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Original poster

ExP says the reason he left me is cos im fat-is this the truth?

227 replies

FattyWatty · 10/07/2012 22:43

Ex walked out on me a few weeks ago after five years together, no kids. He left for a OW i had no idea about. After talking through why he left, he said the bottom line was that although he thought i was pretty and a nice person, he didn't want me sexually as he preferred to have sex with a slimmer woman. He thought he could get over it but he couldn't.

Now i am overweight, a size 20 but he never mentioned to me that this bothered him, when we met i was a size 16 so i haven't put on that much weight! He has always said he prefers curvy women and isn't particularly a looker himself (could lose a few pounds, bad teeth).

This has really got to me-could this really be the reason he buggered off? Or is he just trying to shift the blame?

OP posts:
StrokemyForehead · 11/07/2012 09:43

I don't come back to this board very often but I had to answer this post.

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS MAN.

If you do it will bore away at your self image and you could end up in a cycle of trying to better yourself to get him back mistake I did this and it wore me down mentally.

I tried to be thinner, funnier, smarter, sexier, grow my hair (yes seriously he said that he wanted a woman with longer hair - could not wait the few months for me to grow it Hmm)

DO not waste your time or your soul on this man. Who sounds like an utter arse rat by the way.
Sorry he has hurt you Brew

shinecrazydiamond · 11/07/2012 12:39

Why are you still talking to him if you have no children?

Stop giving him opportunities to hurt you. Do you REALLY need him to bang on ad infinitum about all the reasons he left you? And I sincerely hope you told him that he just pipped you to the post - gazing at his ugly mug and rotting teeth were no longer doing it for you .....

GenericNameChange · 11/07/2012 13:25

Even if it's true, do you really want to be with someone who thinks telling you you're fat is a perfectly reasonable excuse to leave you? What, is he 12?

It says so much about him. You are far, far better off rid of him. Please do yourself a favour and bin him off. He doesn't deserve you, he's a waste of skin. Whether you're 10 stone or 50 stone, nobody has the right to make you feel bad about yourself and someone who really cared about you wouldn't.

wfhmumoftwo · 11/07/2012 13:52

if it was me, i'd lose loads of weight (for me to make me healthier), get a fantastic new hairdo, loads of new stunning clothes in the new slimmer, confident version of me, and then when he sees how fabulous i look and wants to come running back i would tell him where to shove it and find a decent man to be with!

Your weight 'could' have been an issue for him, but after 5 years of a relationship the least he could have done is try to talk to you about it if it had been, rather than just run off with another woman and then blame you!

TBH i might be a little put off if my husband put on lots of weight (not that you have!) but i would talk to him and see what we could both do to help him lose it

Get rid. If YOU are not happy with your weight then do something about it (for you) If you are happy then bollocks to him.

Your ex sounds like an arse and is just making things up to get you to shoulder the blame for his own appalling behaviour.

symfem · 11/07/2012 14:06

Maybe its true. Size twenty isnt appealing to all men. Thats the bother, some women hook a man and then go to pot.

He loved you for who you are, not what you let yourself become

shinecrazydiamond · 11/07/2012 14:16

Oh dear symfem - that's not very sisterly now is it?

akaemmafrost · 11/07/2012 14:22

Probably true symfem for SOME shallow people.

Not the kind of man I would like to be with, so personally I think you've had a lucky escape OP.

Best poem I've ever read shodan Grin

Tanith · 11/07/2012 14:46

Sorry - just laughed out loud at Purplepidgin's post Grin Grin

Do, do tell your ex this, and Shodan's excellent retort.
His behaviour has nothing whatsoever to do with your weight.

NotAnAxeMurderer · 11/07/2012 14:59

Like everyone else said. He's trying to deflect the blame onto you, so you'll magically forget the fact he shagged about behind your back.

What a cock.

Good luck OP, you're faaar better off without this loser in your life.

puds11 · 11/07/2012 15:34

My ex told me the reason we split up (very recently) was because i had gotten fat and ugly. I'm a size 10 so i guess that it can be the reason why someone would leave. Sorry Sad, he's blatently a prick though, so your better off without him.

