ExP says the reason he left me is cos im fat-is this the truth?

[FattyWatty]

Ex walked out on me a few weeks ago after five years together, no kids. He left for a OW i had no idea about. After talking through why he left, he said the bottom line was that although he thought i was pretty and a nice person, he didn't want me sexually as he preferred to have sex with a slimmer woman. He thought he could get over it but he couldn't.

Now i am overweight, a size 20 but he never mentioned to me that this bothered him, when we met i was a size 16 so i haven't put on that much weight! He has always said he prefers curvy women and isn't particularly a looker himself (could lose a few pounds, bad teeth).

This has really got to me-could this really be the reason he buggered off? Or is he just trying to shift the blame?

And the OP wasn't asking for 'health advice'. We all know to have our five a day and not eat blocks of lard... She was looking for a bit of TLC!

Look i dont want to cause a fight!!! Thank you all for your responses, of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion, i understand that. I suppose i just wanted some validation, im feeling pretty shit at the moment as he has made me feel like i pushed him to cheating on me because of my weight.

Im devastated, he did the dirty on me and is trying to blame me for it :(

What a terribly sad thread.
Not liking your partner's weight, clothes, attitude or personal habits should be the start of a conversation (which may lead to changes or may lead to the end of the relationship) - it should not be seen as an excuse for having an affair.

symfem Again, yes, the OP did frame it as a question but she also clearly explained that her weight had never been mentioned, never mind raised as an issue of concern until after her DP had gone off and shagged someone else.

Even if you think that is acceptable behaviour seeing as this is Relationships do you not think you could have expressed your opinion in a way less likely to cause the OP distress? Have you no empathy?

OP I'm so sorry your thread has descended into this. Take care.

FW YOU are not causing a fight, YOU didn't 'push' him into cheating on you.

I'm really sorry you've had some less than supportive responses to your post and I would like to offer some unMN {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

I'm stuggling to understand why this thread seems to have descended into a row about whether the OP should lose weight or not. The issue here is that her ex left her, without warning, for another woman; no explanation until afterwards, and a piss poor explanation at that. He could just as easily have said that he thought she should be tidier or he didn't like her cooking. It's the same load of bollocks regardless of the reason, given that instead of sitting the OP down and saying that he/they had a problem, he just upped and shagged someone else, and then decided to blame her.

I too am a size 20. I KNOW it isn't good for my health. I've tried countless times to do something about it but here I am, almost back to my heaviest ever. Thankfully I'm married to a man who doesn't think that's a good reason to screw around.

OP, I'm sorry this has happened to you, but I really think that you'll be better off without the idiot if that's the sort of rubbish he spouts. If you want to lose weight, well great, go for it and good luck - but please do it for yourself and not because of what some scrote has said to you.

OP be really kind to yourself at the minute and give time for the shock to sink in. You'll find lots of help on here from people - maybe start a new thread about 'rebuilding' things and moving forwards? There are some really good posters who have been through this and will give you lots of great advice.

And I'm with Mothership - an {{{{unmumsnetty hug}}}} :o

It wasn't your fault at all.

When someone decides they'd prefer to be with/shag someone else there is NOTHING you can do about it. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world and he'd probably still have done it. Look at all the stunning celebrities who get cheated on.

It's just an excuse. And even if it is something he really think he could bloody well keep it to himself seeing as he's hurting you so much by leaving you anyway. How is it constructive you tell you that? He is horrible.

well you have just lost at least 15 stone by him fucking off so by my thoughts you must be at least a size 8 by now

As I am sure others have said: No, he left you because he is a wanker.

Wow, symfem and cherie, you do seem to have an issue or two around other people's body sizes! Symfem, I'm sure it will be fine to say you are grossly narrow-minded.

Please will the pair of you take your tunnel vision off to a slimming thread and leave OP to grieve celebrate the lying, cheating coward's exit from her life?

No I think hes just an arse

its not like you were a size 10, a size 16 is pretty voluptuous to begin with , A 20 isn't a huge difference.

