Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

My DH made me a valentine's card recently with a poem what he wrote about big myrtle.

*bog myrtle!!

Bog myrtle?

Elephant sorry but any sort of childhood abuse is not minor as I was told by police where do you draw the line I dont think mine is bad compared to some TBH but he ended up in prison that says alot in itself.

CD - Thanks, you have no idea how much your non-dismissing of me means. Yours was one of the stories that I was reading yesterday and made me remember this. I've not been through anything as bad as you have, and it really does mean a lot to me that you're "accepted" me. Thanks.

I do have a relationship with her as she's the only family I have (my sister is incredibly selfish and I have as little to do with her as poss.). But she's still doing things I can't explain. Like, I have a married friend, a priest, who is after me. I have never told my mother this but she thinks she knows, and I keep getting told to keep away from him etc. I was at a wedding with her recently, and was wearing shoes another friend nicknamed my "whoring" shoes, and I'd told my mother this. So she asked if I was going to send a photo of them to this priest. So on the one hand she's telling me to keep clear, yet on the other trying to encourage a "relationship" between us. It's so bloody weird. I almost feel like she's trying to pimp me out. This from someone who has told me continuously over the years that sex outwith marriage is wrong.

Sorry, that really is a non-issue. But it's so damn confusing. I might get onto some other stuff at some point.

Thanks everyone else, I took too long typing that!

This is just a pure guess but I would say based on what you've said about your mother that she was abused herself. It sounds like she has a very unhealthy attitude towards sex and has conflicting boundaries - on the one hand she knows what is right and wrong but on the other she feels you should respond to inappropriate advances. That is a common behaviour among abuse victims and is usually about taking back control - if you play along with the abusive behaviour and pretend it's flattering it's easier than admitting you're being targeted and abused.

Again I don't think your mother's behaviour is a non issue, I think it probably had a huge influence on you growing up. It's no wonder it's confusing, because it sends you a totally mixed message - don't sleep with people, but if they try to feel you up, let them even if you don't want it.

The fact that you recognise that your mother's attitude isn't healthy is a great first step IMO, as it will help you to root out a lot of your own thinking that might be hurting you. Does that make sense?

Hi CD,

That does make sense. I've never thought about her being abused before though that may explain why she's never been in a relationship since my father died nearly 30 years ago.

I have vaguely wondered if something happened to me when I was young, not because I have any memories of abuse, but I do remember a time when I was 10 watching a Chippendales video and bursting into tears over it, much to the concern of my classmates. But I have no idea how I would go about finding out if I was or not, and I'm wary of false memories and the like.

I'm going to think about this over the weekend. Thanks.

It's tough to wonder if there are other things you're not quite remembering. Don't force it. Things might start coming back to you, which can be really hard, but if that does happen, this is a place that you can talk about it.

Even if you have no memories to talk about we all just hang out here and chat a lot so you're always very welcome :)

Hi Elephant, I don't think it's minor, it's affected/ing you so it's good to talk/think it out.

Dotty, I've a load of her things, I just wanted someone to take the photo's of him out of my home but no one will, just want to burn them. I feel like I'm going mad, does "please can you remove your photo's of your pedophile partner from my home" make sense to anyone?????

oo there's supposed to be a 50 year storm coming, have read it on mn and heard it from neighbours, might go camping :o

Cake and for everyone.

Thanks for the cake Olympic :) You can keep the storm though!

I think you should just burn those bloody photos but I know it's not as simple as that.

Olympic I'd be tempted to give her a timescale to get her stuff the hell out of your home or you'll put them in storage and have it billed to her address

Just paid the remainder of our holiday so guess it means I'm going told DH the other night that I wanted him and DS to go alone as I wasn't in the mood for going

Got cake on the side for DD2's bf's birthday tomorrow making plain sponge with butter icing covered in chocolates

Where are you going on holiday dotty? How are you feeling now about the fact that you'll be going?

All this talk of cake is seriously making me drool...

Cailin just down to Dartmoor to the caravan, I think if I knew what was happening before I went it would be better plus it's just me and the boys no female company this year as DD2's not coming.

:o Cailin

Agree with you both, the time limit was her picking it up when she comes over, now she thinks I'm keeping it, argh.

How are you doing Offre and Elephant.

Dotty, we'll be here on mn

I'm ok, thanks. Can't say I've had the most productive day workwise, but never mind! After the week I've had (nothing major, just interesting personal revelations) and a counselling session at lunchtime I never was going to get much done.

Anyhow, lots of think about over the weekend. Himself's away, but only til tomorrow night, so not much time for myself.

Don't forget we're around a lot of if you need to chat or if you have anything on your mind :)

I suggested to ds we have a husband/father in training day for him.

His answer :o

Erm I don't need training!

Fucking hell all flustered now, DH friend called me while I was trying on bras in M&S

Not at all helpful but can I have some of your hormones I seem to have lost mine nobodys got me flustered in years

Anyway, did you answer straight away or get dressed and called back.

It's ok to be attracted to other men, perfectly normal. Best not to be acted on though.

Do you think you're attracted to him or relieved he's nice and confusing boundries because of the past. I used to do that a lot.

Can you find a distraction for when he calls, like imagining him throwing up? iyswim

I was half dressed, answered got dressed, went to till paid and then had quite a long conversation. Although he's feeling bad and not going to speak to me till he's back up here.

Don't know wtf is going on in my head! DH came home while he was still on the phone, he got all freaked out. I talked to DH about it, DH been texting him. DH not concerned about it.

DH friend got all freaked out.