My DH is being the great white knight... and I'm tired of it.

[worrywortisworrying]

I do 100% of childcare. All of it.

But, consequently, when my DH appears, my DCs go mental because Daddy, the FUN parent, has arrived.

I am so tired of him overriding me. I will say that DS can't have a treat. He will say that he can. I will say DD can't have a story, he will say that she can.

I am the one who has to deal with the fall out through out the night (he does not DO nights) and during the day (he works, I'm a SAHM).

I am so tired of him getting all the good stuff and me dealing with the tantrums / over tired children / night stresses / early mornings.

He's done it again tonight. They are still up now. He is 'reading' to them. Except he's not. I can hear them screaching around the bedroom. Soon, He will get bored and stressed and I'll have to put them to bed. And deal with them through the night. And when they wake up at 6am. And all of tomorrow. Until it's time for FUN DADDDY again.

I am tired of this.

I am exhausted. I've left DH with both kids all afternoon and gone to bed. I'm just so tired, emotional, stressed... He's not happy. He does, very much, feel that he earns the money and that's his job. Mine is the house and kids and that's mine. I suppose it's just tough luck that mine is 24/7 and his isn't.

I'm feeling better for an an afternoon off. Even though it means I'm in trouble with DH. At least I'm better at dealing with DS.

i'm really trying to keep every day as busy as possible so I don't need to think about September. I am dreading school.

Keep posting here my love we're here for you. I know what you mean about school (I think?) Do you mean how your ds will cope and what you get told at the end of the day? You never know he may settle ok?

When ds2 was in year 2 I picked him up once and he's attacked 16 dcs!! It was a one off thank God but I was mortified. Apparently they'd been laughing at something he'd done. He's only being diagnosed at autistic now at 11 but he does take things too literally although thankfully isn't aggressive now. Just irritable and short tempered but not violent.

You can only be in trouble with your dh if you allow it.

They're his children too. He works out of the home, you work in it. That's 9-5 Monday to Friday. Everything outside those hours is 50/50. Or should be.

Keep posting. It really helps to get things straight in your head and write things down, and make a plan of what you want to change and how you can make that happen. It won't be like this forever.

If he has anything to say about you having a few hours off then remind him that he couldn't work 24hrs a day and neither can you.

I wonder if your husband is having trouble accepting that his son has SN and is protecting himself by leaving all the difficult bits to you?

Does he come to any appointments with you?

Deck - No. but that didn't start with DS's SN.

. I'm sorry. You are having a rough time of it. I hope you got some rest this afternoon.

We've had a lovely day today (me and the kids) but I'm knackered!!! DH has never come to any ante-natal or post-natal appts. He doesn't usually come out with us at weekends.

just read this thread..

OP your life is just like that of a single parent with your H dipping in and out when it suits him.

Let me get this right.

Your DP

Insults you
Gives you no support at all with childcare
Deliberatly prevented you from doing a spanish class
Tells you , an adult what you can and cant do !
Leaves you for days on your own when you dont know where he is
Generally behaves like an utter cunt (winds kids up etc)
Never comes to an appts to do with your DS - did he go when you were pg ?

Why are you with him ? He is an utter arsehole and is abusing you. Please leave.

I bet he never does any cleaning or shopping either.

Oh x posted. He didnt go when you were pg either.
I bet £1 million he does no cleaning or laundry or anything else does he ?

He does. Can I have £1Million now? It would come in most handy

You can pay by paypal. I will work out installments with reasonable interest

Really ?
So he helps around the house? What does he do ?

Honestly though , he sounds an awful awful man and he isnt treating you very well at all. Do you really want to stay ?

No, he doesn't. But I'm not going to pass up a million quid!!!

So he does nothing then ?

I can tell you dont want to hear whats being said about your DP. Please do listen. You deserve so much better.

As one who's been in an awful controlling relationship and only ever wanted people to listen and say 'poor you' I can sort of see where you are at the moment, and I really sympathise.

It is really hard to see the wood for the trees when you have been ground down so much. You may not want to hear it but please try to see the mess you are in.

How about starting with trying to get some outside help with your son.

If you feel less stressed with him you may be able to see the bigger picture regarding your DH.

Dear Worry,
Try to take yourself seriously. The issues you have with your DH matter. He seems to have no respect for you. Don't you think he should have some? Your whole life seems to be about placating him and trying to smooth things over and making sure the children don't get in his way. If you were looking at a friend who had this life, you would say 'Yeuch, what an arsehole - what's she doing with him?' You deserve better.
Poppy

Worry, it's lovely to hear your sense of humour: you haven't completely disappeared.

And, I understand your drinking during the day. After all, alcohol is the oldest aneasthetic in the world...

If you have time, can you tell us your story from the beginning. How you met him, what he was like, what attracted you? Did he change once you got pg?

I hope you hear we really care about you here, and even if you don't have a voice with him, you have a voice here.

Was he like this at the start of your relationship or when you first started living together?
He's got a pretty good deal going on, what gives him the right to come and go as he pleases letting you do most of the childcare and all of the housework?
He doesn't deserve you. You don't deserve his crap.

I don't think he has changed. Up until we got married / had kids, I also worked and had a pretty good career, so things were more similar.

I haven't worked since I had DS and, to be honest, there isn't much chance of me returning any time soon as I'll almost certainly home ed DS. Because of DS's SN, going out / socialising the way most mums would just doesn't / can't happen, as it's quite nightmarish. At the same time, DH has worked away 5 days a week for most of the time we've had kids, so it really is just me 5 days a week. Our lives are just so different now.

It's not all one sided. Being honest, I don't trust many people with DS (especially out of the house). So, even when I'm shattered, I find it hard to switch off, if that makes sense.

I do think DH thinks I just sit about all day. I have questioned, millions of times: if what I do is so easy, why are you stressed out after 10minutes? I could demand more respect for myself, but I don't. I can't really say why, but I think it's just a gradual thing. I don't have friends any more, I don't socialise any more, I rarely do anything without the kids. I don't have any reason to put myself first, if that makes sense. There is so much to do on a morning that make up etc just don't happen.

I don't want to leave DH. I wouldn't have a clue where to start without him. Honestly, if you met us, you'd be much more likely to say 'what's he doing with her?' not the other way around!

Op, my ds1 has special needs and i can relate to so many of the things you say in your last post. I think you are amazingly strong, you really are. I couldn't cope at all with the zero support you are getting from your DH.
In my case, when I need a pick me up, instead of alcohol I use dark chocolate!
I haven't bought any more several weeks and if I don't have it at home, I don't eat it. Could you maybe avoid buying wine?

You need Some respite.

I feel so bad for you worry, really bad. I agree with others that you are unable or not ready to see that your relationship/husband is making you feel so much worse than you need to. Your life is stressful enough without his abuse.

And once again - I work FT as a company director and I can state categorically that being a SAHM is MUCH MORE STRESSFUL AND EXHAUSTING THAN WORKING (unless you have staff coming out of your arse)! And that's without an autistic son.