I need to leave my husband. Please help me.

[anewbeginning2012]

Hi

I am not a mum. (don't hate me for posting here)

I need to leave my husband. He makes me do things and bullies me. I have no bank account, no job, and no friends.

I can get some money if I take his cards (for shopping). How much do I need?

also to massively complicate things I have a most beloved dog, that comes with me (i hope)

I stopped wearing my wedding ring this week and i am scared that things will escalate, he said rather pointedly 'so there's nothing I can say to make you put your ring back on?'

I am so scared. please help me.

i am listening.

i dreamed this differently. get on train to new place, really far. then call police.

i am scared to do it differntly i cant cope

You probably need to dump that mobile, especially if it has any kind of GPS in it (if it's a smartphone). Can you get to a phone box?

im sorry

Do it in the order you want anew. Don't let us derail you.

crappy PAYG phone

You can cope, you are packed sweetheart. Take a deep breath and walk.

I can understand why you want to be far away when you call the police. You could buy four train tickets to completely different destinations but I think you're safer just getting the hell out of there.

First step is leaving. Do it bit by bit in small steps, don't think about the big picture too much. The important thing is to go and to go now.

please where do i go when i get there? is it the council?

Wherever you go the police are your best bet even if you aren't sure what you want to say. You don't have to tell them things you aren't ready for.

You go to the police - they will arrange shelter for you

All that'll be shut now for the weekend anyway, I think - you really need to speak to Women's Aid, or the police.

Goodness, don't be sorry. You're taking a massive step into the unknown. The train idea is quite romantic, iyswim, but possibly not realistic. I second all of the suggestions of taking dog, documents and just leaving and heading for the nearest police station. I do understand how terrifying it is. Can you try it one step at a time? You have the essentials in your bag, now grab your coat and put dog on lead. Pretend you're just taking the dog for a walk. Make sure you walk to the nearest police station. Then walk into the police station. The police will help you.

I have worked for yrs with ladies who have been frightened to leave, it takes a huge amount of courage to do it. I believe you want to leave, I think you fear whats to you if you stay. You have planned this and thought about it, take a deep breath, know your worth a better life. Honestly, I have met many ladies who have done or feel like they are in the wrong. The fact is we don't care about that we care about you being safe and getting back on your feet!

Walk to the police station, ask them for help, you need to tell them you fear the man your with and you need their protection.

Are you more scared to stay or of the police?

You will get support here (limited as it is) no matter how you choose to handle this. No one is judging you, we just want to know you're safe.

If you are getting on a train, when you get off, hop in a cab and ask them to take you to the nearest police station if you don't want to go to your local one.

You're a victim of crime - the police are there to help you just as sure as if a a stranger had done whatever he's done to you.

Did you find your local police station?

What has prompted you to leave today particularly?

Has he been violent? Do you fear he will be violent?

If he should become violent towards you, or if he starts shouting and you fear he may physically assault you, please don't hesitate to dial 999 and ask for the police to come to your address.

You can walk into any police station, or phone the police non-emergency number, and ask to be put in touch with a domestic violence counsellor. This service is independent of the police; many counsellors work through Women's Aid and all counsellors are able to access and arrange emergency or short notice refuge accomodation.

If you should need to urgently leave your current home, the police can arrange for you to be accompanied by a police officer (or officers) to collect for any items you may be forced to leave behind.

If you are in London and your dog is not a giant breed (i.e St Bernard/Irish Wolfhound size), I may be able to foster your canine pal until you find a dog-friendly home of your own - please use your mumsnet Inbox to send me a message. I am an experienced dog owner who currently doesn't have a canine companion or children living in my home.

he'll be home at 6. he won't come back and hurt me, like a monster. he will be normal-ish though he is very pissed about the ring.

i am just his property to do what he likes with.

i think i can't do it now. i need the we to get my stuff 2gether.
i have a more valuable ring. Plese i need til MOnday. when he goes to work.

he's a golden retriever. the most lovely entity in the world. he loves me back

I don't understand the panic, sorry.

We'll support you to do what you need. Please keep talking (safely) and we'll help you plan. I would put the ring on and play happy families if you are set on leaving but if you think this will make you feel like not leaving then just keep your head down. Could you stash your bag/documents somewhere he won't find them?

You are being so brave! You can do this but you must do it in your own way and be safe doing it!

If you want more time to prepare thats ok as long as your sure you'll be safe!

Cogito - the op clearly isn't ready to talk about it. She has managed to say "he had broken the law" and "i am scared" that is enough. It is important only to talk when you are ready, don't push for answers.