The thread in which we all pray Johnny depp has signed up to POF - DATING THREAD 17!

[watchoutforthatsnail]

Here we go again....

yes, but only fools believe what is written on profiles :)

When we did the IE experiment back at the beginning of this year ( when we changed our profiles to ' intimate encounter' the number of men who contacted us, who had their profiles set to wanting a serious relationship, and blatered on about wanting to settle down, or being an ' honest man' or other such shite... yes, they were the ones mostly contacting us.
SHOCKING.

A profile is nothing, people can say what they want, i could set one up and tell people whatever the hell i wanted, it doesnt make it true.

Just text him, and dont worry about sounding neutoric, i mean, you have been seeing him for a while, surely you feel comftable enough to voice how you feel.

and dont even worry about the tone of the thread, thats what its here for! its not been all fab news and exciting stuff, there have been plenty of tears and upsets too :)

looking for a 'soul mate' on pof?
Oxymoron surely?

Suspect alot of guys use that line because they think they'll have a better chance of pulling..as opposed to being honest and saying they're looking for nsa?

Still I wasn't at all offended, I knew what you meant :) And I'm the same - if I get beyond a 3rd date or so with the ill one I wouldn't be seeing anyone else, but til then (and given that I never normally get beyond a first date) I'm keeping my options open!

As Watch says please dont think whatever is going on with Mr RN is in any way a reflection on you, it really isnt. Men are a bit odd and stupid sometimes, even the ones who seem normal. A lot of them say they are looking for a relationship but I think often either dont actually mean it (one guy said if he made it clear he didnt want any commitment no girl would speak to him!) and others have been single for so long I think they've forgotten what dating involves (I have met a few of these).

Wow, I didn?t know about the IE experiment ? no wonder there are so many cheating threads on here! I feel a bit better now! And here was me worrying in my early days of POF that ?wants to date but nothing serious? might give guys the wrong impression!

You?d think I?d feel comfortable after 3.5 months wouldn?t you but I don?t really. Maybe that in itself speaks volumes? I have held a lot back from him from day one tbh, through fear of getting hurt. I have been separated a year from my STBXH but he was EA and VA and I am VERY wary of giving too much of myself IYKWIM. I?ve felt like Mr R-N?s been a bit the same in terms of holding back which is probably a terrible combination. To be fair, he could quite easily think I?m not that interested because of how I?ve held back but I think I?m probably clutching at straws there. My problem is a massively unhealthy fear of rejection (thanks in part to the put-downs that my STBXH dished out). To confront this puts me right in the firing line. I know this and I also know that you can?t go through life without being rejected from time to time. I need to bite the bloody bullet don?t I?

Mercury I need to stop taking things at face value I think. I?m a too very trusting person!

Thanks sponge :)

I just can't help thinking about all the little things he's said that contradict this behaviour. Again, think this goes back to being too trusting and being a bit naive

I'd hate to think he's been stringing me along. That isn't really my gut feeling though.

i used to be trusting..that was before my internet dating 'adventures'
now i am a cynical misandrist loner who has no use for men unless they are good in bed:o
che serra (however it is you spell it)

Still - dont hate me, but have you maybe considered that you arent, emotionally ready to be dating yet?
It should be a fun experience, and really 3.5 months in, you should be floating on air.

I think a lot of us on here have suffered abuse in various forms in our previous relationships/ marriages. And it does take quite a long time to recover from that and build up your self esteem and self worth again.

Please dont hate me for saying that at all.....

and please dont blame his behaviour on the possibility you might be holding back. hes a grown up, he could have said somethng to you if that was the case, a man who doesnt communicate with you and instead looks to find another woman, is not one who you would want to be in a relationship with anyway.

And we were all naieve with dating once... which is why this thread is so good, collectivley we have a ton of experience :)

but yes, you need to bite the bullet :)

From internet dating for fucking years ( 3.8 or something) i take the same stance as mercury, and i dont tend to believe anything anyone SAYS but rather go on the ACTIONS. Mrl has been nice, but i didnt hold any weight to anything he said until fairly recently. Not because im making him suffer for past mens attitudes, but just because im protecting myself from bullshit :)

i feel comftable with MRL ( to the point that ive accidentally blown my nose on my hands in the shower, when hes showering with me... TWICE!!)
ive stropped at him once already :) he had a bit of a weird evening, which he was very sorry for... we talk, alot, but its about communication i think, and how you do that, that hopefully builds some kind of solid foundation.

