shitbag of a man and I'm in awe of you. You must be so shocked with the pregnancy but you have some time to process and think about what YOU want to do. I wouldn't share the news with shitbag until you know what YOU want to do.

Re finances, Bongaloo. I'm no expert, but if there is already a problem with Lou and her husband struggling to fund the house AND somewhere to live for him out of their current joint income, a baby isn't going to make things any easier. Even if Lou managed to find a full-time job at a good salary, and this will be more difficult if she is pregnant, she will have to pay childcare so this makes it more unlikely that she'd be able to afford the mortgage. Child support from her husband is unlikely to bridge the gap because he'll be paying rent/new mortgage. And from what she's said, they have spent their savings on doing up the house. Also, since they bought the house so recently, there's unlikely to be much in the way of profit, and that would be eaten up with solicitors' fees and removal costs.

Poor Lou.

I could be wrong but I think Lou was only given the anti d's and Valium this week after her H walked out, so not been on them very long.

Ok Skye, that's good to know. Hope you are ok hunni.

my father is on ads and valium together, prescribed, so it is given out like that...
Just to say Ive been reading the thread from the start and think you are amazing.

Hi Lou, I've been reading your first thread open mouthed - shock and admiration in equal measure! You are so strong, much more than you are giving yourself credit for and you have a fantastic support network around you.

Whatever you decide re the pregnancy, you will be supported and cared for and loved. We're all rooting for you

I don't think valium is a SSRi though - I didn't think it came under the category of AD?? It is usually given in small doses (ie short amount of time) during a severe crisis and, as far as I'm aware, can be and often is taken with conventional ADs (re SSRi's) for a short period.

It's a benzodiazepine.

Hope you are OK, op.

Thinking of you Lou.

Hope you get some rest.

Valium is not an antidepressant it is a benzo....
Lou- followed your other thread and wanted to wish you well and show support. X

If it was my soap opera comment that caused offence, then I apologise. It has been taken the wrong way if so. All I meant was that your partner's awful behaviour was of the "couldn't make it up" type.

I'll duck out of this thread now. Best of luck.

Morning Lou, Hope you had a some rest and managed to sleep a little last night. Congratulations on your pregnancy. DD and I have been on our own for 3 years now, dd is 4. Her father is continually horrifically abusive towards me, he was controlling and damaging during our relationship, a habitual womaniser ...all that lovely stuff and more. Life is wonderful on our own. You can do it on your own too, promise you, you have the deepest love yet to come, the love you feel for your child is like no other. Happy days ahead.

As for that shitty bastard chutney thief, you wont look back.

Keep going, you're an absolute star.

Just updated myself on this thread properly now.....Sorry, I didnt realise that you hadn't decided whether your pregnancy was good news for you or not. I just want to add, whatever your choice, you have my full support and respect.

Morning Lou,
Just read through the first thread, what a horrific time you're having! You've had brilliant support and are so strong. Sometimes playing and pretending to be strong leads to proper strength if that makes sense?!

Finding out you're pregnant in a situation like this is stupidly hard, I had just left my partner when I found out I was pregnant, we got back together as he told me he loved me and promised he'd be better - my son's now 2 months and I'm a single mum after he cleared out my bank account and my flat deposit leaving me with a newborn and nowhere to live. I wish I'd done the whole pregnancy by myself rather than doing it by myself pretending he was going to start helping. Whatever you decide to do with your pregnancy you'll find masses of support on here, there's always someone who has been through similar.

I hope you got some proper sleep, look after yourself, I'll stop writing an essay now!

Lou, I've been a lurker on your thread but I just want to offer you may support hun. Thinking of you. You will get through this and you will be a stronger person. xxxx

I'm a bit surprised you didn't now that about valium saffysmum as a MH nurse. My understanding is that valium can be used with anxiety but as it is a bezodiazepan it's not the sams as SSRi ADs and anyway she's only been on them the last week since this kicked off.

Hello all, back this morning. Thank you for your wonderful comments, special thanks to Babylon for your lovely texts.

The Dr's was fairly devastating. I can't believe I was sat in a room discussing ideal termination times a matter of hours after absorbing all the solicitors information. I came home and had a massive cry, rang a friend who immediately said she was coming over. I also asked if there was any 'emergency counselling' I could get from the fertility clinic, the Dr wasn't hopeful, but said she's ring me back today with any news.

Had a quiet evening, we just at and watched the Olympics. To be honest it's probably what I needed. I've been invited round to another friends this evening, then tomorrow 2 colleagues from work are coming over,... then on thursday my cousin has offered to stay. This is now going into the weekend, and it's fantastic. To be honest I feel overwhelmed. But so very very tired. Exhausted now.

I told work I'd try to go back in tomorrow. Part of me thinks I really should try, part of me feels I'm too tired. This is stressing me out this morning. Obviously not going to tell them the pregnancy part, but just as I was feeling strong (or feeling like I was going to TRY to be), I had this come at me yesterday.

Add to this I've got to keep one of the cats in because I've got to take him for a jab at 10am,... he's pacing the house howling, I've shouted at him which I never ever do. :-(

And last night he texted me to say he's rang someone local and is waiting to get a counselling appointment for us. Obviously not going to tell him yet, but know I will have to at some point. To be honest he's texts aren't hurting me, they prove even more how delluded he is. I honestly think if he (or anyone) said 'I've made a massive massive mistake. And I'm very sorry. I want to work at it with you' then at least I'd have something to go on, albeit it very very shakey. But it's the fact he isn't being honest with HIMSELF which indicates to me I don't need him or know him right now.

Plus I've got mild cramping. I tested again last night and it was positive, but I remember getting cramping during my last pregnancy and I miscarried.

I honestly feel like I can't cope with any of this now. I got grumpy with my parents last night which is awful, they've been with me every step of the way, but now feel I need a break from the which I feel horrible about. Spent first night on my own in the house last night and it was ok, I am SO exhausted that I'm sleeping straight away.

Am glad you slept - dont be too hard on yourself about your parents as you have been through so much.

Cramping can mean something and nothing - it's not always a sign of miscarriage.

Sending you lots of good wishes x