He said he bought tickets - he didn't

[yellowraincoat]

My partner is a journalist and he gets free tickets for stuff sometimes.

Yesterday we were meant to see Bruce Springsteen for my bday - I actually couldn't go as I was ill. He told me he'd bought the tickets, not got them for free - this is important to me, I don't think it's nice to give people free stuff for their birthday.

However, I've found out that, in fact, the tickets were free after all.

I'm upset. Upset that he lied, upset that he didn't actually buy me anything but just got it for free.

But maybe I'm over-reacting. I have BPD and I often don't have a clue what's normal behaviour.

So am I?

Dprince, ok. That's you. He knows I don't want free stuff. I don't care if you personally would want something free. I don't. It's not the point here. The point is he lied. All he had to do is say "these were free, here's the new CD to go along with the tickets", not to try to pass them off as something he'd spent a ton of money on when he hadn't. The effort it takes to email was about 5 seconds worth of typing.

I wouldn't have REFUSED to go. I just don't want free stuff for my birthday.

Fuck sake. Is that SO hard for people to understand.

Hmm, the lying when you directly asked and getting shirty, like you are wrong to question him, when you now know that it was a lie, that would annoy me.

How long have you been together? do you have DCs together? If you haven't been together for a long time and don't have DCs, then i'd walk away, you can't trust him over little things, what are you going to be about big things?

And I don't consider a free thing to be a suitable birthday gift, if he got them for free, said they were free but would take you out for dinner before or pay for a hotel that night in town, that would be a good gift, but just to give you the ticket as the thing he got you when he didn't is a bit shitty.

OP, YANBU. Unfortunately you've entered the parallel universe of AIBU?, where some MNers will happily tell you that you should be grateful for a pork scratching scraped off a pub carpet as a present.

I'm not surprised you're hurt, both by the lying and the lack of effort. I would be.

Agree with DontmindifIdo.

This is in Relationships peggyblackett.

Dontmind, that's exactly the problem. Maybe I'm not explaining clearly. He got angry when I asked him if he lied. Properly, sulky angry like I was being a total bitch. I have real problems with my temper which I've been trying to get over with therapy and I have made real progress. I really felt like I slipped last night accusing him of lying (even though I did it in a calm way). I thought I was back to being a horrible, demanding girlfriend. I apologised and I felt awful.

Now it turns out he WAS lying.

We've been together properly for about 3 years. Before that we were on and off for about 4 years cos I lived abroad.

We don't have kids.

Oh God, I feel sick. I don't know what I'm going to do without him.

I'm press too, and sometimes even press tickets have to be paid for. For instance, Glastonbury: the press ticket has to be paid for - I think it cost a bit less than an ordinary ticket (can't remember for sure) and of course one gets to park in the hospitality carpark and has backstage access, but still the tickets are paid for. And theatre tickets - I've certainly paid for press tickets to an otherwise sold-out show that I've really wanted to see but not necessarily review. So perhaps he did pay?

completely understand why you are pissed off. I get free books through my hobby, there is no way I would give a friend/family one for a birthday pressie unless utterly skint as that would be stingy.

If you often feel you are walking on eggshells with him, you may find it's better for your mh in the long term being apart from him. I haven't seen other threads so am unware of the back story.

No, he didn't pay. Glastonbury wasn't paid for either, we went to that too.

Well, the OP is being treated as though its AIBU.

Did he do anything else for you on your birthday or for your birthday? Were the tickets the sole present?

Listen to what Puffikins says.

I know you are sure they were press tickets but are you completely sure he didn't have to pay for them?

If he doesn't have a track-record of lying it seems unlikely he'd lie over this.

You must have been pretty ill yesterday not to go. I'd have made the effort if there was anyway I could physically get there.

My birthday and Christmas are 4 days apart. So thinking about it, they were actually xmas. We didn't spend the day together so it's got a bit jumbled in my mind. He got me a picture in a frame as well.

I am 100% sure he didn't pay.

Lizza - I was really ill. I had cystitis, I was peeing blood, my kidneys were aching and my legs were shaky. When I stood up, my legs felt like jelly.

I'm not sure why my non-attendance is being made an issue of by you. I was sick, standing in the rain for 4 hours would have been horrible for me. I LOVE Bruce, he is my favourite singer, has been for years. Why are you acting like I was somehow being horrible by not going? I wasn't just malingering or something, I felt like total crap.

about the cystitis that bout sounds horrific! Did you go to your GP?

It came on really suddenly on Friday, so I haven't been. It seems to have eased up today, still not great, but not like yesterday. It was horrible.

I was wondering if your boyfriend was pissed off that you hadn't gone with him and that that might account for his angry reaction. Didn't mean to offend and hope you're feeling better - cystitis is the pits.

I don't think he was pissed off. If he was, it's really not fair, he could see how much pain I was in, I woke up crying in the middle of the night it was so sore. It's hardly like I just missed it cos I couldn't be arsed.

I am sorry, but you say you are the least money grabbing person ever, yet you want people to spend money on stuff they can get for free, just because you hate freebies. That is utterly nuts.

And he knows this. And he wanted to treat you. So he lied.

If he did not know how much you hate getting free stuff, would he have lied?

Now, it turns out that you like lying even less than freebies... What a great world, eh?

Those tickets are extremely expensive. And you are throwing a fit about him getting them to you for free.

And you say you would been happy with a cup of coffee and a cake. I dont believe you. A person who wants others to spend hundreds of pounds on tickets, categorically are NOT happy with "just" coffee and cake. They are not.

You need to get a grip. A large one.

So why didn't he just buy me something else? I didn't want him to spend money on the tickets if he didn't want to. Yes I'd have loved to go, I really would. I don't want to be lied to.

You don't believe me. Great. You don't know me, so what's the point in saying that? He makes NO effort. If he took me out for coffee, made a little fuss of me, I'd have been IN HEAVEN. He bought me a birthday cake and I almost died. It was so unlike him.

I don't want someone spending hundreds on tickets. I think I've made that clear. I'd rather he just hadn't lied.

How many ways can I say it?

I'd rather have had a CD, whatever. Or if he'd just said from the start "these are for free and I'm going to buy us a nice meal".

Or whatever.

But clearly I can write whatever and people will just see me as an ungrateful bitch because I want my partner to make a tiny effort and also not to lie.

Yes, I should fall down at his feet and thank him for his free stuff that he makes no effort to get. He always seems to be able to make the effort to buy HIMSELF stuff though.

WTF this thread is weird.

Yellow - I don't blame you for being thoroughly fucked off - have you told him you know he was lying?

"He bought me a birthday cake and I almost died."

So you got your cake. What is your problem?

You got cake, and tickets to Bruce Springsteen. They were freebies, and you are mad, because you rather people spend money. Absurd.
Sorry.