He said he bought tickets - he didn't

[yellowraincoat]

My partner is a journalist and he gets free tickets for stuff sometimes.

Yesterday we were meant to see Bruce Springsteen for my bday - I actually couldn't go as I was ill. He told me he'd bought the tickets, not got them for free - this is important to me, I don't think it's nice to give people free stuff for their birthday.

However, I've found out that, in fact, the tickets were free after all.

I'm upset. Upset that he lied, upset that he didn't actually buy me anything but just got it for free.

But maybe I'm over-reacting. I have BPD and I often don't have a clue what's normal behaviour.

So am I?

yellow, don't pick on one person when there is another repeatedly posting to me to pick apart my posts. See the whole picture.

Which is also good advice for your relationship issues.

at you for saying you are the lucky one. I think you will find it is the other way round.
You don't know that you will never find anyone else, I'm sure you will but you know what, surely it is better to be single than with someone who makes you feel like this?

So 6 pages in and we are not really sure what the argument is about. The original question asks: Am I overreacting. You got answers of both kinds, the majority seems to believe you are not overreacting. Here it is, the answer to you question.
Is this what you wanted? Because it seems you are now asking whether you should end your relationship and how you would cope by yourself, and what your options are and generally looking for advice. Is that correct? These are all additional questions for the audience to tackle. Why not address them all individually?

yellow, I do think you should end this relationship- not because of his lying about the tickets, but because you sound so unhappy

You are about to embark on an incredibly stressful course (congrats on getting a place BTW) that will lead to good employment and housing options. Don't worry about logistics. Your happiness is paramount.

Ugh, hopefully. Read the thread.

Not really about the tickets. About the fact that he lied about the tickets. And then made me feel bad for asking if he lied.

Yes, he got me a picture frame, maybe for bday, maybe for xmas I don't remember. He still passed the tickets off as the main present, as something he'd spent a lot of money on. He still made me feel bad when I asked if he was lying.

Yes, it's jumbly. It's jumbly in my head too. Honestly, he's the only person I have, the only person who is regularly nice to me, holds me when I cry, tells me how nice I am, tells me how intelligent I am. If I go to my parents they'll just tell me I'm being stupid. My friends might listen to a point but my crying and stuff gets on their tits.

Well, on mine too. I'm sick of being miserable and angry and upset. I know he doesn't want to be with someone like that, why would he?

Penis, really, I have bigger problems than who you are fighting with on a forum. I don't care right now.

I'm sorry to all if I wasn't 100% clear in my OP what I wanted. To talk I guess. I feel awful. I'm not being clear. I don't have anyone to talk to.

Golly Yellow - I'd have been pissed off too.

And some of the posters on here really should take a long hard look at themeselves [channels my mother] - seriously Yellow has said she's fragile and you've been really horrible. Not nice at all.

Ok well Yellow you did ask if you were overreacting - a question to which myself and others have weighed in on.

You now seem pretty convinced you weren't overreacting so maybe ignore any posts that answer that question.

It now seems like you need reassurance which none of us can truly give you, it has to come from yourself.

You know that you are not being treated well. Why settle for someone who is nice to you, what, 70% of the time? Why not be on your own, gain strength and independence but be open to someone who is nice to you unconditionally?

Why do so many men/women 'settle' for relationships that aren't healthy? Maybe some counselling will help Yellow, I think you need to build some self worth/esteem.

I'm not asking for reassurance. I am getting therapy. I just need to talk.

I don't know. Maybe this wasn't the place to post. Maybe it's only regular people that get support.

The lying is unkind, whether it comes from laziness, a desire to do it for an easy life, or a deliberate attempt to mislead.

A loving partner should not be lying to their partner, and then berating them and trying to deflect the blame when caught out in that lie.

It is a shitty thing to do, and especially shitty if your partner has MH issues.

I totally understand why you were upset, OP.

Yellow. Hide this thread and start a new one to work through what it is you want to do.

You've had lots of posts offering advice and support?

Stop blaming yourself.

I've just read some posts of yours from Christmas, mainly to see if anything jumped out about presents. It didn't, but I saw you feeling sad because he'd gone to his family's (iirc) and you were on your own all day as you couldn't get to your friends' as planned. You survived But it surprises me that a man in a long-term relationship didn't either take you to his Christmas or ensure your plans were watertight.

