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Original poster

ExP says the reason he left me is cos im fat-is this the truth?

227 replies

FattyWatty · 10/07/2012 22:43

Ex walked out on me a few weeks ago after five years together, no kids. He left for a OW i had no idea about. After talking through why he left, he said the bottom line was that although he thought i was pretty and a nice person, he didn't want me sexually as he preferred to have sex with a slimmer woman. He thought he could get over it but he couldn't.

Now i am overweight, a size 20 but he never mentioned to me that this bothered him, when we met i was a size 16 so i haven't put on that much weight! He has always said he prefers curvy women and isn't particularly a looker himself (could lose a few pounds, bad teeth).

This has really got to me-could this really be the reason he buggered off? Or is he just trying to shift the blame?

OP posts:
piprabbit · 10/07/2012 22:48

He's left you and now he is looking for ways to hurt you. It seems like he wants to kick you while you are down, probably to justify to himself his despicable behaviour.

If he wanted your relationship to work but had a problem with your weight, he would have talked to you intead of running off to OW. He is making excuses for himself.

I'm so sorry - but you are better off without him.

ASillyPhaseIAmGoingThrough · 10/07/2012 22:49

He's a Dick is why he left.

showtunesgirl · 10/07/2012 22:51

Nope, it's just an excuse. He's being a prick.

BertieBotts · 10/07/2012 22:53

It sounds like the kind of thing someone says when they're calculating the worst thing they could say, something that would really hurt you. In this kind of situation it's almost never true, either.

Do you really think he would have stayed for five years if it was something physical which was the problem? He's probably just trying to shift the blame as you said or create excuses for himself to make him feel better - he's in the wrong most clearly, and doubly so for such a horrible comment.

PurplePidjin · 10/07/2012 22:57

Well, you just lost 15st of completely useless fuckwit, congratulations! Wine

Lovingfreedom · 10/07/2012 22:57

If you felt put off by your DH's weight and teeth would you have just left him for another man....or would you have subtly suggested a diet and a trip to the dentist and probably, to be honest, carried on loving him anyway? He's trying to pin the blame onto you so that he feels better about ending the relationship/cheating on you.

Abitwobblynow · 10/07/2012 23:00

When people go off, they can never say to themselves 'I am a deceitful, nasty selfish human being and that is why I am doing this hurtful thing'.

No. So instead they twist it into YOU being the one with the problem, so that then they can say 'I am a decent caring person and SHE FORCED ME to behave in this way'.

It is as old as OW and well known this is what they do. He sounds like a right catch, lovely beautiful man inside and out. Just remember the old saying 'when a woman takes your man, the best revenge is to let her have him'.

If size 20 bothers you, do something about it - for yourself.

But we all forget: the most beautiful woman in the world (Marilyn Monroe) was a size 16. And forget the skeletons the homosexual dress designers want to hang their fabrics on, the ideal size that comes up consistently in study after study, that whole waist to hip thing that men love?

Size 14.

So you go girl, talk to us about your hurt and sense of abandonment, but he sounds a horrible and inadequate person and you WILL find after time that you didn't lose much.

kinkyfuckery · 10/07/2012 23:01

What a cock.

Fat or not, you're much lighter without him!

Original poster
FattyWatty · 10/07/2012 23:04

Our sex life had slowed down over the last year, to about once a week sometimes less, he said he was tired etc from work and didnt mind we had sex less and it was good when we did it IYKWIM.

He has been pretty awful to me since he left, saying that he loves me wants me back and then changing his mind-this is the first time he has said anything about my weight, what he said was incredibly hurtful. :(

OP posts:
modifiedmum · 10/07/2012 23:05

Well you've admitted you know your overweight but i don't think thats the reason he left you, think the others have hit the nail on the head, he just sounds like a cunt that wanted to make out it was something you did rather than just admit to himself his a bastard! As long as your happy thats all that matters, he sounds like a dick!!

Binfullofsiliconelimbsonthe45 · 10/07/2012 23:08

He's shifting the blame, so sorry you had to listen to that pile of shite! Not what you needed on top of all the deception.

My dh and I have gained weight, and it's not sexy I'll admit, there is too much belly in each direction, but we talked openly, and are both now supporting each other on our "get buff for Barbados Feb 2013" plan.

