ExP says the reason he left me is cos im fat-is this the truth?

[FattyWatty]

Ex walked out on me a few weeks ago after five years together, no kids. He left for a OW i had no idea about. After talking through why he left, he said the bottom line was that although he thought i was pretty and a nice person, he didn't want me sexually as he preferred to have sex with a slimmer woman. He thought he could get over it but he couldn't.

Now i am overweight, a size 20 but he never mentioned to me that this bothered him, when we met i was a size 16 so i haven't put on that much weight! He has always said he prefers curvy women and isn't particularly a looker himself (could lose a few pounds, bad teeth).

This has really got to me-could this really be the reason he buggered off? Or is he just trying to shift the blame?

Ok not grossly overweight, how about obese, the correct term. The fact that she labels herself fatty would indicate that her bmi is not good.

Now can anyone point out nasty comments i made, or is not offering unprecedented support deemed nasty these days

The OPs partner has just left her and she's devastated! Yes a bit of support and kind words would not go amiss, not basically backing the bastard up.
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OP I think you need to detach totally from this man, especially if he tries to worm his way back into your life which he probably will when he realises OW doesn't have a gold-plated fanjo.

If he had an issue with your weight he has had five years to raise it with you. As others have said he is looking for a reason to justify his twuntish behaviour. Don't you dare feel bad about yourself!

Weight is a very personal issue and it's up to you to decide what weight you want to be. If your 'D'P loved you the supportive thing to do would be to talk to you honestly and help you make any changes you were comfortable making. At that point if you wanted to be size 20 and he had honestly told you he found you unattractive then you would both have had to make a choice.

But that's not what happened and you know it. He knows you are a lovely person and he knows he has been a complete dickhead. He said the lowest, nobbiest thing he could think of to try and make you seem contemptible - he's the only person in your relationship worthy of contempt. You are better off without this man.

I was being ironic with the username symfem, my BMI is 28 which is classed as overweight not obese.

I would like the ones who are being rude to the OP to post photos of themselves so we can have a good look at how perfect they are.

And symfem et al this is relationships, not AIBU. If you want a catfight why don't you go to a different thread? The OP has posted here for a bit of kindness and TLC. You are not being helpful. Her weight is a red herring, thrown in to shift guilt by a horrible man who knows he has behaved like a cock.

its not a catfight, read the title, it is a question not a hand hold request, there will be varying answers. If it was just handholding the OP was after then a handholding title would probably have got exclusively that

I am at some of the posts here. The OP came on here for some support, empathy and kindness and some of you are unbelievable.

He's being a dick and trying to take the heat off himself OP. It sounds like you will be happier without him in the long term if he is capable of this cruelty and cowardliness.

And you sound just the type of person I would like to be friends with. Look after yourself :)

x post Angelico

It's always the same when it's a weight-related topic. Some people have issues around the subject which make them pretty unpleasant :(

Thank you Angelico, i really appreciate your support xxxx

LookBehind, exactly it must be hard for some being so perfect, not everyone can match up to their standards!

Kew. Would she be receptive. When presented with fact here she lashed out with false accusations and a rant. If a loved one did it would she listen or would we have a thread, my basterd partner said i need to lose weight, with the chorus quickly singing in agreement

Thank you Fizzy :)

Where have i been rude or nasty, fatty, look or x kitty.
Now stick to what was posted not what you want to believe

Stick to what's posted? Lol are you my mum? What you posted was hugely unkind and unsupportive, and you presence on a thread in relationships, where a vulnerable person is posting presumably in a great deal of emotional pain, is about as helpful as a punch in the tits.

I would never put 'hold my hand' in my title thread in this situation. I wouldn't think I would NEED to if my partner of 5 years had shagged someone else then told me it was my fault for being fat I would expect some handholding as part of common human decency

Cherie you gave me some good advice on my thread but I can't agree with you on this one. And OP I really hope you are okay. Get some RL support - you sound lovely and I hope you have lots of people rallying around you.

But I STRONGLY suspect twatman will come crawling back in the near future - and having seen his true colours you are MUCH better off without him unless he is prepared to do a lot of soul searching and grovelling.

yep bmi of 28 isn't obese. which is why the whole dress size malarkey is misleading. when I was a size 20 my bmi was a lot higher than 28!

You've just labelled yourself as rude Symfem. I don't think I mentioned you.

As Angelico said this is not AIBU!

It's relationships so even if the OP framed her post as a question do you really think she wanted a critique of her weight??? Of course not!

symfem & Cherrie the OP has now really clearly expressed her wish not to have a discussion about her size so if you can't bring yourselves to be supportive can you please just stop commenting.

OP I am really saddened by some of the responses you've had, please don't pay any attention to them.

So what we are saying is stating facts, some men dont like overweight women, being overweight can be bad for you, is rude and nasty.

Symfem, i most certainly would be receptive, the point is he never gave me that chance. My weight is not a problem for me but i have been slimmer and could be that way again im sure.

If some men don't like overweight women then they shouldn't go out with them, should they? Not do so uncomplainingly for five years then chuck it in their faces on the way out the door after shagging someone else.

Mother. She asked the question, did he leave me because i was too fat. Im as qualified as anyone to answer yes or no to that.

If its not a problem for you, good, but dont accuse people of fat bashing when they say weight issues are bad for your health.

Symfem it's quite clear that OP's weight is a red herring. If he had a problem with her weight he should have told her, not used it as an excuse to shag someone else. Based on her post he never discussed this with her. He is therefore an arse.

No one likes to admit they're in the wrong but you're digging yourself into a hole here and basically defending a complete twat rather than saying "okay, maybe I was a bit harsh..."