None of this is painting a picture of a boyfriend who cares about how you are, sweetheart. I'm not surprised you feel vulnerable - and even unstable, as your relationship means so much more to you than, apparently, it does to him :( Being in such an emotionally imbalanced situation throws even the most stable of people off beam.

I think you should start making your memory box, to pack up and take away with you.

OK, Shirley. That is good advice. I hope people don't mind me posting here. I know I'm not really a regular, but I just need some advice. I've really isolated myself in this relationship and I don't have many people to talk to.

You say he's good at the non-practical stuff, but really, when it comes down to it, the practical stuff is what you really need.

Do you think you are in the right frame of mind for a uni course this year? Could you move back in with parents (annoy to do, I know) or other family away from London, defer your place for a year and get yourself in a stronger place before starting again? Perhaps by then coping a bit better with flatmates etc.

Staying with a man who you dont think the relationship is right because of practical considerations is never a good idea.

Agree with Shirley. There has been a heated emotional dump here, but it appears there are 2 needs:

• emotional support

• practical advice

Yellow, it would really help if you thought through some questions (e.g. how would I flatshare in London with an x budget, whatever). There is a wealth of help and wisdom here. Apart from that, big hugs to you and hold on there, things will get better

yellow, you can post wherever you like.
You should get some constructive responses whether you've been posting for a decade or a day.
Gloss over any replies that you find upsetting or deliberately unkind.
You can't expect everyone to agree with you (and you obviously don't), but some of the replies on this thread are unnecessarily harsh imo.

He got angry when I asked him if he lied. Properly, sulky angry like I was being a total bitch. -- and it turned out he was lying.

This is gaslighting or near enough. The definition is irrelevant really, it is still abusive behaviour. The version I heard was 'You are mad to accuse me of having an affair, really you need help.' And of course, he was.

You say he's honest to the point of bluntness, hurting you even (you might have justified this as 'refreshing' at some point). Doesn't tidy, is a twat, self-centred....sees you doubled up in pain and does nothing about it until pushed. But other times he's wonderful and tells you how great you are. This is not unusual with this sort of person.

Blaming yourself,and trying to fix yourself, is not unusual either : I thought I was back to being a horrible, demanding girlfriend....

It's not about tickets or free/not free is it- that's just the last straw from what I can see. Have a look at this thread, especially the resources at the top, if you want to...maybe it will help.

Anyone can posts anything anywhere. I'm a bit at all the talk about regulars though - I don't particularly recognise any of the names of posters on this thread. (apart from one)

It better be me, Shirley. Otherwise heads will roll.

Am a bit he left you on your own at Christmas- or have I got that wrong?

tethers I started a new thread. But yeah. I was on my own at christmas. It was last minute, not as bad as it sounds.

Oh and you tethers, and BIWI.

Ahem.

Clearly he's not making you happy. He's a liar, who tricks you into apologising to him, and he's downright nasty when you are ill. He's not good for you - you now need to focus on how you get away from him. Start to make plans for finding a place of your own. Once the burden of this dodgy relationship is lifted, I promise you will start to feel better.

Btw, re. the freebie thing - I'm a hack and get some free stuff. Money is very tight atm esp. as dh is unemployed. But I would never give a freebie as a present without admitting it.

Does anyone want the horrible onsie I got from a PR company this week, btw? (Adult babygrow)

I must be a really shit friend. The first freebie I ever got (well, after spending £20 on raffle tickets at my sons summer fair) I won theatre tickets.

I am taking my friend. I hope she is not going to be hopping mad that I won the tickets, rather than bying them, at the box office. Oh no, instead they were in an envelope my son brought home from school.

Getting freebies must be pretty fantastic. I want to go and see Patricia Kaas, she is in London in November. £95 per ticket, means that it is £190 for me and dh. I cant afford it, so we cant go.

My friend (who I am taking to the theater tomorrow) did go to the Springsteen concert. She had a fab time. Her dh got her tickets free from work.

I dont understand how you cannot appreciate freebies, that cost an insane amount of money, just because there was no effort involved. I disagree though.

For your dp, the free tickets are bonus of his work. If he was not a journo he would not get it. So he DOES work to get the tickets.

And like somebody says, ordering from Amazon is as easy as pie, do gifts from there not count?