He sounds like an amazing catch for the ow Hmm - leave her to him and find someone who appreciates you, hold your head up and move on with dignity. (I wouldn't want to pick up with any man if I heard them saying that to another human being.)

That'll be the biggest kick in his rotten teeth. You getting on with your life, happy and free.

Original poster
FattyWatty · 10/07/2012 23:11

My weight never bothered him before, we loved each other for who we were IYKWIM, not what we looked like.

He always said he loved the way i looked- im so confused :(

OP posts:
showtunesgirl · 10/07/2012 23:12

He said it to confuse you. Don't let him win on this.

skyebluesapphire · 10/07/2012 23:14

My STBXH did the same when he left out of the blue, not call me fat (although I was a size 28, have lost 3 stone since he left.....), but he threw every excuse he could at me as to why it was over (untidy house, sarcasm, didnt support him with his business, blah blah blah) and as I addressed each one or showed him how we could fix things, he just threw a few more at me.

he destroyed me and had me thinking that Im a really bad person, all so he could walk away with no guilt because it was ALL MY FAULT. Except it isnt. This is what they do to be able to walk away knowing that they are perfect and it wasnt their fault. Twunts.

Lucyellensmum12345 · 10/07/2012 23:15

He left you because he is a fuckwit HTH

im a size 22, and was a size 10 when I met my DP - 20 years ago - he still thinsk im dead sexy, see, not a fuckwit. You hve had a lucky escape who wants a man as shallow as that.

Shodan · 10/07/2012 23:15

A little poem for you:

He didn't leave you because you are fat.

He left you because he's a twat.

Lucyellensmum12345 · 10/07/2012 23:16

Shodan - love it :)

Original poster
FattyWatty · 10/07/2012 23:18

I still love him very much, but am moving on with my life as i have no choice. He has played games with my heart since he left saying that he wants to come back to me and then changing his mind, then he hits me with this revelation, while he is saying that he wants us to try again!

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 10/07/2012 23:18

Read what A bit wobbly said again, FattyWatty. She has got it bang on I reckon. Your weight has never bothered him before. He's met another woman and had an opportunity to cheat on you and is trying to pass the blame onto you/your weight rather than admit he's done the dirty, so to speak. If I'm being very kind to your H then could say he's looking for a reason/excuse to himself...but even if that is the case, in the process he's chosen to attack an obvious and understandably sensitive spot for you and that is not on and not even true.

Binfullofsiliconelimbsonthe45 · 10/07/2012 23:25

And if he's trying to get you to accept obligations to change yourself with the promise of possibly winning him back, then he's even more of a despicable little turd.

I know it's hard, but you have to find away of cutting him out of your life, not listening to the poison and finding your way forward.

Good luck x

CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake · 10/07/2012 23:27

The reason he said it is because he knows it will hurt you and knock your confidence so you are unlikely to want to meet anyone else and may still be there him when the skanky cow other woman gets bored of him.
He is an arse.

Hopefully you won't listen to him and one day you can move on be happy.

Be kind to yourself.

Catrin · 10/07/2012 23:29

Oh, please don't listen to that. Whether you are or are not overweight is so not the issue. When men leave, as the whole of MN will attest, they come out fighting and just say mean things to try and justify their standpoint.
FWIW - my 'D'H said similar (amongst other things). I was, at the time, a size 8. I had lost 3 stone of baby weight a few years previously, going from a 14. Apparently, I was still too fat to be attractive. He is now the STBXH.

MadAboutHotChoc · 11/07/2012 08:40

Looks has nothing to do with it - look at celebrity footballers who cheat on their beautiful slim wives.

I would move on and start rebuilding a better life.

Guiltypleasures001 · 11/07/2012 09:19

OOO he walked out the door with your self esteem as well as the ow, my what a busy boy he's been.

I think its time you took back the power hun, repeat after me

" fuck you and the horse you rode in on" now then head up, shoulders back, and tits out. Like one poster has already said, youve lost soooo much weight already, and forgive me for saying this, you look much better for it.

now phone a friend and go shopping, new frock,new man, whatever takes your fancy.

PrimaBallerina · 11/07/2012 09:29

Everyone is quite right - Shodan putting it the best.

Please cut all contact with him and change your username to something fabulous.

It will get better.