ExP says the reason he left me is cos im fat-is this the truth?

[FattyWatty]

Ex walked out on me a few weeks ago after five years together, no kids. He left for a OW i had no idea about. After talking through why he left, he said the bottom line was that although he thought i was pretty and a nice person, he didn't want me sexually as he preferred to have sex with a slimmer woman. He thought he could get over it but he couldn't.

Now i am overweight, a size 20 but he never mentioned to me that this bothered him, when we met i was a size 16 so i haven't put on that much weight! He has always said he prefers curvy women and isn't particularly a looker himself (could lose a few pounds, bad teeth).

This has really got to me-could this really be the reason he buggered off? Or is he just trying to shift the blame?

Well most medical professionals would. And i would value their opinion based on fact and evidence over you believing what you want to believe.

Lucky escape Fatty! And cease all contact with him.

And lordy - get a new name.

Op (yes change your name!) Some posters very much seem to have their own agendas/issues at play here.
I have been thinking about if dh gained weight, would I just leave him for someone else? No, I am pretty sure I wouldn't. If I was concerned about his health I would broach the subject, tactfully.
It is so obvious to anyone with an ounce of sense that this catch of the century is using anything as an excuse. He is appeasing his own guilt. Let him, his dodgy teeth and his lucky new woman go, he is acting like a toddler.

Sorry, but Cherie and Symfem you are so tough and uncompromising i suppose that you are prefect in every way?

I just expected that someone who i had shared five years of my life with would have the decency to let me know that my weight was a problem for him before he shagged someone else. If he did i would have done something about it as i loved him very much.

Again, fat bashing is evident on this thread, god forbid that i put on two stone!-how revolting, how disgusting, how awful, what a pig i am. Never mind every else i did for him, loved him, supported him, looked after him, gave him my respect, im fat so i deserved to be dumped! :)

Thank you LizzyLou, a voice of reason!

Puffin its gonna be really dull for everyone on this thread if you keep going on about some OTHER thread where you didn't agree with me

If you don't agree with me re THIS thread fair enough, but just going on about the fact that you disagreed with me before is going to get old! can we get back to the OP now?

you seem to quite like labouring a point too Cherie!

at least its a point related to the actual thread we are on!

"Lucky escape Fatty! And cease all contact with him.

And lordy - get a new name."

god do, when I first read this I though MrsCampbellBlack was being horrible!

Whether a size 20 is "grossly overweight" would very much depend on your height and no a medical professional would not use such terminology.

Anyway its irrelevant. Nothing is an excuse to cheat on your partner. If you ate unhappy for any reason, you leave and start again. A decent person might try to resolve issues before this point or at the very least leave with some dignity and not be mean.

My father was married to my mum for 35 years without seeming to have a problem with her weight. Then he announced that (amongst other issues) she was too fat. My mum lost weight and my dad left anyway. He was trying to find a reason to leave that wad.my mums fault. He wad most confused when she addressed the issued he raised. But then she wad a decent human being who was labouring under the illusion their marriage was salvageable. He is a fuckwit.

You don't love him, you love someone who looks like him but lives in your head. The real him is a mean arsenic.

To be fair Cherie (didn't see other thread) you do seem to be projecting your own (completely unrelated) experiences here.

Symfem do you realise you sound like a really really nasty person? You should be ashamed at what you have said on this thread, which you will no doubt disingenously claim is "honesty".
My partner lost over 30lb, happy for him but I don't fancy him more as a result and if he puts in back on I certainly won't fancy him less. Because I'm not a shallow twat.

OP I'm not fat bashing, its about mindset, like I said 2 people can be the same size, and only one sees a problem and the other is going to let the problem escalate and keep creaping on, the former you can support and stand by, the latter.. much harder to live with! Even though they may be the same size, in relationship terms its a very different kettle of fish

Lizzylou I doubt I'm the only person in the world who wouldn say that over eating isn't unrealated to any other addictive or destructive behaviour! especially when it comes to living with someone with such a problem!

A mean arse!

Im sorry but how is saying that medical professionals would consider you grossly overweight and that you are damaging your health tough and uncompromising.
No one said you were revolting or horrendous, your words, not ours, no one fat bashed. Perhaps its a sense of your own feelings you are projecting using those terms.

I'm sorry you're hurting OP. I haven't read the whole thread but I'm sure you've been told to tell him to fuck right off.

Having been in a similar situation, i can empathise. My ex said some vile things to me, used all my insecurities against me as his reasons not to be with me. When really he was shagging the child minder.

Cherie the op has already said that her ex was not exactly whippet thin! The fact remains that if you are genuinely concerned about your partner's health you speak with them, help them. You don't just go and dip your wick elsewhere and fire off nasty parting salvos.

Now this post:

Add message | Report | Message poster Cheriefroufrou Wed 11-Jul-12 20:39:29
"Lucky escape Fatty! And cease all contact with him.

And lordy - get a new name."

god do, when I first read this I though MrsCampbellBlack was being horrible!

did make me smile

OP - I think there are two things here. If my partner had put on lots of weight then I may not find him attractive. In that scenario I would gently suggest doing exercise together to hopefully make both of us healthier. Your P did none of that, he merely shagged around and is now trying to blame you. He's a cunt.

I would shed some weight (if you want to) for you, to feel healthier in yourself and get your self esteem up.

Well the OP doesn't sound like an overeater - she has gone up 2 sizes in 5 years. That isn't unusual once you pass a certain age! And OP has stated that she does lots of exercise etc etc. I don't think he left her for another woman as a wake up call

He told you this because he wants to hurt you and justify his decision to cheat. I'm sure he's told OW - and she'll probably be paranoid about putting on weight now!

Look after yourself OP - you don't need him! And change your name!!

medics talk in terms of BMI, they don't use terms like grossly overweight which are subjective.

FFS - OP has just been left by her husband..give her a break. If her husband left for another woman and now wants to come back or is swithering then it's likely to have been opportunistic. Yes OP has told us that she is overweight and her H has thrown that at her as an excuse for his straying. But there's tons of women on here (me among them) whose are not overweight and whose H's were still unfaithful because....erm....they had the opportunity and they took it, or because they met someone else and 'fell in love' or because they thought with their dicks or whatever. Why don't we give her a bit of support rather than castigating her for being obese by clinical or other standards?

I don't see the relevance symfem? Whatever you think op's partner not previously mentioned any problem with her weight. And having an issue with any aspect of your partner is not an excuse to cheat. If you don't like it and they won't do anything about it, then you leave - you don't shag around and whine about how someone else made you do it.