Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 8

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Night sleep well xx

Natural it strikes me that you seem to feel you have to explain how you are to people. You don't. If people aren't ok with who you are and how you behave, that's their problem not yours. With the touch thing, don't explain it, just step back if someone moves in for a hug or a kiss. Don't explain unless you genuinely want to - you have a right to refuse someone's touch without giving an excuse.

Goodnight, I must head off too x

I was asked by mt counseller after first session if I wanted a hug couldn't but was such a mess after yesterdays that I needed it and I felt comfortable with her DC also put her arm around me and hugged me last week when I saw her was weird but nice.

Night Cailin xx

Nightime flashbacks have returned had images in my head last night of him putting my hands on him, started panicking as well ended up crying myself to sleep don't want this to start again.

:( dotty. Flashbacks are so horrible but in the end they really are a positive thing because it means your mind is starting to try to process what happened. They will improve with time. How are you feeling this morning?

Ok Cailin but I'm one of the most rational people I know so feel it shouldn't be having such a huge impact on my life. It must be because its so close to the plea hearing but the fact it happens in bed really stinks. I also didn't know if I had touched him IYSWIM memories are returning again like they did 9 months ago after my interview they come in waves.

What I realised on my daughters 21st was it was 9 months since I walked into the police station and reported it don't know if it was significant but my first real nightmares started after she was born.

How are you doing today dotty?

I'm feeling tired, as usual, but ok.

Not bad slept better last night but i'm soaking with sweat every night never happens even in the hottest of summers.

Went down to Newcastle today to see a friend and her little boy spent a couple of hours was really nice to meet up again.

Glad to hear today was a bit better. I've had night sweats before too - it's awful. I think mine were caused by nightmares, though I could never remember them, I just woke up soaking and feeling like I'd run a marathon. Rotten.

Yes feeling exhausted taking lots of coffee to get going I thought I was the only one who didn't remember nightmares have woken stock upright in bed from them but couldn't remember them I've also woken myself loads of the last few months by shouting out in my sleep its so bizarre

I'm trying to plan to do things most days over the next few weeks to keep my mind occupied whether going out in car or planning errands strawberry fields are open so will see if DD2 fancies that one day.

How is everyone doing? Same story for me today - very tired but otherwise ok.

Understandable Cailin how far on are you?

12 weeks, so still creeping out of the knackered stage. I'm hoping I'll feel less queasy/tired in the next few weeks.

How are you dotty?

Not bad Cailin bit weary got a headache but trying to stay positive, went strawberry picking with DD2 today and I'm trying to think of things to fill the next 2 weeks when hopefully I'll be in control again ATM he's controlling the situation no matter what they tell me.

I have nightmares I can't remember, I also throw pillows around the room and strip the bed and shout out. Great fun, not.

Bit upset about the wee missing girl but saying nothing and I don't want to know what the news says.

It is sad Natural not second guessing until they say what it, was poor wee mite.

Just finding it triggering

I've had a crap evening just kicked off half an hour ago crumbled for no good reason thought I was doing ok as well

Had a slight blip this afternoon was spoken to by a friend on way out of Asda never heard her and when I spoke she was her usual flippant self went to pieces took off in car oops, came back after a short drive got SW soup on and I've made a strawberry tart stil got tons left over though.

Sorry to hear you had a tough afternoon dotty. How are you feeling now?

Chilling out watching a film, need to start relaxing more but its hard atm.

How are you?

Just blagh. Feeling shit today - queasy, moody, tired, the whole shebang. I feel sorry for DH because he's not feeling too hot either, he's had a bad headache for ages, but he's doing loads with DS and trying to leave me to rest. I hate feeling so rough with no end in sight.

You'll have a lovely baby at the end of it though personally think the pain we go through is well worth it

Oh definitely dotty. I just don't do pregnancy well at all. I was exactly the same with DS - grumpy from start to finish. I try to be as positive as I can, and I'm so thankful to have a lovely baby on the way, but the hormones really don't agree with me, they just stir me up into a big angry soup.

I was the same was really ill with oldest sickness,DS breazed through no sickness but was in agony from 5 months around the groin to hip and youngest was stomach bugs all the way through add to my moods DH said I was original road rager that was as a passenger.