The idiots who are obsessed with your weight are confusing two things. Correlation does not mean causation!! Idiots, if FW was cheated on because she is fat (in your view), then why were

Halle Berry
Sandra Bullock
Shania Twain, etc
All at MN who are size 12 or less

cheated on? And, should Irene get rid of her fat balding kind DH in your idiot world?

Please stop promulgating this stupid idea that problems in the marriage cause cheating. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.
Issues in marriage are dealt with by three things: honesty, taking responsiblity and empathy - all encompassed by the word MATURITY.

There is only one thing that causes cheating: and that is the personality issues of THE CHEATER.

FW, if it is any comfort, my H told me whilst he was cheating that I was a bad wife and that I had let him down. Yes, those were my sins. From the person who brought OW into our house, and who lapped up her compliments of what a wonderful professional he was, whilst THEY BOTH KNEW he was in fact a deceiver and a betrayer. He lapped up the compliments of someone HE KNEW was helping him deceive. She BELIEVED him when he told her the reason he was doing what he was doing, was that his wife didn't care about him... notice anything defective in any of that? Yes, FW, I was being blamed for the actions and decisions of two other people. It's magical, the power we have to 'make' people do things...

You cannot take seriously a single word or thought that comes out of their twisted heads.

Like I said. If you want to do something about being size 20, do it for you. But him? You are well rid. If he ever comes back, tell him it has to be with a full mouth of sparkling pearlies. Which would set his selfish arse back about £3,000 ...

Oh how I laughed at the largest ironing pile in former friends house when she worked pt, after she married the man who had a useless full time working wife with four dc. I remember asking why he was cheating and being told it was because his wife never did much ironing. She later told me she thought he cheated on her.

The problem in the marriage is the cheat.

Garlic, as i asked others, please highlight anything offensive i said. If not stop talking shite and getting offended for the sake of it.

"...some women hook a man and then go to pot.

He loved you for who you are, not what you let yourself become"

Well, this is pretty vile.

Synfem and Cherie i bet if the OPs now ex DH got ill and the OW didnt want to look after him and he then came crawling back to the OP to be looked after,im willing to bet her weight would suddenly cease to be an issue!

Synfem and Cherie i think its time to cancel your subscriptions to Closer magazine!

OP i highly recommend that you read Caitlin Morans book "How to be a Woman paying particular attention to Chapter 6. She explains very well how attitudes like those of Synfems and Cheries have permeated our society.

Yep, Soup, that was Symfem's first post to OP!

Shortly to be followed by "He could be doing her a favour by pointing out her weight problem" - which, in case you didn't know, symfem, disparaged the OP and her feelings, supported her ex's feeble excuse for cheating and made the problem (your word) all about her weight.

Don't know about you, but I was taught it's very rude to criticise someone's appearance. Especially when they didn't ask your opinion on it.

"The simple fact is size 20 is grossly overweight, can very likely lead to serious/fatal health problems, and can be sexually unattractive to some men." - in your opinion. It sin't very likely to lead to fatal health conditions. That is a fallacy. You were rude to call OP 'gross'. And, still, this is NOT A SLIMMING THREAD. When you want to slap down people for their body shape, you should do it on appropriate threads. Though I don't know why you ant to do it at all!

After picking apart OP's response to you, in which you again disparaged her clearly hurt feelings, you went on with "So what we are saying is stating facts, some men dont like overweight women, being overweight can be bad for you, is rude and nasty." As you've repeatedly asked for this to be clarified: yes. It is rude and nasty. OP has not asked anyone's opinion on her body shape. She has asked whether her ex was being an arse.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm fed up with answering your fake plea for evidence.
Your posts here have been nasty, ill-mannered and irrelevant.

Ok honestly, yes it could be the reason he buggered off.
And yes at a size 20 you are overweight/fat whatever you want yo call it.

However if that is the reason he buggered off then hes very shallow and quite frankly someone you can do without.
We love people for who they are, how they make us feel, enjoyment we share. Not what they look like!
Enjoy finding a new partner who loves you for you

Kick when down.

If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.