DH doesn't want to have sex with me, but I want sex, what do I do?

[MrsRigby]

DH doesn't want to have sex with me. He has given me a couple of excuses, the latest being that he is tired. My problem with this excuse is that even when I'm tired I still want to have sex.

We had sex a few days before Christmas 2011, prior to this we hadn't had sex in about 2 years. This year, we have only had sex once.

Is this normal? What should I do?

I suppose the obvious is just buy a vibrator, but I'm a little embarressed about having to resort to a mechanical object to satisfy my needs when there is a penis in the house. Also, we have 2 young boys (3 and 1) and I don't really want to have to explain this to them when they find it, which they will.

I don't know how much everyone else wants sex or has sex so I don't know if this is normal.

I have a very high sex drive and constantly want sex.

I have very low self esteem because of this, I cry and feel depressed. I am only 32 and don't want to live the rest of my life as a nun or pretend to be a virgin.

nimpywindowmash DH says he need less stress, to lose weight and for our relationship to be better.

Does he even think its a problem?

Take a lover.

Presumably he'd be OK if he doesn't want to have sex with you.

malorymad thank you for understanding, this is affecting me deeply and I honestly don't know how long I can let it continue.

Do you genuinely believe the reasons that your Dh gives?

I had a partner like this well before dh - no dcs though so tirednesss and chance of another baby didn't come into it. Does he want another baby? You do, as you say, but does he? And I think men like to do the chasing - maybe its a power thing for him to.

eclecticshock he's interested in whats being said, which is fair enough considering he's being talked about!

Go for sex therapy together. Should be available via your GP. Good luck.

Would counselling help?

What does pretending to be a virgin entail OP? Strange thing to say when you are clearly not.

Why would your DC's find a vibrator? Difficult to believe that you have nowhere in your house that you can hide things from small children.

What is his opinion on your 'non-exsistant sex life'? You've asked for ours - and if you are a regular on here my guess is that you would have a good idea what response you would get.

All in all, as others have pointed out - odd. Very odd.

I agree mrsrigby... Without sounding harsh... Hopefully... Being hounded for sex is not very inducive to having sex. Try the book, he should take a look at it if possible. Does he have sexual urges at all? Has he ever?

hecateadonaea not really no. He says he does and he feels under pressure. He doesn't see my crying myself to sleep. He doesn't see me looking at houses to rent so that I can move out. He doesn't see me break down every five seconds in work. He doesn't care.

He's not offered to go the doctors and I don't think I'd want him to anyway.

When he used the depression excuse, I made him a doctors appointment and he told me I wasn't being understanding and that he didn't need to see a doctor.

I feel unwanted and unloved. I've never felt so miserable. I get the impression Im the ugliest woman in the world.

He once said he didn't like the way I tasted when giving me oral sex, so now I shower before we have sex.

He's not taking you seriously.

eclecticshock he says yes, he does find me sexually attractive, but he's not really going to say no is he?

eclecticshock yes, he thinks its a problem.

I thought you weren't having sex?

This thread is bollocks. OP is taking the piss.

athinginyourlife I would very much like to take a lover, and have asked DH about this, but he thinks a marriage should be monogomous. Sorry about my spelling.

susiedaisy no, they are excuses. I get the impression he doesn't like or want sex with me. Rather than be honest why he makes excuses.

Some people don't like oral sex...

perhaps he needs to see you crying yourself to sleep and looking at houses to rent.

perhaps he should read this thread. In fact, I think he needs to.

He is being utterly selfish. NOT for not wanting sex, that can happen to any of us, but for not caring how you feel, how unwanted you feel, and not being willing to do anything to see if this is something that can be sorted out.

Is your relationship good otherwise?

So what is his response now to all your candid comments re crying, leaving etc?

How did you have your children (if one is one year old and you only had sex once in over three years and it wasn't for that one)?

Why do you bother showering before sex if you don't have sex?

Bit puzzled.

Do think you should stop talking though, obviously it isn't helping at all. Perhaps moving out and being much happier might be a good solution.