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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need to leave my husband. Please help me.

192 replies

anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:27

Hi

I am not a mum. (don't hate me for posting here)

I need to leave my husband. He makes me do things and bullies me. I have no bank account, no job, and no friends.

I can get some money if I take his cards (for shopping). How much do I need?

also to massively complicate things I have a most beloved dog, that comes with me (i hope)

I stopped wearing my wedding ring this week and i am scared that things will escalate, he said rather pointedly 'so there's nothing I can say to make you put your ring back on?'

I am so scared. please help me.

OP posts:
AnyoneForTennis · 08/06/2012 16:29

There is help available. Don't worry

Women's aid can help.... Could you ring them?

anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:29

i have only 90 mins before he gets back from work to talk.

OP posts:
anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:30

will he know that I have rung them?

OP posts:
AnyoneForTennis · 08/06/2012 16:30

You sound scared of him. Do you have a mobile? If so, keep it with you

Any family/friends nearby?

AnyoneForTennis · 08/06/2012 16:31

Log out of here when done. Clear history. Don't think WA number shows on phone bill... Do the 141 thing

When do you want to leave?

anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:32

i have no one. the only person that knows is my OU tutor.
no family, no friends. I barely leave the house.

OP posts:
fallingandlaughing · 08/06/2012 16:32

You don't need anything.

If you are scared don't put yourself at risk for money or anything else. Call Women's Aid 0808 2000 247. They will help and understand.

Don't give him any reason to think you are going and remember to delete your broswing history or use inprivate browsing for these messages.

I like your username. Sounds like you are ready for a new beginning. Good Luck.

tribpot · 08/06/2012 16:33

Here's the guide to staying safe online and here are their helpline FAQs. The number won't appear on a BT bill but might if you have your home phone with someone else.

Helpline FAQs - Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline, 0808 2000 247

anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:33

yes i will clear history. already have secret email address. he has been asking to go on my netbook recently. i was a bit worried that he put something on there.

OP posts:
mummytime · 08/06/2012 16:34

Tell Women's aid about the dog, there are people who will foster it temporarily for you while you get away.

fallingandlaughing · 08/06/2012 16:34

he might have out a keylogger or something on there, so be careful

anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:34

should I put my ring back on? so he thinks that everything is ok?

OP posts:
AnyoneForTennis · 08/06/2012 16:36

Keep hold of that ring...... You can use it later, pawn for a few quid.

fallingandlaughing · 08/06/2012 16:36

you can judge it best re the ring. It might be a good idea? Try to talk to Women's AId if you can.

AnyoneForTennis · 08/06/2012 16:37

What do you want to do?

Go now? Next week?
Leave the area?

Priority is safety, so call women's aid.

anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:37

Okay. Thank you so much. I am reading everything. He left his credit card, I feel like i should take out the max, and hide it. will i get arrested?

OP posts:
anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:38

i ahve to leave the area, out of London.

OP posts:
tribpot · 08/06/2012 16:39

If you mean hide it so you have it for leaving later, it will show up on his card pretty quickly and be charged interest from right now, so it might even block the card and he will realise something is up. To be honest, I would take it when you are ready to leave and max it out before he realises you've gone.

MistyRocks · 08/06/2012 16:40

womens aid

ring them

keep us posted if you can xxxxxx

AnyoneForTennis · 08/06/2012 16:40

You will need a few important documents, the rest can be replaced. Doubt he could fo much about the money if you have a card for your use. If it's in his sole name then be wary

anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:41

okay. wont get cash straight away. I think i need to stay at least a couple of nights to get everything sorted, even though i feel like i might die. this is my faullt.

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 08/06/2012 16:42

If you have a passport get it into your bag,its a valuable source of ID.

anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:42

everything is in his sole name. debit/credit/bills/mortgage.

OP posts:
JumpingThroughHoops · 08/06/2012 16:43

Have you got any family that can help you?
Any friend/s at all where you can hide out for a while?

PissyDust · 08/06/2012 16:45

I left the same day I called WA, they met me at an arranged place and took me to a refuge.

I took my passport, birth & marriage certificate and a small bag of clothes.

You can do it, do you want to go now?