He said he bought tickets - he didn't

[yellowraincoat]

My partner is a journalist and he gets free tickets for stuff sometimes.

Yesterday we were meant to see Bruce Springsteen for my bday - I actually couldn't go as I was ill. He told me he'd bought the tickets, not got them for free - this is important to me, I don't think it's nice to give people free stuff for their birthday.

However, I've found out that, in fact, the tickets were free after all.

I'm upset. Upset that he lied, upset that he didn't actually buy me anything but just got it for free.

But maybe I'm over-reacting. I have BPD and I often don't have a clue what's normal behaviour.

So am I?

I see, Shirley. I see.

yellow - you sound so sad and lonely. You deserve better than him, honestly. What are you going to be studying at university (if you want to say)?

Is there any chance that you could move into halls of residence or university accommodation, should you decide that you and your DP need to split up?

I know that I'll never find anyone else,

You don't know that, but being alone cannot be worse than being with someone who makes you unhappy and you have to be to get you medicine.

He may hold you when you cry, but why do you cry in the first place?

Oh, and for what it's worth, I recognise your name and would have you down in my head as a 'regular' - although why that makes a difference I have no idea!

QS - you do get its the lying bit she's annoyed about don't you?

"I am taking my friend. I hope she is not going to be hopping mad that I won the tickets, rather than bying them, at the box office."

Is she your partner? And are you pretending that you paid for them?

Or is your situation actually completely different from this one in every way that matters?

yellow - post where you like. Just sometimes you will come up against this kind of thing. It's probably just a slow day on AIBU.

Sorry it went this way :(

Don't stay with someone who makes you feel bad because you think you are lucky to have them.

Oh yes I get that, MRs. I don't condone lying. But in his shoes, I am not sure I can blame him. I would not have lied, but I can see why somebody would. The way I read this, they want to go to the concert, they want the tickets as a present, but they want the person to PAY for them, even if they can get the tickets free. In his shoes, I would be pretty pissed off that I had to pay an insane amount of money to make my girlfriend happy, when I did not have to. And she then snoops in my email, to find out about a ticket that was "bought" months ago was really paid for or not.

Having said that, he does not sound very nice, anyway.

The op was happy to accept the tickets, she had a thread last night saying she was sad not to go. She probably felt worse thinking her DP had spent a stack of money on them and she was letting him down.

The problem here is his lying and trying to make her feel bad, by continually lying.

And me! And me!

Op said she got a cake on her birthday, and a picture, but she cannot really remember, as her birthday was so long ago, so she did get something in addition to the tickets.

You see you're reading it differently to me QS - I think yellow would happily have gone on the free tickets if he'd made it clear they were a nice freebie and then he'd done something else albeit a small gesture for her birthday.

But then lack of thought in gifts is a bugbear of mine anyway.

Shit! Yes of course you Annie!

Ahhhhhh. Fuckit!

Ah, I think I am just of the opinion that birthdays for adults is a bit of a non-event, so I am perhaps overly cynical.

I did after all get a hand held vacuum cleaner from Asda from my dh one year, for my birthday. Not sure I agree with the effort, and the thought behind that, to be honest! Free tickets, cake and a picture would be very welcome for me!

I couldn't give a fuck about the presents. I must have said this 50 times by now.

HE LIED TO ME.

That is the issue.

I hate lying with a passion.
Can't stand t.
So yes, I see what you mean.
He didn't have to, did he?

Having experience of people with Bpd they often seize onto something small and blow it out of proportion , they may also read malice where it really wasn't intended. I think on this occasion you backed him into a corner and he lied. You do keep saying that you "don't want free stuff" for your birthday, which is a little daft when the thing you are getting is something you want. It takes no more effort to book a concert ticket online than to ask someone for a freebie.

However I do think that your dp does sound like a selfish pig otherwise and therefore I can understand your hurt, when you take everything into consideration . Again people with bpd often have a fear of abandonment and will stay in unhealthy relationships , which only served to damage their mental health further. Often utter twats spot someone vulnerable , such as someone with bpd and seek to mentally undermine them further and this may be happening here.

I would focus on getting yourself strong and starting life anew on your own.

I have no advice on the ticket issue but please don't pull out of university over this! Focus on you, not him, it's not worth ficking up your career for him!

I love you, Shirley.

Well, he lied because
a) You wanted Springsteen Tickets and;
b) you wanted him to PAY rather than get them free.

A hopeless situation. Why on earth pay for something that you can get for free.

Whatever. I don't really care if you think it's daft. It's what I feel, he knows this and I've always said it. It does take more effort to buy something as you actually have to work for it.

I'm not reading malice into his actions. I'm reading thoughtlessness. Something I'm sick of.

Seriously, I don't know why you're telling me what people with BPD are like. I KNOW what I'm like. I don't read malice where none was intended, that's not one of my things, so it's utterly irrelevant. The only reason I mentioned BPD is because I often react in a way to a situation that isn't actually as bad as I think it is.

I don't think I'll cope with university right now. I know it seems like I should just buck up and get on with it, but I just don't think I'll cope.

Quintessential.

Stop banging on about the tickets. They aren't that important. You like free things. Great. I don't. There's really nothing more to be said about it.

The Tickets are the reason for the lie, so I cant see why the tickets now are not the issue....

You know what? For those of you who feel like offering support/wisdom, new thread is here

For those of you who just wanted a bunfight, why not sit here and go on about how I just want money spent on me.

Quintessential, ok. You sit here and ponder that to yourself. I just wanted some support. I'm crying. I feel like crap. My partner lied to me and played some weird mind game. You think I should accept the tickets and stop going on about it. OK, I get it. Point noted. Could you stop going on about it now?

I am sorry I did not say what you wanted to hear.

I shall sit here and not have an opinion that mirrors yours on your other thread, dont worry.