Still I get what you mean, my Ex was EA (and physically on occasion) & spent years putting me down & telling me how ugly/fat/disgusting I was. My relationship ended a lot longer ago that yours but deep down I still have the same fear of rejection, and every date I have where they (inevitably) don't want to see me again I am reminded of my Ex telling me that I was worthless and no-one would ever want me (which of course I know is BS...)

as was mine. i got told i was ' hideous' for years... i stopped going out, felt ashamed to be seen in public at one point.
bollocks am i hideous, im actually quite fucking attractive :)
and i dont even care that as a british person we are meant to be modest and not say that kind of thing, but bollocks to that as well. im nearly 34 and i dont look half bad :)

my nose is not god awful, my eyes do not resemble piss holes in the snow and my hair is not like rats tails.

never was either. it was just my arse of an ex husband.

But its taken a long time for me to get back to myself and realise that it was never me, and it was him all along. I ' knew' that, but i didnt ' KNOW' it, if that makes sense.

We have been split up for coming up to 4 years..... it probably wasnt until last year that i felt like i do now....

point being, that maybe dating isnt right for you right now, and having some time to heal would be better... or at least having someone worship the ground you walk on, rather than being how mr n is being...

does seem be women who sustain the most damage from relationships...as in a car crash, the lighter car takes the impact :(

and yeah..talk is cheap
(doesnt bloody stop me analysing it tho! :( )

No it?s fine I really appreciate your honesty watch and yes, this has totally made me realise that I?m probably not really ready for a relationship which is why I was happy with how this was going until last night. He was meeting certain needs without all the emotional gubbins that goes with a proper relationship. The fact that he?s possibly looking elsewhere is gutting because I?m unlikely (I think) to find the same sort of thing again (minus the wandering eye obviously!)

Despite the putdowns (my ex had a ?loving? derogatory term for virtually every part of my body) Mr R-N had boosted my confidence on a physical level. He?s so damn hot and do you know what ? yeah, I am a catch and I can pull hot men! There I said it!

I?ve always known this doesn?t have legs, as I said yesterday, but I am a little sad that the void is potentially going to be wide open again. Better that and to keep my dignity though I guess. I hope to god I?m not one of these women that NEEDS a man. I predict a string of POF dating disasters in the not too distant? Stay tuned ladies :(

of course you will find the same sort of thing ( or actually better) why on earth would he be in the only man in the world who wanted that.
( and actually, it sounds like you do want something comitted, and exclusive, but still casual and slow)

POF disasters - we are all ace at those. I have had about 60 ish first dates, some of those have been god awful :) and i expect the number of men ive talked to must be at least 4 times that... and the numbers ive ignored, or just deleted.. fuck knows!

Thing is, they arent really disasters, its a very good way of helping you work out what you dont want, thus showing you want you do want.

ie - with MR RN - you thought you just wanted casual, now you realise that actually you might like more conatct and something exclusive... so, you dont settle for less than that...

I got a message through onto my phone, so curiosity got the better of me, we are now chatting. And erm, yep, tall, dark, blue eyes, fire fighter, tattoos muscles and erm 21 I am only 24 but yummy. He,lives in the area I grew up, chances are he was at the same school as all my male friends. Sounded perfect and knows I have a kid (he actually read my profile, rather than just look at my pics, which probably show a little more than they should (dont forget we should all be completely covered, no hint of cleavage or legs)

Right again watch! Seems I do want a bit more than I'd first thought.

I read somewhere that you have to date about 7 men before you find a decent one (think Mr R-N is about number 5) but your numbers blow that theory out of the water watch! ;)

I've been thinking a lot recently and what I definately probably need more than a man is some more bloody friends! I only really have one friend in RL and I believe that relationship is turning toxic :( She is the only friend I have in the same boat as me, everyone else is a smug married (and there aren't that many of them and we're not that close now anyway) so I lean heavily on her at times but I don't think she's in the best position to be advising me. I haven't told her about this latest development, I'm not convinced that she wouldn't enjoy seeing me falter a bit :(

I've tried mumsnet local - dead. There isn't that much traffic on the lone parents board (surprisingly) and I've looked at Gingerbread meet-ups - none near me. I've researched classes at college but all the fun/social type classes are in the daytime. I even looked up kick boxing last night as a way of meeting new people and also learning how to kick someone's ass! Something I might need if I'm to endure months, possibly years on POF but I'm to much of a wuss to go on my own!