JuliaScurr · 11/07/2012 15:35

no, it's because he's a git

symfem · 11/07/2012 15:39

Frost. He should stay with her even though she isnt attractive to him. Would you offer same advice to a woman if tables were turned.

solidgoldbrass · 11/07/2012 15:55

OK, everyone has the right to dump a partner, even if the partner is hurt by being dumped. If you no longer want to be in a relationship, it's fine to leave.
However, decent ethical people do this as kindly as possible. (with the exception of those leaving abusive partners, in which case fuck their feelings, just get clear of them).

I think that what this man actually wants is for you to carry on cooking and cleaning for him while not complaining if he has or seeks sex with other women. He doesn't want to lose his home comforts, but he doesn't want to be monogamous - and he does't think your feelings matter very much as long as his are gratified.

TheFidgetySheep · 11/07/2012 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

symfem · 11/07/2012 15:59

He left her. Did she mention he wanted to stay ?
Size twenty is unhealthy and could lead to serious problems. He could be doing her a favour by pointing out her weight problem

akaemmafrost · 11/07/2012 16:05

Did I say that symfem? Can't seem to see that in my brief post.

No one should stay in relationships they are not happy with but there is no be such a spiteful twat when ending it. Clearly if that was the REAL reason and he was a kind respectful man he would have given her the heads up on it? And a chance to sort it out. Not dumped her for someone else and then put the blame squarely on her own shoulders.

That's the difference. HTH.

Yogii · 11/07/2012 18:11

Symfem is right.

14-16 is curvy, 20+ is enormous.

Some can look past it, others can't.

He could be telling the truth.

Use thefidge's line on him though, it's a good one.

Cheriefroufrou · 11/07/2012 18:14

it could be true, I would find it very hard to continue to watch a loved one with an addiction that could kill them, that would include food addictions.

I've loved someone deeply but had a limit of how much I could watch their health go downhill because of alcohol so I imagine that no matter how much I'ld love someone I'ld have a similar limit to how much I could watch someone damage their own body with food

Cheriefroufrou · 11/07/2012 18:16

oh and I said it was because of the addiction that I had reached my limit in the hope that it might shock him into action (Cause nothing I did/said when with him helped) - and it did actually!

If his addiction had been food I'ld have said it too with the same motive

shinecrazydiamond · 11/07/2012 18:22

There is nothing wrong with leaving someone because you do not find them attractive.

It's quite something else to hurt them deliberately though isn't it?

akaemmafrost · 11/07/2012 18:29

Hmm and OP's weight only seems to have become a problem AFTER he found someone else Hmm. It had never been mentioned previously. Funny that.

So it seems to me that he is just a selfish self justifying twunt.

Greatauntirene · 11/07/2012 18:36

Not the brightest tool in the box is he?

Finds a shag on the side.

Decides to leave DW.

Feeling guilty (and probably having second thoughts) so blames DW.

Then wonders if maybe he shouldn't go after all/ or maybe he should...

If he's swithering already he will probably decide in the end to return. Thank goodness you now know what a twat he is OP and can tell him where to go as you have moved on.

RoloTamasi · 11/07/2012 18:36

"But we all forget: the most beautiful woman in the world (Marilyn Monroe) was a size 16"

Marilyn Monroe had a 22 inch waist.

MothershipG · 11/07/2012 18:40

OMFG! I can't believe some of these posts! If he was any thing other than a nasty fuckwit he wouldn't have gone off with another woman and then told the OP it was her fault for being fat!!!

If he loved her and was concerned about her health he would have stayed and supported her and encouraged them to get more healthy together. Is that what he did??? Oh, no he went and shagged someone else. Angry

Cheriefroufrou · 11/07/2012 18:43

Mothership you've obviously never lived with anyone on a self destruct path Sad You can't support someone who won't be helped or help themselves

may not be what the OPs ex felt, but could be

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