ExP says the reason he left me is cos im fat-is this the truth?

[FattyWatty]

Ex walked out on me a few weeks ago after five years together, no kids. He left for a OW i had no idea about. After talking through why he left, he said the bottom line was that although he thought i was pretty and a nice person, he didn't want me sexually as he preferred to have sex with a slimmer woman. He thought he could get over it but he couldn't.

Now i am overweight, a size 20 but he never mentioned to me that this bothered him, when we met i was a size 16 so i haven't put on that much weight! He has always said he prefers curvy women and isn't particularly a looker himself (could lose a few pounds, bad teeth).

This has really got to me-could this really be the reason he buggered off? Or is he just trying to shift the blame?

AFTER he met someone else!

Cherie She's a size 20, not 40, and yes I know that's not a healthy weight but assuming she's on a self destruct path is just a little extreme. And he never even mentioned it before he went off and shagged someone else and needed an excuse for his shitty behaviour.

Really do you think the OP came on here so people could trash her (obviously low self esteem) even further by agreeing with the toe rag who dumped her?????

I'm not assuming its the same, I'm just offering it as a possibility
I'd find it very hard to watch a partner become a size 20. it is a serious size in terms of health, its not a sexual attraction thing it would be the health thing for me, and the fact that the person you love is destroying their own health/body

and the partner I am compairing it do DID drink when we met, but the drinkng changed, so I can see how while its only a few sizes up, it could represent a big escalation in health habits

I'm not trashing her

If he dumped her and said it was because she was drinking too much would it not be worth thinking "hmm am I?" before just declaring him a twat
its the same for abuse of food IMO

Thank for you all your responses.

I must say I found some of them rather upsetting- after five years and love and support from me, he decides to fuck off and leave me for someone else, without even discussing with me that he had a problem with my weight. He literally NEVER told me there was a problem. If he had i may have done something about it.

I can never quite understand why people hate fat people so much, other prejudices such as racism, xenophobia, sexism etc are frowned upon by society, there is a level of sympathy and understanding when people talk about drug and drink addiction. But when someone is fat there really is that deep loathing, thinking people are greedy and lazy, people feel that they can pick on fat people and it is acceptable, many people really do think it it is the worst thing you can be.

I am an intelligent, thoughtful person, people say i am pretty, i wear nice clothes, i have a good job, and nice home and car, i have wonderful friends and family, i do charity work etc yet because i am fat i am made to feel like it is acceptable that someone i loved and cared for can just walk out on me without any concern for my feelings- i let myself go so i deserve it.

If that is what some of you really think then shame on you, as a woman i want to be valued for my inner qualities and what i have accomplished in my life, and how i have enriched the lives of others, not for something as fleeting as outer beauty.

Thank you so much for those who offered me support x

Blame shift.

If that was the issue he would have left you and then found someone else.

OK, Cherie but nothing the OP has posted in any way suggests that this piece of work is at all concerned for her health of happiness so I think it's about as far fetched (although possible) as fairies at the end of the garden and the last thing that the OP needs to hear right now!

Right OP Change your username Now!!!

Remember you are intelligent, thoughtful and pretty so don't believe the crap this waste of space is spouting and find yourself some one who appreciates and deserves you!

Marilyn Monroe was not a size 16. That's a myth. She had an hourglass figure but was certainly not a British size 16. Most of her costumes come in at a UK size 8 or 10. Google her measurements; definitely no bigger than a UK 10.

Some people do 'go off' their partners. The manner in which your ex told you this OP was heartless and I agree with others that he should have explained how he felt before looking elsewhere.

I think as someone said i am a size 20 not 40 !!

I am 38 and have never had any health problems EVER...... i hardly even get a cold. Most of my slimmer friends are always popping pills and moaning about being ill with something or other, i on the other hand have rosy cheeks, glowing skin and a happy outlook on life! I cycle twice a week and swim once and week and enjoying socialising, if i want to eat pasta and chocolate cake i do!

Look i know i need to lose a couple of stone, but in the grand scheme of things is that really that important?- If i met a guy who was wonderful and i really loved but he needed to lose a few stone would that make me leave him? No definitely not!

No definitely not the reason. I'm so sorry you've been hurt by this.

My DH of 30 years is overweight, bald, wrinkled and unfit.

From some of the advice on this thread I should obviously kick him in to touch and look for a better model. Poor DH, his kind nature and patience count for nowt.

It's not important as long as YOU are happy with it. Stuff what anyone else says.

However.... if you are more than a couple of stone overweight it will eventually have health implications. These are always worthy of consideration. But that's YOUR consideration, not some skanky bloke with bad teeth.

"If i met a guy who was wonderful and i really loved but he needed to lose a few stone would that make me leave him? No definitely not!"

I don't think anyone thinks IN ADVANCE that they would, its a different thing all together watching it happen

You sound like a lovely, capable and genuine woman.
Do not waste anymore of your energy mourning the demise of this relationship. He is shallow, cruel and cowardly and just trying to justify his lack of morals.

Cheriefroufrou Wed 11-Jul-12 19:13:13
"If i met a guy who was wonderful and i really loved but he needed to lose a few stone would that make me leave him? No definitely not!"

I don't think anyone thinks IN ADVANCE that they would, its a different thing all together watching it happen

My DH watched me go up to a size 20 over 10 year and 2 kids, he didn't seem to feel the need to shag someone else and then tell me it was my own fault for getting fat. He also supported me when I decided to loose some weight.

The weight was used as something to transfer blame it was NOT raised out of concern for the OP.

PLEASE can you let it go.

Ok cherie as you seem intent on labouring your point into infinity. Why didn't he tell he while it was happening if this was the case? If he was soooo concerned why did he wait until he had a replacement for the OP before mentioning her weight as being an issue?

"My DH watched me go up to a size 20 over 10 year and 2 kids, he didn't seem to feel the need to shag someone else and then tell me it was my own fault for getting fat. He also supported me when I decided to loose some weight"

well no neither did mine, but like you I didn't let it escalate indefinitely and did eventually loose it, its not about the size its about the mindset - two people can both be an unhealthy size, but one will have a destructive mind set that is impossible to live with and the other wont - don't you see the difference? addictive BEHAVIOUR is what I'ld find hard to live with not actual size

anyway since he didn't raise it first it is probably just lashing out, although when I was in a position with someone doing something unhealthy I was so worn down by it that by the end it did prob come out as lashing out by the time it broke me/us. In the middle of it I felt being positive and complimenting the good things would help more then saying "look at what you are doing"
so this thread could be about me!

OP - you sound strong, and capable. You are better off without him.
I am genuinely shocked by the harshness and lack of compassion that come across from a few nasty poster!

OP you deserve so much better.

This is the problem here. Myopia. Someone offers anything other than a poor you, he is a twunt and they are jumped on.

O.P we didnt denigrate fat people the way you suggest. Didnt even use the word. The simple fact is size 20 is grossly overweight, can very likely lead to serious/fatal health problems, and can be sexually unattractive to some men. No questioned you as a person or your qualities, but partners want physical as well as other attractions.

I agree with wobbly and sgb. He wants to exculpate himself and put you in your place by saying this. As he could have expressed concern before leaving you for another woman, if he genuinely was concerned.

stop having a different view point to you?
err..

Symfem- im sorry but i don't agree that a size 20 is GROSSLY (please note the use of that word) overweight, i really don't.

thing is, in that case he COULDN'T really have been supportive and raised it before, because you cannot support someone with a problem that they don't see as a problem.