Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Think i'm going to hit the hay painkillers first got earache and headache

Yes, I feel like a walking headfuck Olympic. Like all I do is mess people up like some fucking succubus think he is decent, not really very proud of myself.

Night dotty, sorry for whining on. Hope you feel better soon.

Why do you feel responsible Offred?

Sorry to abandon mid-conversation but I must head to bed. Goodnight x

Offred, hugs, I know it's hard but you are not responsible for this. He may be thinking a million and one things which you're not.

The most important person atm is YOU, he'll understand that and still be there for you.

He may just not know how to handle things.

Putting yourself first, getting the help you need is all you can do.

Please don't blame yourself.

Sorry my phone fucked up. Thing I feel responsible for all things really. Probably stupid yes.

*think!

Gah lying in my bed taken codeine and sominex still can't sleep headaches almost away though.

Want to talk dotty?

If you like

I mean about how you're feeling!

Morning, did you get some sleep dotty?

Morning all. How are you doing Offred?

DS has been awake since 4.30 and consequently so have I. I am very close to losing my patience with him because I'm tired and he's tired so he's just whinging constantly no matter what I do. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Go back to bed together cailin? Tired this morning.

Nah there's no way he'll go to bed. Once he's up, he's up and that's it. He's parked in front of CBeebies now with an apple and he's a bit happier.

Would it be very mean of me not to offer DH an extra lie in tomorrow for Father's Day? I got about 3 hours' sleep last night and the thought of having no lie in then heading in to another week makes me want to weep :(

Could he look after your ds this morning so you could have a nap?

It's his lie in this morning so he's still in bed at the moment but once he gets up he'll take over. I'll head off and have a long shower. I'm rubbish at napping, which is really annoying when you have small children. I could just go to bed early tonight, although I'm not very good at that either :)

On the plus side I feel like I'm really working through my issues with my family. My mother rang the other day and started going on about my impending visit and saying she and my older sister will be going away before we go home and that they have to go at that time blah blah blah. In the past that would have really annoyed me - because as usual my older sister is running the show and my mother is just going along with it like the limp noodle that she is - but I just thought "Oh well," and even though it does piss me off a bit I'm not as annoyed as I would have been in the past. I feel I'm disentangling myself from them in a good way, in the sense that I feel I can have a friendly superficial relationship with them without getting dragged into their shitness. It feels good :)

That's good really good cailin

I'm rubbish at lie ins and DH always sleeps through the children waking up.

Yes I did eventually kept waking with my hair saturated though sominex helped again not got back into a good sleep routine yet.

Really need to get my ears looked at

Cailin screw them they don't do much for you by the sound of it good call

You're right dotty. The one thing I have to be wary of is getting sucked back in by my mother. In the past I have become angry at them, distanced myself and then my mother has been friendly and seemed caring, so I started hoping again that they would be real parents, only to be disappointed. I think the big hurdle for me will be maintaining the superficial relationship without my feelings getting involved again. It'll be hard, but I think I can manage it.

What's up with your ears dotty?

The headfuck with my parents is that I actually get on quite well with them day to day. There's no tension when I'm around them, they generally don't say nasty things, etc so it's easy to be fooled into thinking everything is ok. In some ways it'd be easier if they were out and out horrible people.

Had problems for a few weeks first funny hearing echoey now really sore never got around to going to dr's yet throats up a bit as well now.

Had a really extreme bad infection last summer similar ignored it thought I was just losing my hearing got on holiday and ended up being taken to walk in centre by DH as it was that or home was in agony, never had them since a kid really been quite healthy apart from gynae problems and migraines until 18 months ago.

You really need to get some antibiotics dotty. A hot water bottle on the ear may help draw out the infection but will hurt. Ibruprofen will reduce the inflammation and help with pain and can be taken with codeine but make sure you eat beforehand.