I need to leave my husband. Please help me.

[anewbeginning2012]

Hi

I am not a mum. (don't hate me for posting here)

I need to leave my husband. He makes me do things and bullies me. I have no bank account, no job, and no friends.

I can get some money if I take his cards (for shopping). How much do I need?

also to massively complicate things I have a most beloved dog, that comes with me (i hope)

I stopped wearing my wedding ring this week and i am scared that things will escalate, he said rather pointedly 'so there's nothing I can say to make you put your ring back on?'

I am so scared. please help me.

Don't feel ashamed. Ur in an awful position and what ur contemplating is massive. But it's massively positive!!! How was ur weekend?! Xxx

he is not coming home tonight because of work. he is not back until tomorrow evening i could leave rightnow but i am sitting here in my dressing gown, and iam so so scared. i don't know what will happen with my life.

don't feel ashamed!

that's not what this is about - you've asked for strength and help and courage, and we're here to give it to you.

It doesn't matter how long it takes.
:)

and and
and
and

Can you leave right now?
do you have everything ready to go?
do you have somewhere to go?
do you have someone to call to help you?

yes. i will make tea. hang on

My love it doesn't sound like you're wasting any one's time.

Keep talking as much as you feel like talking. there is no pressure here. ignore anything that isn't helpful to you.

Glad to know you're ok.

It is very scary that point of walking out. And it isn't easy int he weeks after neither. But the getting out of the door, that is the hardest bit. When you are ready, you will do it.

If you don't want to go to the police, you could try the council, or shelter. I got a place in refuge via them, I didn't go to the police.

When you reach refuge, they will help you to claim benefits. The council will pay for your stay there, you can claim income support or jobseekers allowance, and if you need money immediately, you can get a crisis loan. Don't panic about getting money. I think I left with £30 in my pocket! Just make sure you have the id you need.

You say you don't know what will happen in your life now. You may make friends in the refuge. Eventually the council will rehouse you properly. You can get help to look for work when you are ready. You can rebuild your life. Six months after leaving my exh I was on the way to being divorced, decorating my very own council flat, playing with my children, and having friends round for girly nights in.

It is hard, but you can get through it. You can have a life again.

I am no further forward really.
I stopped sex half way through last night and he got really mad, but i kept saying no and that i didnt want to anymore. He kept saying 'you stopped sex before Ejaculation?!!' I thought he was going to hurt me but he just smashed around the flat for a while then got back into bed and went to sleep. I feel like I am starting to say what i want.

Sounds like u have the perfect opportunity tonite. What does ur gut instinct tell u?! Xx

If he really cared about you, you wouldn't be in this position to begin with. You shouldn't be in the position of having to find strength to say what you want. He should be listening to you.

You are being incredibly brave facing up to the fact that you need to get out. Keep talking.

you are a lot further forward.

you are talking to people now, that is a big step - and a brave one because it means you're ready to make change a reality.

where will i live though? i don't understand that part. where will they put me?

I totally get that, I'm the same I need to know stuff like that, much depends on where you are and where you are going. Can you speak to womens aid at all?

2nd/3rd/4th the suggestion to phone Women's Aid - they will help you!

i just emailed WA.

Women's Aid have refuges around the country, in secret locations. You mentioned another location, somewhere else you knew? You could request somewhere near there if you would be safe there, and there was a refuge with space.

They would then give you the address, and you go live there for a while. I don't know what they are all like, but the one I was in, was basically two houses knocked into one. Two kitchens, two lounges, and around 6 bedrooms with locks for privacy. Kind of like a bedsit, with shared facilitates. It had alarms directly to the police to keep the woman safe. I think I met 3 or 4 women, during my time there - some women had kids, some didn't, we just lived there until the council found us more permanent accommodation.

Whilst in refuge, we were classified as homeless, so top of the council housing list, so eventually you get rehomed and move on. There are volunteer workers too, who will help you settle in, and can help you get whatever services you need, such as claiming benefits, counselling if you want it, a lawyer, etc.

well done.

Keep chatting here when you can.

i feel sick.

I can understand that. This is a scary time but just hang in, WA will get back to you as soon as possible.

You're doing fantastically well, You are in control and You call the shots on when things happen.

Thank you.

logging off for a bit. back soon.

I can't get thru to WA at all on my phone. There is a new number left and when u ring it there is some weird message about the number being owned by this company or other.

Which number are you calling?

first i dialled 08082000147 then it led me to 087119189188 (weird message)