Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Offred, do you think your DH's friend might be pushing boundries?

You could both be finding each other attractive?

It's understandable when people spend a lot of time together but you have to think hard about backing off as the consequences of anything happening will be dear :(

What do you think is going on with your DH's friend Offred?

I am going to be obese after these threads. Obese but happy :)

Nothing will happen. We both love DH and DH friend is 200 miles away! I'm quite attracted to him, he is more attracted to me, cos he's single I think and it must be wrecking his head right now.

Tbh I have enough self control not to do things that I feel like keeping secret from DH. He is wanting to keep the things secret but doing them anyway (texting, calling, fb) but actually it is just normal conversation and he has really been there for me recently, some of the things he has said have really had a huge impact.

Is it him or you I've not been following properly heads mince atm Offred

Bit of both I think dotty. Think him more than me.

Sorry, I'm such an idiot!!! Don't know how to behave!

Why do you say you're an idiot Offred?

We all flirt a little at times nowt wrong with it its human nature

Offred, it is normal to be attracted to other people, not stupid.

He sounds like he's pushing boundries, the keeping thngs secret, and is manipulating your friendship and appreciation of that friendship.

Easily done, what do you want to happen? ie reinforce friend boundries or what do you not want to happen? ie feelings getting too deep?

Remember Offred that you can lay down the law with him. You don't have to spare his feelings or go along with things that you're not happy with.

Mmm I'm trying to learn that one, not going along with everything, but it's difficult.

It's ok to say, I'm uncomfortable with x,y,z although a,b,c is fine.

I'm really crap at explaining things.

I've struggled with that too Offred. I've let guys cross boundaries that they shouldn't have crossed before because I've felt I "owed" them.

With me it's with anyone, like being asked to do stuff and not being able to say no or I can't do that.

T'is quit problematic.

I want to say "he means well". Before I was with DH we had an "almost" encounter. Nothing happened but it has made an atmosphere for several years. Recently we've got closer as friends. I have told him I think we need to deal with the attraction and get over it so the atmosphere is gone. It is news to him that I was ever attracted to him I think so now he's a bit wrecked in the head. He's single. He is lovely. I don't want him to feel bad. We've agreed not to speak for a bit.

That other thread's awful. It could have been me. When I went to women's aid I felt like an utter fraud.

My t'internet is crap tonight, very heavy rain, and taking an age to load, so I'll say g'night.

I think it is more that he is feeling guilty and wanting to keep things secret when I am taking the opposite approach that keeping things secret is what is bad. I also think there is an element of having had all this crap last week, needing attention to feel better, to not feel damaged.

I know Offred :(

Goodnight Olympic x

what other thread?

here

Still here, I did the same at women's aid, they said I was being abused, I said I couldn't be, they said, we're here when you need us, even if it's just for a kip. They're seen it all, know all the stages.

I'm sorry you feel bad for him and the temporary strain on your friendship when you need them most.

You can't know his feelings though and right now you need to concentrate on yourself and work through everything. He'll still be there as a friend for you if he's decent. iyswim

Hugs, night :)