Have any of you met new friends since being single? How/where did you do it?

my numbers arent that unusual either.....

re friends, its bloody hard. I moved to where i am now, 3.5 years ago. I moved not knowing anyone other than immediate family.

I am not a shy and retiriing type, but ive found it bloody hard. what with working, having a child, house responsibilities etc... its difficult and takes time. I dont know how old your child is, but playgroups and stuff? mind you i was working, so missed out on all that.... I now have ' friends' in this area. i wouldnt say any of them are close and i certianly wouldnt talk over personnal things with them. All my good friends live all over the place, comes with having been married to a serviceman - and i do sometimes miss them, that the lord for fb and emails. but it is what it is.

Mumsnet local isnt great in my area, and in any case i work, so time is difficult for me. no gingerbread in my area either.

I do believe there are various social sites, like city socialising, or spice or if you have a google, some will come up.

Your kick boxing sounds good ;) and its great you are recognising that and actually DOING something about it, thats huge, lots of people just moan and dont try and make changes, so be proud of yourself, you know :)

I think the friend thing just takes time, you cant race it. And some people you click with, and some you dont, and again, like dating, thats noones fault.

Still, have you thought that he might just be left logged in? As far as I remember on PoF, you're left logged in unless you actually actively log out? Or have I dreamt that?

If that's not the case, you will drive yourself mad checking whether he's online or not... it's really not worth it. Like Watch says, you should be on cloud nine in these early stages, not feeling all insecure and stuff. There are sooo many more out there that won't be sharking for other women while they're seeing you, I personally would bin him off.

still - and its only because ive been where you are now - that i know this stuff :)
and because of the awesome women on this board and all their experiences too.

we have all been there....

i agree with you all.STILL:internet dating is a challenge and it makes you stronger and aware of things men are capable of,what they say on their profile mostly are things to convinced us they are good but liars.I was chating to a guy for ages on pof and all the things he said abt himself b4 we started dating were all lies,you never know untill you start dating.There are a few good once on there but never believe everything they say.Is tempting too when they are fit and everything you look for in a man but go with ur eyes wide open.
Watch:uve definitely got urself a boyfriend,enjoy every minute of it.

My girls are 2 and almost 4 and I work full time so my options are also limited. There is a big park near me with lots of play equipment for the kids - I'm going to give it a whirl on Sunday, see who's about. In theory I want to try different groups and things but although I'm also not exactly a wallflower I do struggle at first and I think I come across as stand-offish unless I have a big cheesy grin on my face.

Thanks serendipitous but I think I'm deluding myself if I believe that! This happened a few weeks ago too but it wasn't as big an issue for me as we weren't as far down the line. I think I probably should bin him off, but feel like I should try and attempt some sort of discussion about things first.

feeling I'm obviously still a bit green where OD is concerned. Obviously got a lot to learn and probably the hard way! At least I've got you lot now for virtual hand holding :)

everyone is a bit green when they start Online dating. because, well, why wouldnt they be.
Its why this thread is great and probably why its now on version 17.

The park thing sounds good, it is so much harder when you are working i think, you just dont have the time to invest and it makes it so difficult. My DD was at nursery before she started school, so i didnt even bump into any other parents.
But - now shes at school its a bit better, and i do have school gate mums who i get on with and socalise with sometimes, and ones at her swimming lessons.

just saying - you arent the only one :) and kudos for doing something about it.

Izzy & friends - can I join? Not dating yet but I suppose I will have to again unless I never want a shag again if I can be arsed!

I am being very naughty, dipping my toe back in the water, so to speak nice messages, but what do we think?

1. http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=35962678

Hello, I've just started dating after a 10 year marriage and I've reconnected with an old boyfriend. I'm so not sure I am cut out for this dating business. I feel like scuttling back to the safety of my house and away from all the old insecurities that have come rushing back. He is a lovely chap and we get on well but but but. I feel like an insecure teen again.