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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need to leave my husband. Please help me.

192 replies

anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 16:27

Hi

I am not a mum. (don't hate me for posting here)

I need to leave my husband. He makes me do things and bullies me. I have no bank account, no job, and no friends.

I can get some money if I take his cards (for shopping). How much do I need?

also to massively complicate things I have a most beloved dog, that comes with me (i hope)

I stopped wearing my wedding ring this week and i am scared that things will escalate, he said rather pointedly 'so there's nothing I can say to make you put your ring back on?'

I am so scared. please help me.

OP posts:
LadyMercy · 08/06/2012 17:36

OP, if you can't leave now, consider putting the ring back on. Let him think everything is normal. You know your own mind, it isn't going to be changed by a ring.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 08/06/2012 17:38

If you are not going to leave right now then maybe pretend everything is normal.

You said he won't hurt you because you will do what he wants, op please please if he does anything- violence, sexual abuse anything to hurt you, phone the police. You dont have to put up with it anymore.

Original poster
anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 17:40

thank you for saying all this stuff to me. i dont want to make anything suspicious. i will tell you on monday that i did it. i promise.

just let it go away til then.

i will copy all the nice things to word, so i can look at them again.

i dont want to make anyone mad.

i am okay rite now. i am crying but not cos of u.

i promise i will post back on monday. then u don't have to do anything cos i will have already done it. okay.

OP posts:
IDismyname · 08/06/2012 17:43

Hang on in there. We're all here when you need us. Just keep yourself safe this weekend.
Big Hugs

AvonCallingBarksdale · 08/06/2012 17:44

Just hold on to the thought that you are leaving, OP Ignore the poster who is being silly - they need to leave the thread if they don't like it. Take care of yourself, and please let us know you are OK on Monday.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 08/06/2012 17:44

Ok, then stay safe, make plans and remember the police are there to help you if it gets too bad for you.

I wish you lots of luck.

We are all here if you need to talk.

fallingandlaughing · 08/06/2012 17:44

Stay strong. Just remember there are women all over the country thinking of you. Life is going to get so much better soon.

Offred · 08/06/2012 17:45

Yes, we'll be here. You deal with it how you are able. No-one is mad with you and you aren't doing anything suspicious, some people are just naturally that way inclined. Shut it off in your mind and I'll check back on Monday. You are exceptionally brave xxx

cupcake78 · 08/06/2012 17:45

Well done? Your doing great really you are!
Stay safe, you are important and you deserve more. Act normal knowing your going to get out when your ready!

Be safe, if your threatened at all you know what to do

Bossybritches22 · 08/06/2012 17:50

Good luck , stay strong you are very brave & a new life will be yours soon.

Original poster
anewbeginning2012 · 08/06/2012 17:51

thank you so much. I am going to log off now. honestly thank you so much.

i hear you. i promise.

OP posts:
PissyDust · 08/06/2012 17:52

Well done Cogito does it make you feel big and clever rebelling against the rules?

New you are in charge, you can decide your own destiny in your own time and you certainly don't need to tell us a thing about it if you don't want to.

I can't help with your dog, as much as I wuld love to but I am near to London and could keep a bag of belongings safe if you needed me to. PM me if you want to chat.

Everytime I see someone post "trip trap I'm not sure about this thread" shitty posts it makes me cringe just thinking about the lurkers that may be there desperat to post for help but scared off but just one or two people........

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/06/2012 17:54

If you need help/support/whatever, MN is here night and day. So are the police. Honestly I was told to phone the police on something far more minor, to dial 999, the point of the police is to protect us from harm.

You need to pretend everything is ok until the point that you are able to go. BUT if you want to or need to go at any time over the weekend, make an excuse, go to the shop or whatever, CALL THE POLICE AND TELL THEM YOU ARE AFRAID AND IN DANGER FROM YOUR HUSBAND, and that you need to be picked up. They will. They will.

If it IS sexual abuse, it is still violence. You don't need to go through it. And if it comes down to it and you need to escape, just go.

MN is right behind you, like a load of big and little sisters/mothers/aunts.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 08/06/2012 17:55

I'm in London, can't help with dog, sorry but any other support you need?

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/06/2012 17:57

And I'm in London too and around this weekend. PM us via the "message poster" button to the right of our names if you want to get in touch.

AnyoneForTennis · 08/06/2012 17:58

Bless you. You can do this ! ( I did, life is great now)

This time next year, or even month, you will look back and smile.

izzyizin · 08/06/2012 17:59

Has he been violent? Do you fear he will be violent?

If he should become violent towards you, or if he starts shouting and you fear he may physically assault you, please don't hesitate to dial 999 and ask for the police to come to your address.

You can walk into any police station, or phone the police non-emergency number, and ask to be put in touch with a domestic violence counsellor. This service is independent of the police; many counsellors work through Women's Aid and all counsellors are able to access and arrange emergency or short notice refuge accomodation.

If you should need to urgently leave your current home, the police can arrange for you to be accompanied by a police officer (or officers) to collect for any items you may be forced to leave behind.

If you are in London and your dog is not a giant breed (i.e St Bernard/Irish Wolfhound size), I may be able to foster your canine pal until you find a dog-friendly home of your own - please use your mumsnet Inbox to send me a message. I am an experienced dog owner who currently doesn't have a canine companion or children living in my home.

GhouliaYelps · 08/06/2012 18:07

Good luck darling

MagicLlamaStrikesBack · 08/06/2012 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 08/06/2012 18:38

Ooo don't pm the op! The notifications will go to her email address!

Bossybritches22 · 08/06/2012 18:43

MagicLlama get MNHQ to delete your PM, at east even if there was a notification he might not have a chance to read it.....he might have a heystroke thingy on her netbook.

PissyDust · 08/06/2012 18:46

OP said she has a secret email addy, does that help?

Bossybritches22 · 08/06/2012 18:50

Just a precaution pissy someone pointed out earlier he might be monitoring her netpad, hate him to find this thread/an email & put the OP in danger or at least scupper her plans.

MagicLlamaStrikesBack · 08/06/2012 18:56

I understood she'd registered this on the secret email address because he was checking her other one anyway and she didnt want him to know she was on here? Could be wrong though, so have reported to MNHQ in any event.

Bossybritches22 · 08/06/2012 19:01

Thanks Magicllama....just in case, I'd hate her to be in more trouble than she is already.

Not knowing the details obviously we don't know what she is dealing with but she sounded pretty scared. Sad

I shall be watching this thread for Mondays update & hoping she is OK.